The Journey to a Little One to Call Our Own

Untitled, Because I Don't Know What To Title It

2012-01-26T21:21:00.003-06:00

I'm not really sure what this post is about, to be honest. I just need to get some things out of my head, so I am going to start typing and hope that I have the courage to not go back and edit/erase things because my thoughts may not be nicely put together.

I've had a couple glasses of wine tonight, so maybe that's why I feel compelled to get this all out of my head.

I've realized that my IF struggles were NOTHING in comparison to others'. I never experienced hardcore IF. Although Mr. D and I both were emotional about the fact that it took us so long to conceive a baby - way outside the "plan" of what was "supposed" to happen in our opinions - we only scratched the surface of what it's like to truly deal with IF issues.

I've been surfing around on a few sites this evening and come to the realization that, damn, we are so blessed. Lucky. Fortunate. Whatever you want to call it. So many people have been through the trenches - way more than we ever even discussed before we conceived, let alone experienced along our journey.

I wonder what it would be like for us if we were still on the quest to achieve parenthood. Would I resent my husband (Lord, I hope not... he's the best thing that ever happened to me)? Would he resent me? Would we go to counseling? Would we live child-free? Would we adopt? Would we take the next recommended steps outlined by our RE?

Who knows. All I know is I am truly blessed. I have an amazing son to show for the IF we went through, and we love him to pieces.

And now we are on the journey to think about #2.

And that starts the tapes over from the beginning. There's no pause button in IF. You can't pick up where you left off. You either pause, stop, and start over from the beginning, or, if you are fortunate like us, you get to play the whole tape from the beginning, see it to the end, and decide if you want to watch it again. However, there's no guarantee that it won't stop mid-way again and start over from the beginning.

I know, I know... far fetched, but go with me here.

I've always imagined having two children. And I desperately want another. I know after going through IF how lucky I am to have a child in the first place. If God wants to only bless me with one, then I am completely content.

If that keeps my family, life, and marriage in tact... then I happy with whatever life hands me.

Solids and a Winter Wonderland

2012-01-23T15:09:00.004-06:00

Little Man tried solids for the first time last night! He started with rice cereal. At first he loved it... spoon went into his mouth and he gobbled it down without even tasting it. By the third spoonful, he realized that, although eating from a spoon was fun, he didn't like how it tasted. He would scrunch his face up in the same way as if you were forcing me to eat squash. Here's a pic:

And... after an extremely mild winter here in MN, snow has finally arrived. We received a few inches of white, fluffy snow last night and this morning... enough to mess up the morning commute. I decided to work from home today and not attempt the drive to and from work. The snow is beautiful, but after a few days, it gets old and I am officially ready for spring. Hoping that the spring time comes soon!

I Can't Rock It Like I Used To

2012-01-22T16:56:00.003-06:00

We were at Mr. D's company holiday party last night, and there were a LOT of tasty alcoholic beverages available. I chose Char.donnay, and after a few glasses, was feeling pretty good. Max was at home with his Grandmother for the evening.

This morning... wow. Worst. Headache. Ever. I can't go out and have cocktails the same way I used to. How did I used to do this in college, and wake up the next day and function? I am getting old.

Max's second tooth officially popped through, so we now have a 2-toothed, drooly little boy. Next weekend, Mr. D and I are going to send Max to his grandparents' house for a day so that we can concentrate on baby-proofing our house. He started scooting this week, so on top of rolling over all over the floor, he is now officially mobile. Holy crap!

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

I am going to take some more Ad.vil now...

Here's a recent pic of our little man... the sweater he is wearing was hand-sewed by a family friend. It's a goofy sweater, which is why I love his expression. He's like, "Uh, Mom? Can you get me out of this itchy, weird sweater?"

Jealousy

2012-01-18T06:12:00.003-06:00

I wonder if people who struggle with IF have more of an affinity towards being pregnant. I dealt with my fair share of struggles to get pregnant, then became pregnant, had an amazing pregnancy, loved every second of being pregnant, and now have a beautiful son.

But I miss being pregnant every single day. It's to the point where I struggle even looking at pregnant women. I don't know if it brings up memories of my own pregnancy that I loved (although I worried every day that I would miscarry again) or if it's because I so badly pray that getting pregnant again will not be such a challenge. But I find myself having a hard time looking at and thinking of pregnant women.

Not over-analyzing here, but I think my so-called jealousy stems from years of IF. We all want to be pregnant so badly. But what I am surprised about is, after I went through a successful pregnancy that produced a live baby, that yearning to be pregnant is still there.

Damn you, IF. You just never go away.

It's Been Too Long

2012-01-15T20:39:00.003-06:00

Dang, I haven't posted in awhile.

I have just not had time to sit down and write a good post. But I am keeping up with my bloggie friends' blogs, and I realized... it's not the quantity of blog goodness that is important, it's the quality. And sometimes not even the quality, but the sheer quick update of what's going on. That's my new goal: even if my posts aren't lengthy, wonderfully-written, or poetic, I will post more frequently. I feel better when I am committed to my blog. I didn't take on this whole writing-of-a-blog thing just to throw it to the wind... it's part of me, part of my story. And I need to do a better job of keeping up with it :)

I am sitting in a hotel room in Toronto, Canada... first time to Canada. I'm here for work for 4 days - the first time I have been away from my little man over night. Am I sad? Well, sure I miss him. But it is good for both of us... he needs to be taken care of by just Daddy, and I need to focus on some huge work meetings happening here this week.

So, what's new? Here's just a few bullets:

Christmas was great for everyone except for me. On Christmas Eve, in front of my whole family (who I was hosting for drinks/appetizers/holiday cheer), I started to violently vomit. Seriously, it came out of nowhere, and I was either in the bathroom on the floor or curled up in a ball in my bed for the next 24 hours. It was horrible.

New Years was uneventful... we fell asleep at 10:30 p.m. LAME. Honest to goodness - I can't believe that we are turning into our parents.

Max continues to be the most wonderful little boy. He is almost 5 months, and he is keeping us on our toes daily. I can't take my eyes off him when he's on the changing table or on the floor... the kid rolls over from back-to-front and front-to-back constantly. Last week, I put him in the middle of our living room, went to pour coffee, and came back to my little man about 8 feet away from where I put him. He had rolled and scooted to the other side of the room. Child-proofing EVERYTHING is in our immediate future.

Max has two teeth on the bottom... first one popped through on January 9 and the other one joined his cute little mouth yesterday.

We are starting rice cereal on Friday... should be interesting :) He constantly watches Mr. D and I eat, and I can tell he's ready to chomp down some of his own food.

AF arrived on 12/23 and hasn't returned... not sure I ovulated, though. I didn't track this cycle, but now wish I would have because I am dying to see if my body goes right back to not knowing how to be normal.

We are planning to start trying for #2 this spring. More about that in an upcoming post.

Have a great week!
XOXO
Mrs. D

I Didn't Miss Her One Bit

2011-12-23T11:29:00.002-06:00

She's baaaaaaaaaaaaaack.

AF.

Over four months after the birth of my little guy, AF showed up. Completely unexpected (but, really, when should have I expected her?). I did a triple-take this morning in the bathroom when I realized what was going on.

To be honest, I am a bit happy she's here. I've been wondering what the heck is going on... my doctor said it would take a few months for her to show up again, but I was thinking more like 2 months after delivering. Also, I am going to start tracking again, hoping that in a couple of "regular" cycles, we'll be back on the TTC wagon again.

But, overall, I didn't miss her at all. The cramps, bloating, tampons... it all came back to me, and after my one minute of happiness faded away, I realized that I get to deal with her for the next week or so.

{Sigh.}

Welcome back, AF, welcome back.

Tears

2011-12-06T17:54:00.002-06:00

I don't remember being as sad as I was this morning in a long time. Not throughout IF, not with my miscarriage, never through pregnancy, labor, birth, or post-partum.

I cried myself to sleep last night, woke up crying, cried getting ready, and cried in the car bringing Max to daycare.

Seriously, I could not get a grip, and I couldn't figure out why. I mean, sure, it isn't fun to leave your kid, but I knew he would be safe, cuddled, and protected. Were hormones finally rearing their ugly head? Who knows.

It was all I could do to hand him over to Susan this morning. She started asking me questions - how much has he eaten already this morning, have you changed his diaper recently, do you think he will nap this morning - and all of a sudden I got so choked up that I couldn't breathe, let alone answer her questions. Thankfully, Mr. D did drop-off with me this morning and could answer her questions as tears streamed down my face.

I cried all the way in to work, and finally was able to get a grip about 2 miles from my office. As soon as I stepped in to work, I was fine. It was the weirdest thing. Did I think about Max today? All the time. But I wasn't sad necessarily - just wondering what he was doing and if he was having fun. A few co-workers stopped by today, knowing that today would be tough.

I didn't get a ton done at work today, although I did have a pretty good meeting with my boss where she was impressed with my organization and updates. Guess I put my game face on.

I left work around 3:00 and picked up Max around 3:45. He had a great day and knew me the second I walked in the door. About 1,000 pounds lifted from my shoulders as he flashed me the biggest smile I've seen in awhile.

No more tears :)

But She's Not Me

2011-12-05T20:36:00.003-06:00

This may make some of my blog followers roll their eyes and think, "Oh, Mrs. D, come on now... get over it."

But, tomorrow is a big day for me. For us. For our family.

Max starts daycare.

I have not been emotional at all through my pregnancy, birth, post-birth... nothing. No tears about anything. But daycare? Waterworks. I've cried about it since I started realizing it was real... my baby goes to this woman's home (who is completely lovely and I know will be wonderful for our little man) and he spends his whole day with her and 7 other little kids.

I am sitting here, bawling as I type.

Do I regret going back to work? Not in the least. I love my work so, so much, and not only do I selfishly want to have a career outside of being a mom, but I know it makes me a better mother (plus, who am I kidding... my salary keeps me working).

But, do I want my son to go to a foreign daycare every weekday, which I know he'll get to know and love but until then, he'll probably think I dropped him at a stranger's home with lots of crazy kids?

No. It makes me cry harder to think about it.

The worst thing is thinking that he might forget who I am. I know, realistically, that he'll remember me as soon as I say, "Hey, buddy!" when I pick him up, but still... will he wonder why his parents dropped him off in an environment that isn't his own?

I know our daycare provider will do a wonderful job cuddling, feeding, changing, and playing with him. Her name is Susan and she has had an in-home daycare for the past 33 years. She is the picture of a cuddly, warm grandma in her mid-to-late 50's. Super sweet, kind, and can't wait to snuggle Max.

But she - our daycare provider - isn't me. She doesn't know that when he gets a little fussy, whispering "I love you buddy" over and over in his ear will calm him down. She doesn't know that he doesn't like when his feet get cold. She doesn't know that he likes to hold on to a pointer finger, but not a thumb. She doesn't know that he needs to be held and rocked while singing the special "I Love You" song Daddy made up 5 times before he can lie down to sleep.

She can get instructed about all of these things, but she'll never do it the way I do.

And that is what makes me sad... he won't be with me.

Send me some prayers tomorrow... it's going to be a long, tearful day.

Thankfulness

2011-11-24T08:33:00.003-06:00

I feel like I have been absent from my blog for awhile, and I promise to be a better blogger next month. Time is zooming by... Max is getting so big, I went back to work (more on that in another post), and every day is a detailed plan of how things need to get executed to keep everything moving in our household.

It would feel like a miss to me if I didn't post today... Thanksgiving. Mr. D is upstairs feeding Max, I am still in my pajamas, and have a few Thanksgiving dishes yet to make, so I'll make it quick...

THANKS can't really sum up the true, heartfelt gratitude I have for everything in my life. Our marriage, our lives, our careers, our new house, our health, our spirits, our families, our friends... my cup is overflowing with joy and I have so, so much to give thanks for this year.

Oh, and that little boy named Max? You better believe we are giving thanks for him this year. He is an absolute blessing, and for the journey, the sacrifices, the heartache, my pregnancy, and eventually... our healthy, happy, beautiful son, we are forever thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my blogging friends... I am also so thankful for YOU. I never thought I could grow close to a group of women who I don't even know, but you all are my soul sisters. I keep thinking, "maybe some day I'll get to travel to Florida/Kentucky/Nebraska (insert your state here) and get to meet ____!"

Blessings to you and your families!

XOXO
Mrs. D

Ready to Share

2011-11-08T21:29:00.003-06:00

It's no surprise to anyone following my blog that I seem to be "vague."

I go by the alias of "Mrs. D," my husband is "Mr. D," and I've never posted pictures of our family.

I'm not 100% sure why, to be honest. Without giving it a lot of thought, I started this blog while I was in my secretive place of TTC... not telling anyone, really, in real life, what we were struggling with.

And, somehow, over time, that changed. I wanted to be able to share, but for some reason, it felt weird to do so on this blog. I went on for so long without posting private details about our life that it all of a sudden felt even more awkward to post pictures, names, and details about our lives. So I chose to stay private.

This blog will continue... it has become part of me. But I think I will continue to keep it semi-private, kind of how our TTC struggles have been. I am still part of the community, especially as we start thinking about TTC #2 within the next few months, and I feel a sense of wanting to honor the way in which I started this blog... as a place to share but not have to "answer" to anyone who might know me. I know this all might sound weird, but for someone who knows me in real life, I think you'll not only understand, but also totally get where I am coming from.

So - the reason for my post: if you are interested in learning more about me and our family (totally non-IF related), please leave me a comment and I'll send you my new blog address. NOTE: It's not a replacement blog, just my second one.

Hope everyone is having a good week... winter is officially on its way here in MN!

XOXO
Mrs. D

Dear Life, Please Slow Down

2011-11-03T16:32:00.003-05:00

It's going by too fast. By that, I mean everything... Max continues to grow before our eyes (how can he be 11 weeks already?!), my maternity leave is slowly coming to an end, summer is officially over here in MN, and the holidays are right around the corner.

I get a little anxious when I get caught up in time, the lack there of, and how it seems to fly by sometimes.

However fast time may be flying around here, life is good. No, life is great. I am starting to get a bit anxious over my transition back to work, which is scheduled to happen on November 15. I was promoted to a bigger leadership role while I was on maternity leave, and I am thrilled to be going back to a bigger, even more exciting job with a team to lead. Max will be starting daycare on December 5. Between November 15 and December 5, Mr. D has a week of paternity leave, I will be off a few days, and our mothers are watching him a couple days. I am so happy that I will have a couple of weeks back at work to transition back in before Max goes to daycare. I think going back and starting him in daycare all at once would be too much for me. Not only am I excited to get back to work because I love my company and job, but I am excited for Max. He needs interaction with other kids in an environment that I can't provide him. I know it will be so good for him to be with other kids, watch them play, and be stimulated by others. Of course, it breaks my heart that I have to leave him, but I am praying that the transition works for our family.

I can not believe it is almost the holidays. I was at Ann Taylor Loft on Monday, picking up a few items to freshen up my work wardrobe (it's been awhile since I wore non-maternity clothes!), and "All I Want for Christmas is You" was playing. Holy crap... I am NOT ready for jingle bell tunes yet.

I hope everyone who reads my blog is well. I seem to have lost a few followers over the past few months, and I truly thank those still staying connected to my blog. It's nice to have blog buddies :) I think about everyone and their unique journeys often!

All Clear

2011-10-20T13:46:00.002-05:00

I had my post-delivery check up with my OB.

All good. My C-section incision looks good, my weight is 8 pounds lighter than pre-pregnancy, I am in good spirits, and my uterus is back down to its pre-pregnancy size. I can exercise (even though I was way ahead of the game - without the Dr.'s okay... oops - and already back to running), get massages, have sex, and do whatever. The only caution my OB gave me is to take it easy on sit-ups, given my incision needing more time to heal internally. No problem... who likes sit-ups, anyway?!

She then asked me what kind of birth control she could prescribe. It felt SO WEIRD for her to ask me that, after the years and years of medicine I took and discussions about how to make pregnancy happen, not prevent it.

I chose none. If I get pregnant again now, great. We aren't exactly trying (meaning, not tracking or anything... I haven't even gotten my period yet), but if it happens, it happens. We are totally cool with that. We will officially start trying again next spring/summer. It would be awesome if, by Max's first birthday, I am pregnant again. Given how long it took us to get pregnant the first time, who's to say that the second time won't be equally, if not even more, hard? Plus, if we start next summer and it takes us another couple years... well, at least we were actively trying and not sitting back waiting. I've always wanted two kids, close together in age. I have a younger sister, and there are 6 years between us. We never were close, because we were raised almost like only children. She was still in elementary school when I started high school. We have never been close because of our distance in age. So, I've always known I want kids close together... 1 or 2 years, if possible. But given that I now know that infertility was - and is - a part of our lives, we will start trying sooner than later, knowing that it's certainly not a sure thing.

Otherwise, life is good. Max grows more and more everyday, as does our love for him. He turned two months this week... crazy. We are bringing him to the pumpkin patch on Saturday - Mr. D's birthday - I'll post pics afterwards :)

Hope everyone's week is going well! Enjoy this beautiful autumn day.

XOXO

Mrs. D

Once an IFer, Always an IFer

2011-10-10T17:29:00.003-05:00

I've said it before, and will say it again: once an IFer, always an IFer. Even if a woman's (or man's) dreams of conceiving, carrying, and delivering a live baby come true, IF just never leaves your soul once you've experienced it... whatever your journey may be. You don't "graduate" to non-IF status, in my opinion. You're part of the lifelong club. Personally, I am okay with - and even grateful for - that. IF has made me humble, more sensitive, more thankful, and more supportive.

Today, Max and I went to the Pool & Spa store. We have a hot tub, and have been to this store multiple times over the summer to purchase hot tub chemicals. The store manager is super nice and has been extremely helpful. We always ask for her when we go in.

So, I walk in with Max, and there she is at the front counter. I was so happy to see her (instead of looking like a stalker and asking only for her to help me). She, however... not sure if she was happy to see me. She said, "Oh, hi - it looks like you have a baby now and not a baby bump." It wasn't a rude tone, but one that sounded... different. Hollow. Painful. Sad.

I would put my paycheck on the fact that she's an IFer. I could tell how she was looking at Max and how I could feel her heart hurt. She said all of the things someone should ask if they know you, but not really... I love his name, he's beautiful, life must be different but in a good way, etc.

But I could tell. It was painful, fake conversation. In one way, I wanted nothing else but to get the hell out of that store. But I stayed... and I answered all of her questions and thanked her for her sweet comments about my little boy. Our voices were really low, and it took all I have not to say something lame, like, "You know, it took a long time for us to welcome this little guy." But I let it be. Because I know that if the roles were reversed (which, trust me, I've been in similar situations time and time again), I wouldn't want anyone to say anything to make me look emotional on the outside when I was breaking inside.

If anyone is reading this who is in the trenches of IF, please know that my opinion is that we all never really leave IF Land. Once a baby comes along, it's not like you're "cured" or get to "graduate." We all belong to an amazing community where support is a necessity, no matter what stage you're in. It makes me happy to know that we all belong in one way or another.

Leaving Town

2011-10-07T08:45:00.006-05:00

I've been a bad blogger and bad blog friend... I've been checking in on blogs but not commenting this week. It's been a busy one for us! I promise to get back in the swing of commenting and posting updates next week. Overall, everything is going awesome. Max is doing really well and continues to get cuter and more fun every day.

We're off to Brainerd, MN - a sweet, quaint resort town where my parents rented a cabin for the week. Mr. D, Max, and I are heading out this afternoon and will be back on Sunday... it will be Max's first time sleeping somewhere other than our house!

The weather here in MN is GORGEOUS... below are a couple of pictures of my front yard view. We have a ton of trees in our yard and neighborhood, and it's so beautiful this time of year to watch the seasons change. If you ever have the chance to visit MN, please do... it truly is such a beautiful place. And, of course, let me know if and when you travel to MN :)

My parents' cabin is on a large lake, and although it may be a bit chilly, I am going to attempt waterskiing (first time since last summer). Sometimes at this point in the season, the air is a bit chilly but the lake water is still warm from the summer... we'll see :) It's been about 80 degrees this week here in the city, but it's likely at least 10 degrees cooler up north in Brainerd.

Have a great weekend and I promise to be in touch next week!

XOXO

Mrs. D

Trees in the front yard going up our driveway:

View of the pond across the street:

Max, chillin' in his diaper on our bed:

Single Parenting

2011-10-01T15:31:00.004-05:00

During the week, from the hours of 8 a.m. to 6 p.m., I am alone with my little man. At some point in the evening, Mr. D gets home from work and we help one another... with Max, with getting dinner ready, dishes washed, laundry done, etc. We also went into this whole parenthood experience supporting each other and wanting our son more than anything... knowing that this would be a two-person effort.

Mr. D is away for the afternoon, evening, and night at a bachelor party for his good friend, leaving me alone until tomorrow morning. This is the first time I will be alone with Little Man over night, and I am a bit nervous. And then I realized... there are parents who parent alone 24/7. Wow. I don't know how they do it.

Today, I am giving a shout-out to all of the moms and dads who parent alone. Whether by choice or not, I have a whole new respect and appreciation for those who raise children by themselves.

Best Night Ever

2011-09-28T17:21:00.002-05:00

Max slept through the night! Oh, my gosh, did it feel good to sleep, uninterrupted, all night. Of course, I woke up several times to check to make sure he was still breathing, but he never woke up to eat.

Fell asleep at 9:30 p.m and woke up at 6:15 a.m.

Let's hope this is a pattern, not just a fluke :) He is requiring more milk during feedings and less times to be fed, so hopefully we are all in for some more night-time sleep!

I read so many things about the "magical 6-week mark" of a baby's life - how they are awake more, more content, smiley, sleep longer, lose some of their baby acne, and are overall just more calm. IT IS SO TRUE... literally, the day before Max turned 6 weeks, I started noticing changes, and now, one day after his 6-week birthday, it's like he is a different kid. I love it!

To Freeze or Not to Freeze... That is the Question

2011-09-27T10:10:00.003-05:00

Last night, a friend and co-worker of mine came over to meet Max. Her name is Katie, and I've known her for about 4 years. Katie is very independent, very smart, motivated, nice-looking... very type-A personality. She is 35 years old, has a great career and makes well over $100K, never been married, and wants nothing more than to have a wonderful relationship that turns into a marriage. She is very active in the dating scene and keeps wondering when she will meet Mr. Right.

During my 4 years of knowing Katie, she has made it pretty clear that she doesn't want kids. Just not her thing... she is career-focused, likes having freedom, not sure she wants to be a mother, etc. She's been dating guys on-and-off for as long as I've known her using online sites, and she's kept her profile to show that she's not interested in having kids.

So, last night, she tells Mr. D and me that she is considering going to a fertility clinic to have her eggs collected and stored. When I asked her about the change of heart (because, I mean, come on... going from not wanting kids at ALL to now working with a fertility clinic?!), she said that she wants to do this to at least have the option to have kids if she meets the right guy, gets married, and they decide they want children. Plus, she mentioned that 35-year old eggs are "younger" and "better" than if she were to try to achieve pregnancy on her own later in life.

I was in complete shock. Not only is this coming from the friend who only dates guys who know that kids are not in her future, but she nonchalantly mentioned that the fee is $5K to retrieve the eggs and $60/month to store them (and then another $5K or so to put them back)... not a big hit on her pocketbook, I guess. So then I asked what she would do with the eggs if she determined she didn't have a need to use them, and she mentioned donating them.

So, here's my question... and I apologize if it offends anyone reading my blog. Why would you freeze eggs if you're not 10000% sure (yes, I know I typed 10000 instead of 100) that you want kids? I think donating them is fantastic if you aren't going to use them, but I would assume that the purpose of freezing them in the first place is for your own use?

And here's my even bigger question: would you freeze eggs just in case you met the right guy who definitely wants kids? Even if you never really wanted kids?

I know it's really none of my business what Katie does and I will support her in anything she decides, but this just caught me off-guard. Maybe it's because I knew that I wanted kids more than anything, and investigated all of the avenues to do so. She seems to be taking it the opposite way and investigating all avenues and then making the decision of if she wants kids.

I guess there's multiple ways to look at people's fertility journeys.

Healthy Little Man and Pictures

2011-09-23T10:22:00.007-05:00

Max was in for his one-month appointment yesterday! Here are his* stats:

(*May I just pause here and mention that it is surreal to be posting Max's information, not my infertility or pregnancy-related info... HCG levels, baby's heartrate, protein levels, etc...)

Weight: 10 pounds, 9.5 ounces = 75 percentile

Length: 22 inches = 75 percentile

Head Circumference: 15 inches = 95 percentile

We have a strong, healthy, growing boy!

I am trying my hardest not to resort to the feelings of "where did the time go" or "I wish he was still only a couple days old" and making sure to live in the present and feel blessed for what we have today instead of dwelling in yesterday. The truth is, Max gets better and better as the days go by, and I need to remind myself that this isn't a dream. He is my son, and he will be here, God-willing, with me for the rest of my life. I get to be this little boy's mother. And although he was smaller, more newborn-ish yesterday than he is today, he will be here tomorrow, will need me to be his Mom, and will still be part of our lives. I don't know if any of that makes sense, but it does to me, and I needed to type it out to feel like I've communicated it somehow.

Here's a few pics of my little man...

Kind if a funny expression on his face, but I love it:

Max LOVES taking naps in his swing:

Love this picture (minus the baby acne):

Happy One Month, Maxwell!

2011-09-17T19:08:00.002-05:00

One month ago, my life changed forever and my little man was born. Ahhhh! Time flies.

We've been having SO much fun. One month ago, as I type, the doctors were starting to hint at a C-section after I was exhausted from hours upon hours of labor. Feels like just yesterday in some respects. On the other hand, it feels like this little guy has been in our lives for months now. We learn something new about him every day.

Here's what we've been up to:

- Max developed a protein allergy a couple of weeks ago, which has sent us on numerous paths to figure out the best food for him. I stopped breastfeeding. Two things contributed to this: one, I had a breast reduction about 10 years ago and wasn't sure if I'd ever get any milk in... turns out, I barely got any; and two, if I was to continue, the pediatrician wanted me to cut out dairy and meat... that was enough to make me quit. Not that I wouldn't have done anything necessary for him, but I was literally getting about 1.5 ounces combined from both breasts when I pumped (which was ALL THE TIME)... not worth it. My pediatrician agreed. So, now we're trying a protein-sensitive formula, which seems to be helping. Time will tell.

- I returned to my love of running. I strapped on my Nikes exactly two weeks after Max was born, and reunited with the road after 9 months. It felt AMAZING. I actually shed some tears after my first run (might have been hormones). I ran about 3 miles this afternoon and keep thinking about a 5K that is going on in our neighborhood next weekend... pretty sure I need to run it :)

- Trying to stay busy while on leave. Maternity leave always sounded really glamorous to me... 12 weeks (or more, in my case) of paid time off work... what could be better?! And, don't get me wrong... it is wonderful bonding time. But I've struggled a bit with normally being so productive and value-added at work (truly, not trying to toot my own horn here) and now transitioning to a different kind of "staying busy". My days are consumed with laundry, feeding, washing bottles, cuddling... all fun stuff, but totally different than my days of wearing suits and stilettos to work and leading meetings in Corporate America all day. So, I've tried to stay busy... joined a Mommy-and-Me class, going to Target (multiple times!), and running errands.

I'll post pics in the next couple of days... need to get to my computer downstairs so that I can download some off our camera!

Happy weekend, everyone!

... And, Happy One-Month Birthday, my little Max... words can't express how much you were wanted and are loved :)

Things that Surprise Me

2011-09-11T18:37:00.004-05:00

Although I prepared my whole life for the experience of motherhood, there are several things that I have surprised me.

Overall, I learned that I over-prepared, which isn't such a bad thing. Take, for example, my stock pile of diapers:

Yup, I have a 6-month supply. I received some very good advice from our financial planner: once you have enough storage (which, for us, meant April, since that's when we closed on our house), buy a box of diapers every time you make a weekly shopping trip to Target. That way, you'll stock up little by little and can just buy diapers here and there while still keeping a decent supply.

We also bought way too many things that seemed like something we would use. A few examples: wipe warmer, travel bottle warmer, Mothers Milk tea, SwaddleMes (my kid only likes SleepSacks), and the list goes on. But I am glad we over-prepared instead of under-prepared... there's really not much that we've had to go purchase.

But here are some things that have truly surprised me:

About Max:

He really does look like my husband and me. It's crazy to see your own flesh and blood that was created. Sometimes I just stare at him and realize how much of a miracle he is.
The kid eats. A LOT. I didn't realize how much and how often babies eat. My whole schedule revolves around when the next feeding time is.

About Mr. D:

He wanted to be a father just as much as I've wanted to be a mother. Of course, I knew that we both wanted kids, and that our journey with infertility affected us both in different ways, but I never really sat back and realized how much he wanted to be a Dad.
He loves me more than I imagined. The hugs, kisses, and snuggles in bed I've received since having Max feel much different now... it's almost like he is thanking me for our son every time he is around me.

About Me:

Motherhood fits me. Not that I ever really doubted that it would, but I am surprised at how instinctual and motherly I've become in three short weeks.
Although motherhood fits me, I am looking forward to going back to work when the time comes. Not that I am not enjoying time with my son, but I know that I would not be a good stay-at-home-person. I value my career, and Max will value his time interacting with other children at daycare.
I loved being pregnant. I lost all of the pregnancy weight I gained (about 20 lbs.) within 10 days of Max's birth, and now weigh less than pre-pregnancy (although I am now working off some of the lovely, chubby-looking skin left over...). I loved how I treated my body, how I ate, how I exercised, how I carried my baby... everything.
I am dead-set on working out and getting my old stomach back. I started running on Max's 2 week birthday (only a couple miles), and have been running every-other day since. I need to get rid of the little bit that's left.
Although I conceived, carried a healthy baby, and delivered our son, I still consider myself to be on this journey of IF. It kind of irritates me when people who have conceived or had a baby say things to the effect of, "thinking of you who are still struggling" or "I remember dealing with IF... just keep hanging in there." In my opinion, once an IFer, always an IFer. We are all bonded for life, and it seems funny to me that some people who think they used to be IFers feel as though they have "graduated."

The biggest thing that surprises me is how much I want another kid. Max isn't even a month old yet, and I am already thinking about when to pull out my ovulation tester. It's weird. I always have wanted kids to be close together in age (maybe 2-3 years or so), but it's surprising to me how much I have thought about how and when to try for #2. Even more surprising? Mr. D is totally onboard and is thinking about it, too. Given how much time it took us to get Max, I think we are both thinking that we should start at the earliest point we would be okay with. Maybe next summer... who knows.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend :)

Max's Birth Story: Part Two

2011-09-08T10:24:00.003-05:00

They kept saying that I was progressing really slowly, but that the baby would be born anytime... certainly sometime that morning or early afternoon. But that didn't exactly happen...

I literally slept pretty much all day from 8:30 a.m. until about 8:00 p.m. The times I would wake up is when a nurse or doctor would come in to check on me and need to talk to me, when the medicine would start to taper off, and I could feel contractions again, or I wanted to talk to Mr. D. The doctor came in to break my water at about 10:00 a.m - what a weird sensation. Felt like I took the biggest pee ever all over the bed. TMI alert... Throughout the day, I also bled a lot... the nurses kept saying it was bloody show. I guess I thought that bloody show was just a little blood, but if what I saw was truly bloody show, there was a LOT.

We took some pictures of us in the labor room, but because I looked like absolute hell (pale, no makeup, baggy eyes, drained face, etc.), I'll refrain from posting :) I will, however, now that Max is here, post a family pic soon. I have never posted a picture of myself on my blog (for a long time, I intended to remain anonymous), but feel that now is the right time to share pics of our family. Soon to come :)

Anyway, throughout the day, I was checked numerous times, and little progress was being made. Around 11:00, my doctor finally explained it to me: during labor, the cervix is supposed to open (duh). Two things were happening to mine: first, mine was getting harder and thicker (the opposite of effacing). He had seen this before, but wasn't sure why mine was doing this. In addition to my cervix doing the opposite of what it was supposed to, with every contraction, Max's head was bumping up against my cervix instead of gradually applying more and more pressure to open it. This was resulting in my cervix becoming swollen, and poor Max tilting his head and trying other positions for his head to come out. Eventually, his forehead/eyebrows/eyes were the parts of his head that were trying to come first, when it is best when the top of their head comes first.

Throughout the day, I SLOWLY progressed off and on. As long as I was technically progressing (meaning, dilating further), they wanted me to continue laboring. Every time a nurse or doctor would come in, they would say something to the effect of, "Oh, this won't be long... soon, you'll start dilating really quickly and the baby will be here. Just you wait!"

But by 8:00 p.m. - almost 24 hours after my contractions started - we were losing faith that it would really happen naturally. 8:00 is the last time I remember the nurse saying, "you've progressed" - and at that point, I had made it to 5 centimeters. At 9:00, the doctor came in, checked me, and said that I was still at a 5 and that it was time to start talking about a C-section.

I was really sad. I had just spent almost a whole day in painful labor only to result with a C-section. But there was really no choice. Had there been anyway that I could have delivered naturally, I would have held on hope and continued trying, but my cervix was starting to close. Since my water had been broken, we had a few hours to keep trying, but the doctors said that there was really no way that the baby would come out of a closed cervix.

So, I was given until 9:45 to continue laboring to see if any additional progress could be made. And at 9:45, when I was still at a 5 and my cervix was even more swollen, the decision was made by the doctors, Mr. D and me to go ahead with a C-section.

Within 10 minutes, my doctor, about 7 nurses, 2 anesthesiologists and I were in the operating room. I was given numbing medication and prepped for surgery. They kept Mr. D out of the operating room until I was cut open (not exactly sure why - I am sure there's a policy or something about this), and I kept asking for Mr. D. He finally came into the room in scrubs with the biggest, excited grin on his face. Up until this point, I was exhausted and kind of sad about needing a C-section, but seeing Mr. D so, so excited at that moment completely re-energized me.

Mr. D stayed at my head with the camera and talked to me. I remember him saying how he was so proud of me and how excited he was to finally be a Daddy.

And then I heard, "Okay, you're going to feel a little pressure..." (up until this point, I hadn't felt a thing), which just felt like a little rocking motion in my belly. They told Mr. D to stand up and watch them take our baby out of me. I watched him as he looked over the blanket covering my stomach, and smiled as I saw his expression of complete amazement.

And then I heard the most wonderful sound I have ever heard in my life.

Screaming. It was Max. He was alive, I was a Mom, and he was here.

Mr. D gave me a kiss before a nurse quickly rushed him off to the scale to take pictures of Max being weighed. As they were pulling him out of me, I heard a couple nurses say something to the effect of, "Wow, that's a big baby!" and "He's a healthy, big boy!" I thought for sure that meant he was a 12-pounder. But I soon heard the nurse call out: "Time of delivery: 10:12 p.m. Weight: 8 pounds, 5 ounces. Length: 21.6 inches. Baby Boy."

And then the waterworks started. I cried the whole time as I was being stitched back together. Max cried, too, which made me cry harder... complete happiness. I didn't see him for about 5 minutes as the nurses performed the AP.GAR tests, and I kept asking Mr. D questions from across the room: Does he have all 10 fingers and toes? Does he look healthy? Did he open his eyes? Is he breathing?

Finally, Mr. D came over to my head, and the nurse untied my left arm so that I could put my arm around my son. As soon as I put my arm around him, I stopped crying, and so did Max. We locked eyes and just stared at each other. It was probably the most surreal, amazing moment of my life... this little baby was just pulled out of me, and the second we laid eyes on each other, it's like he knew exactly who I was. Mr. D and I confirmed our name choice of Maxwell within about 5 seconds... we always said we wanted to wait to "see what he looked like," but Max was always our first pick. And after looking at him, we both knew this little guy was a Maxwell.

He was a perfect, healthy little baby boy... just what we had prayed for.

Max's Birth Story: Part One

2011-09-03T17:07:00.002-05:00

Although there are a million other things I need to do right now (Max's laundry, our laundry, cuddle with my little guy, dishes.... etc.), I owe it to my blog, my followers, myself, Max, and anyone who's interested to fully document this amazing experience. As I take a sip of my red wine (oh, yeah... it's amazing - and the only thing I really craved during pregnancy), I will begin...

On Tuesday, August 16, I was irritated. I was 40 weeks, 3 days pregnant, still feeling amazing, and seriously doubting if I was ever going to go into labor. It's amazing what was going through my mind... I was truly starting to question if I was even pregnant, or if this was just a huge practical joke and I had just put on some weight and appeared to be pregnant. That Monday, my boss had continued to be the best ever, and told me to have my cell phone close, but don't worry about logging in to work or doing anything work-related. So, I spent most of Tuesday watching The People's Court, Maury Povich, and cuddling with my dog.

Mr. D arrived home from work around 5:00, and we started dinner. Tacos. Never thought tacos would be my last dinner, but it ended up to be. For some reason, when we were doing our weekly grocery shopping the past Sunday, they were out of our regular taco seasoning (we pre-plan all of our dinners for the week... I know, it's a bit OCD, but it keeps us organized). So, we bought a new taco seasoning that ended up being SUPER spicy - which I didn't mind, but did it contribute to putting me into labor? Not sure. Anyway, around 6:30, a huge storm rolled through the Twin Cities area. Lots of rain, some thunder, lightning, and dark clouds. It passed within an hour or so. On top of the spicy tacos, could the storm have started labor? Again, not sure, but looking back, both serve as old wives' tales things that trigger contractions.

At 8:30 p.m, I felt a contraction. I was laying on one couch, and Mr. D on the other as we watched Teen Mom on MTV (yeah, I know... lame, but I am addicted). It was not my first contraction ever, so I really didn't pay a ton of attention to it - sure, it kind of hurt, but I had Braxton Hicks contractions since 20 weeks and real contractions since about week 34, so it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. By 9:00, I had consistently had contractions 4-7 minutes apart, lasting about a minute. Mr. D and I decided to go to bed and watch TV. I continued to have contractions until 11:00 - again, consistently timed and one minute in length. Mr. D, as sweet as he is, had to get up for work in the morning, so fell asleep around 11:00. Both of us were completely unfazed at this point... I truly thought they would go away and we'd be sticking with the original plan of induction on Sunday, August 21. Funny enough, it never really crossed my mind up until that point that I could really be in labor.

I tried to fall asleep around 11:30, but woke up every 5 minutes with a contraction. By midnight, they were more and more painful. I could always breathe through them, but my stomach was as hard as a rock and crunching into a ball laying in bed seemed to be the best position to get through the pain. I woke up Mr. D at 12:30, thinking, this has GOT to be labor. We called Labor & Delivery, and the kind nurse told me we should pack up and go into the hospital, especially since at this point I was overdue. I can't believe I did this, but I actually told her that I was going to wait awhile to see if the contractions would go away. I remember the nurse saying, "Are you SURE? From what you are telling me, you need to go in to the hospital because you are in labor." But I think I was in denial... I truly thought the contractions would stop, and I had a huge fear of going to the hospital and being told to go back home. I thanked her for her help and told her I would call her back if I decided to go in. Mr. D fell back asleep, and I continued laboring for the next 45 minutes (at this point, I was walking around the house, hunched over every time a contraction would start). I finally woke him up at 1:15 and said, "It's time."

Mr. D shot out of bed quicker than I had ever seen and started packing the last-minute items into our hospital bags. In the meantime, I showered, knowing that I wanted to do my hair and shave my legs, armpits, and you-know-where before the big show began. I can't believe I showered and shaved without falling over in pain, but somehow I did. I even got out of the shower, blow-dried my hair, and straightened it (I have pretty thick, long hair, and the drying-and-straightening process takes about 30 minutes). As I was using my blow dryer and straightener, I had to put each down about every 3 minutes so that I could walk fast back to my bed and sit down as a contraction would start. It felt like a TON of pressure and I felt like the baby was coming out as the contractions continued. I wasn't crying, but the pain was pretty bad... I am surprised I never shed tears with the amount of pain I was experiencing.

After my hair was as good as it was going to be and Mr. D had everything in the car, it was time to go. Except... our dog. The plan was for my in-laws, who live about 15 minutes away, to come to our house and get him whenever it was time. But, since it didn't seem that I was going into labor before our scheduled induction, they had went out of town to Wisconsin for one night. So - we called my parents, who live about 5 miles from the hospital and asked them to please meet us there.

The ride to the hospital was the longest ever. We left our house at about 2:00 a.m., and I contracted once every 3-4 minutes. And they were PAINFUL. My dog was sitting on Mr. D's lap and just staring at me... he totally knew I was in pain and didn't know how to make me feel better. We called Labor & Delivery again and told them that we were on our way. My Dad met us at the hospital, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and took our dog. Mr. D and I went through the Emergency entrance and went up to the Family Birth Center. We were escorted into an exam room and I was placed on two monitors - one to monitor baby's heartbeat (which, thankfully, throughout the entire labor and delivery process remained completely normal) and one to monitor my contractions.

I was given a cervical exam at about 2:30 a.m. I was thinking I was at LEAST 3 centimeters dilated, after all of the laboring I did at home. But, no... I wasn't dilated at ALL. I was so pissed at my body. There was NO WAY I could be in this much pain and have this many consistent contractions and NOT be in labor. The nurse had me stay on the exam table for an hour and continue to contract. She thought that I would progress and they would be able to admit me. Their "policy" is to only admit women who are at least 2, if not 3, centimeters dilated. At 3:30, when I was checked again and still at a ZERO, I just about started crying. The nurse could tell that I was definitely in labor, but not sure why I wasn't progressing. So, I was told to walk around the Family Birth Center for the next HOUR and come back to get checked again.

Mr. D and I slowly walked the most painful walk and longest period of my life... I was contracting every 2-4 minutes and they were STRONG. I almost threw up at least 10 times, and gripped the side of the wall every time I had a contraction. Poor Mr. D didn't know what to do, but was such a trooper... rubbing my back and literally holding me up when I thought I was going to collapse. As we were walking, I felt a wet glob fall down my right leg... totally thought it was KY jelly they used during the exam, but nope... it was my mucous plug. I thought I was going to die from the pain and thought for SURE I had progressed.

Around 4:45 a.m., the nurse checked me again and I was still not dilated at all. She actually asked if I had any procedures done to my cervix to hold it together, as she couldn't quite believe that nothing had happened either.

At 5:30, a Doctor from the group's practice came in. She checked me, and I had FINALLY dilated to a ONE (I wanted to scream, 'WTF?? ARE YOU SERIOUS???'). The decision was made to admit me... THANK THE LORD. The Doctor thought for sure that I would just progress from here and the baby would be here in no time.

I was officially laying in a labor room at 6:00 a.m. and was asked if I would like pain medication. "Hell, yes," I said, "Give me anything you got."

I was given an IV and some mild pain medicine right away, and the nurses said that, in looking at how quickly I was contracting (which usually means that I would be progressing quickly), they would recommend an Epidural sooner than later. So, at 8:05 a.m., I was given an Epidural. And it did not hurt a BIT... I had heard so many horror stories, but it seriously felt like a mosquito bite. Within 10 minutes, I was floating on cloud nine... no pain whatsoever. It was lovely. I couldn't feel anything from my belly button down to my toes, but I could care less. The medicines did make me sleepy, though, and I slept for the most of the day. I kept getting woken up by Doctors and Nurses who would come in to check me, but I was exhausted and couldn't have cared less.

They kept saying that I was progressing really slowly, but that the baby would be born anytime... certainly sometime that morning or early afternoon. But that didn't exactly happen...

Part Two of Max's Birth Story coming in the next couple days!

A Couple Pictures...

2011-08-25T16:44:00.004-05:00

Mr. D and Max are snuggled, sleeping skin-to-skin on the couch, so I thought I would take the opportunity to post a couple pictures...

Here is Max when he was about 12 hours old. I love this hat!

Max, asleep on my arm, at 4 days old - about 2 hours after we got home from the hospital.

Things are going REALLY well... we love Max to pieces and are loving our new roles as parents. It certainly is challenging, though - one of us is constantly doing something baby-related... feeding, changing, burping, cuddling, making bottles, doing another load of his laundry (holy cow - I was totally unprepared for how much laundry a baby goes through! We are averaging 2-3 loads a day). I seriously have NO idea how single parents or teenage mothers do it... Mr. D and I are loving it, but even as well-prepared as we were to have this little guy join us, it's a ton of work. It's so incredibly worth it :)

Max had his newborn pictures done today by a family friend and amazingly talented, well-known baby photographer in the Twin Cities. I will post some once we get access to the online gallery - should be a week or so.

XOXO

Mrs. D

The Revised Plan... He's Here :)

2011-08-22T05:19:00.005-05:00

Well, let's just say that I didn't make it to induction date (which was supposed to be Sunday)... Baby D had other plans in store :) It was my first lesson as a mother that, indeed, this baby has a mind of his own!

I will post so much more later, but it is with amazement, joy, excitement, and all the love in the world that I introduce:

Maxwell (Max) Brian

Born on August 17, 2011 at 10:12 p.m. (sorry I didn't post this earlier - my iPhone would not allow me to post with Blogger, so I had to wait until we got home)

8 pounds, 5 ounces

21.6 inches

Spitting image of his Daddy, with a few features of his Mommy :)

I will post his birth story in the next week or so (I really want to hold myself accountable to this so that I remember all of the details!), but here's the summary:

- Contractions started at 8:30 p.m. on Tuesday night, August 16 - they were consistently 1 minute long and 5 minutes apart. I was in pain.

- I labored at home until 2:00 a.m. on Wednesday, August 17. I called my Doctor's office, they told me to get to the hospital. We packed, got ready, and made it to the hospital at about 3:15 a.m.

- I was only dilated to a ZERO (go figure), but the nurses could see that I was, indeed in labor. They needed to see me progress to a three to technically be able to admit me. The time between 3:15 a.m. and 6 a.m. was NOT a fun time... they made me walk around the hospital as I was in major pain, contracting constantly. I thought I was going to die. I lost my mucous plug as we were walking around labor and delivery.

- At 6:00 a.m., I was checked by the Doctor on call, and I was a 1.5 (seriously, a 1.5?!?! I was so angry with my body). They decided to admit me - at this point, I was due to be induced on Sunday, anyway, so they figured my labor would progress throughout the day and we'd be in business.

Here's where my summary will stop, as I owe this birth story all of the details. Long story made short, I was in labor for a total of 26 hours before he was born, the Doctors still don't know the reason why, but my cervix ended up doing the opposite of what it is supposed to do during labor... mine got harder, thicker, and swelled up. Besides the fact that my cervix was not cooperating and by 9:00 p.m. and I had only progressed to five centimeters, Max's head was turned and there would have needed to be significant effort by the Doctor to turn him, which wasn't guaranteed to happen. So, at 9:50 p.m., the decision was made that Max needed to come out via C-section.

Max was born at 10:12 p.m., and the moment he was pulled out of me, he started to cry and scream. And I lost it... right there on the operating table. ALL I could think about is how much we waited for him, how difficult it was to get to this point, and it was official... he was alive, I was a Mom, and I loved him more than anything in the entire world. I remember the anesthesiologist saying something to the effect of, "Tears of joy!" and it just made me cry harder. Yes, tears of joy, but also tears of every other emotion possible. It was overwhelming. They brought Max over to me, and from the moment I laid eyes on him, it was love at first sight. And he looked at me as if to say, "Hi, Mom, I am finally here."

Thank you to everyone for their prayers, e-mails, support, and love... it was and is the most incredible experience imaginable.

Birth story and PICTURES to follow soon... :)

XOXO

Mrs. D

The Plan

2011-08-16T10:48:00.003-05:00

I am still here, 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant! Officially overdue, and officially so, so, so excited to meet this little guy.

Had a Dr. appointment this morning, and guess what? Dilated to ZERO... still. It's a bit frustrating, knowing that we've planned our lives around this grand finale that was supposed to culminate no later than this past Saturday, but alas, that hasn't happened. I have gone through many emotions of being angry, pissed, sad, happy, and now, just content. I can't control this, and it's out of my hands... totally up to God to decide for us.

But - as for the good news. There is now a plan. Assuming we see no action (hard contractions, water breaking, etc.) in the next 48 hours, we go back for another appointment on Thursday at 9:30 a.m. We receive an ultrasound, which Mr. D and I are kind of excited for... we haven't seen our little guy since 20 weeks. They are going to measure amniotic fluid and size of the baby. Then, another exam right afterwards to see if I am dilating yet.

Then on Sunday, if I haven't gone into labor, we are being induced. We need to go in to the hospital at 4 p.m. and start up the process. My Dr. is working Monday and said if we do induce on Sunday, we'd likely have the baby on Monday, August 22. I have mixed feelings about all of this, but at least it's a plan, and I am happy about finally knowing when this is all going to go down. Even if I go into labor in the next 4 days, I am cool with it... as long as I know there was a plan in place to execute.

If we do need to be induced on Sunday, here is what I am sad about:

Not experiencing the, "holy cow, honey, I think it's time to go to the hospital" moment - although this would freak me out and not be easy to manage, there's something about spontaneously knowing "it's time" that seems like kind of a thrill
Not allowing my body to naturally go into labor. However, I have learned that my body is not cooperating at this point, and we need to jump-start it. For someone well-versed in the trenches of infertility - I am not surprised that my body won't do what it's supposed to.
The elongated, painful experience of being induced. Just sounds like a long, tiring, exhausting, painful process... wish my body could get us a little ways there (ie: dilating just a bit) before needing medical attention.
Increased chance of C-section. I am praying and hoping that I do not need a C-section, but of course, whatever it takes for our little guy to be born healthy and alive is most important. My Dr. said that, on average, there's a 25% chance of C-section with inductions, and about a 20% chance of C-section on non-induced labors. So, although chances are increased... it's not increased that much. I'm going to try my hardest to deliver naturally.

And here's what I am happy about:

It will be kind of nice to wake up on Sunday, have breakfast, get everything loaded in the car, take a nice, long shower, get ready, and peacefully drive to the hospital to start the process.
Starting labor over the weekend qualifies Mr. D for another full-week of paid paternity leave, so that would be nice. He will take two weeks, and then the next Monday after is Labor Day... no work. So, we could maximize his time off. If baby is born before the weekend, Mr. D would lose out on some vacation time we are saving for later in the year when I go back to work.
Mr. D was born on October 22, and his favorite number of all-time is 22. He considers it is lucky number, and he wore it on all of his sports jerseys. When Dr. told us that if I am induced on Sunday, that means chances are very likely that he would be born on August 22, you should have seen Mr. D's eyes light up. So cute :)

So, that's the plan. I feel good that we finally have something outlined to show us how this is all going to happen. Of course, the plan may not work out and baby might be born before then, but it gives me a sense of calm that there is, indeed, a plan.

40 Weeks!

2011-08-13T14:40:00.002-05:00

Absolutely unbelievable. We made it! 40 weeks of pregnancy. This journey is far from over... there's still labor and delivery of a healthy baby that we are anxious to have happen any time now, but one miracle is that I got pregnant, remained pregnant, and am now officially due to have a child. Wow. Last year at this time, it wouldn't have seemed possible.

But here we are, on our due date. Mr. D took me out for breakfast, we took a walk, played around in the baby's room, and I am looking forward to a spicy Asian dinner tonight at a local joint this evening. I am so ready to have this kid, but really trying to enjoy the last day(s) - hopefully - of this wonderful pregnancy.

And, with no further ado... here is the grand finale (although no baby yet): my 40 week update:

Best Moment of the Week: Hitting 40 weeks. Although I would have loved to deliver already, the other side of me is so incredibly thankful that our little guy has had 40 weeks to develop inside of me. So many concerns are avoided by hitting this point of pregnancy (he likely will have lower risk of jaundice, more fully-developed lungs, better sense of sleeping and eating, etc.). It is all a blessing.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: "WHEN IS THAT BABY COMING OUT?" Asked by: everyone, including me. If anyone has the answer - not guess - so I can plan this whole labor thing, let me know and I will seriously pay you a lovely cash prize.

Obsessions: Wondering when this show is going to go down. Will my water break? Will I start having hard contractions? Will I end up being induced? Who knows...

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Giving birth. I have a Doctor appointment on Tuesday morning, and if he's not here yet, my Doctor said we will likely have an ultrasound to ensure everything still looks good (right amount of fluid, baby is reacting to certain senses appropriately, etc.), and she will likely schedule an induction for later in the week. So, I am assuming that we will have a baby by this time next week - even with induction - but maybe the induction won't be scheduled until next Sunday? Not sure. Either way, I am looking forward to learning more and *hopefully* welcoming this little guy to our family this week.

What I Miss the Most: Nothing really... I am sleeping better this week (although a night sleeping on my stomach sounds like absolute heaven).

Symptoms: Contractions here and there, but nothing in a pattern. Foot/ankle swelling. Anxiousness, nervousness, excitement... all of the emotions you can think of (if those count as symptoms) :)

Like Father, Like Son

2011-08-11T17:00:00.003-05:00

It totally clicked when my Doctor got done with my cervical exam yesterday, took off her gloves, and said, "Well, you're still not dilated."

Key the "ah-ha" moment (imagine a lightbulb going on in my head): Little Man isn't even born yet, and I already know... this kid is totally like his father.

Although I haven't passed my due date yet, after this true ah-ha moment, I now am pretty sure I will go over.

How do I know this?

Have I shared that my lovely Mr. D was 2.5 hours late to our first date? Oh, yeah, 2.5 hours. Long story made short, we met one another, talked on the phone for a few days, and decided to go out on a date. He was to pick me up at my apartment Friday night at 6:30.

Imagine me... dressed to the 9's, ready for the big date. I was ready by 6:15, the latest. At 6:30, I tried to appear that I was still busy - just in case he came to the door right then - by washing the countertops, writing out bills, watching TV, and hanging out and messing with my hair in the bathroom. 6:45, 7:00 passes... no Mr. D. 7:15, 7:30. I am now a bit ticked, but mostly worried. Did he get into a car accident? Get cold feet and not want to see me? Forget about our plans all together? I called his phone, and he answered. "I'm on my way!" he told me. Okay, no big deal... he's just running late. I tried my hardest to be patient as I watched TV.

8:00, 8:15, and 8:30 now pass. And I am ticked. It is TWO HOURS after he was supposed to pick me up - where the HELL is he? I called him again and got some lame excuse about leaving the house late, had to stop and get gas, there was traffic, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. It was at 8:45 that I finally decided I was going to put on my PJs and call it a night. So, I did. And no more than 5 minutes after I put on my PJs, who showed up at my door? Mr. D and all of his handsomeness (with flowers, thank goodness). To this day, I can't believe how his charm, smile, and apologies completely faded the past 2.5 hours away. Within 10 minutes, I was back in my going-out clothes and we were out the door to dinner.

Seven years ago, when this happened, I should have taken this as a sign. The boy was late. Not just a few minutes, but HOURS late. And what did I learn from this experience? Not just Mr. D, but his ENTIRE family, are ALWAYS LATE. Not 2.5 hours late, like he was for our first date, but just straight-up LATE to everything they go to.

For years, it drove me nuts. I used to get so mad every time he was late, or WE were late because of something or another... church, parties, dinner reservations, movies, you name it. It's almost like it's in his family's blood. My family is always on time (or early), so this was quite the change. But over time, guess what happened? Mr. D made ME late so many times that I now consider it EARLY if we actually make it somewhere on time. I've gotten to be really sly about what time I tell Mr. D to show up at things - for example, doctor appointments. My appointment yesterday was at 3:50. What time did I tell Mr. D to arrive? 3:30 - actually, I told him 3:25, because I reminded him that we need to be there 5 minutes early. We drove separate, and guess what time he got there? 3:50. Right on time, due to my meticulous planning :)

I am now 2 days from my due date, and it finally struck me like a bolt of lightening...

What am I waiting for? Do I actually think anything is going to happen before Saturday? Heck no... not anymore.

Like father, like son... this kid's gonna be late.

Let's Get This Party Started

2011-08-10T07:48:00.002-05:00

It's probably weird to WANT labor to start, but I am officially there. Bring it on. I've had on-and-off contractions all week, and I just want them to finally be in a pattern.

I have a Doctor appointment today at 3:45, and I am praying that this little guy is getting close. Last week, I was effaced, but not yet dilated... hoping that I've progressed and dilated since then.

Come on, Little Man, it's time for you to come out and meet your Mom and Dad. We've been dreaming about and waiting for you longer than you can imagine.

38 & 39 Weeks!... And, I am Ready...

2011-08-07T08:48:00.002-05:00

I am 39 weeks, 1 day pregnant, and I can officially say that as of this past Friday, I am ready. I want this little guy to be born. Selfishly, it's starting to get harder and harder. I have had the easiest, most blessed pregnancy up to this point, and I am just starting now to slow down. It's impossible to sleep. My hands, joints, back, legs, ankles... they all ache. And I think the baby is thinking the same thing... time to blow this Popsicle stand. He can barely get comfortable himself... every movement is a significant adjustment, and I am sure he is thinking, "okay, there is clearly NOT enough room in here anymore."

I was done working as of Friday. I work for the best company in the world, and my boss is cool with me working from home until the baby is born. So, although I'll be logging in and calling into meetings, my production level will be cut at least in half, and nobody seems to care.

So, now it's just a waiting game. Will he be born today? Will I go into labor tomorrow? Or surpass my due date? Who knows, but I just told Mr. D last night that I am officially ready for him to come out. Mr. D agreed. It's time. After planning and waiting this long, it's time to get the show on the road :)

I pray that everything is going well for my blog friends... now that I'll have more time on my hands this week (assuming Little Man decides to stay put), I'll have some time to check up on you ladies and leave some comments :)

I missed last week, so here are my two weekly updates:

Best Moment of the Weeks: We had a baby shower at my work that Mr. D came in to attend. It was so much fun... 30 people at least, and everyone was excited for us. That was a fun day. Also, getting everything - and I mean everything - situated. We've been planning, and organizing, and situating for months now, and we're FINALLY all done. Feels so good. Now we just need Little Man to be here.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: Because I am officially trying to get this kid out, Mr. D and I started BD'ing (not that we had stopped, but it's a different experience 9 months pregnant). I don't remember the exact comment, but he said something to the effect that he was having back spasms... the positions you have to try at this stage in the game are interesting, to say the least!

Obsessions: Whatever it takes.... let's just get this show on the road.

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Not physically going back to work until mid-November - whoo-hoo! - and going to my Wednesday Dr. appointment. Curious to see if anything has progressed from last Wednesday...

What I Miss the Most: This week, I miss sleeping. It's impossible to sleep well right now.

Symptoms: Contractions here and there, but nothing in a pattern. Foot/ankle swelling. All exciting, lovely stuff :)

37 Weeks!

2011-07-26T19:56:00.002-05:00

Here we are, well into the 37th week. We are set. I think. For the most part, anyway. If he were to be born tomorrow, we'd be ready. But selfishly, I want him to hang out inside of me as long as possible. Is it fear? Probably. I am scared, I'll admit it. But I am also excited, anxious, nervous, happy... you name it. Every single emotion you can think of.

I am finishing out the rest of this week at work, working next week, and then working from home until Little Man arrives so that I don't have to waste leave time on non-baby-related time off. I am crossing my fingers that I can make it through this week and next. After that, I would be fine with him coming at any point. Let's hope that's the case.

Here's my update:

Best Moment of the Week: Turning the corner and officially being "full term." Going to my first weekly appointment and finding out I am not effaced or dilated yet. Whew... thank goodness. Our next appointment is tomorrow (I feel like I am back with my RE, going to the doctor ALL THE TIME), and we'll see if anything has progressed.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: Are you scared? Uh, what kind of question is that? Yes, I am very scared. For everything. Water breaking at work (my #1 fear), contractions hurting like hell, the entire labor process, caring for this new little baby. The fear is in the unknown, and I guess that's what this is all about. But I am also excited :)

Obsessions: Keeping him inside... as much as I can not wait to meet him, I want him to stay put so that I can get through everything I have planned in the next two weeks and he can continue to grow, develop, and put on weight... we want a healthy little guy!

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: 2nd Doctor Appointment... tomorrow at 4 p.m.

What I Miss the Most: Let's just say I will be having a glass of wine as SOON as I get out of the hospital. No lie.

Symptoms: Hard to sleep, Braxton Hicks contractions, a little foot/ankle swelling.

36 Weeks!

2011-07-22T15:15:00.002-05:00

Worst blogger award in 2011 goes to....

Mrs. D.

It's cool. I own it. Have I just completely fallen off the face of the earth? Sometimes it feels that way. Life has been insane. Awesome, but insane. I reflect back on the last 12 months of my life, and can't believe so much has happened. By far the craziest, busiest, happiest, hardest, most challenging year of my life, and shame on me for not documenting it all. Someone once told me that one should not have more than one life change in a year (ie: new house, new child, death of a close family member/friend, divorce, etc.). Me? I can barely count how many Mr. D and I have been through since last July. The highlights include: redoing our house to place on the market, having the horrible IF procedure, selling our house, losing a TON of saved up cash to buy us out of a shitty mortgage, moving to a condo, having lap surgery to clear out my clogged fallopean tube, getting pregnant, saving up more money than I thought to be possible (seriously, living off Ramen noodles in the meantime to save $), buying our house, and getting dang close to bringing our little guy into the world. It's insane. But man, am I thankful... all of these things are wonderful, and although they've stretched Mr. D and me more than I ever thought, we are so much stronger for all of it. And our relationship has gotten even better.

... and holy cow, I am about to have a baby. After all these months (YEARS) of IF and wanting a baby so badly, I can't believe how unprepared I feel. In less than a month, we'll have a baby... incredible and at times, unbelievable. How did this happen to us? Where did the time go? And... am I really ready to have a baby? From an IF perspective, hell yeah, I'm ready. But the closer it comes, the more and more I realize that this is real and I can not prepare myself. I just need to do the best I can.

Obviously, history repeats itself, and I am behind in my blog posts. I am posting for last week's update and will post another this weekend with this week's update:

Best Moment of the Week: Noticing that little man prefers one way to be situated in my tummy. Head down (let's hope it stays that way), but up above my belly button, legs/feet toward my right side. It's funny that as my tummy grows, I no longer worry about if I can feel him or not... I worry more about getting kicked in the bladder or his butt moving across my stomach and taking my breath away.

Oh, and the four baby showers held for me. It was a wonderful week :)

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: Nothing I can really think of. EVERYONE, however, is interested in how I am doing in the heat. Minnesota has had a pretty hot and humid couple of weeks, and it hasn't been too bad for me. I also work (and live) in lovely air conditioning, so it's not like I am out in the 100 degree temps.

Obsessions: Getting everything ready... his room, birth announcements, hospital bag... you name it. Just thinking about all of it stresses me out.

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: 1st weekly doctor's appointment - wondering if I am starting to progress?

What I Miss the Most: Wine. Beer. Margaritas. Martinis. Enough said.

Symptoms: Hard to sleep, but not really impossible. Braxton Hicks contractions.

34 & 35 Weeks!

2011-07-09T12:09:00.002-05:00

I totally missed last week's update! Darn. I've been keeping up on my bloggie friends' blogs, but haven't commented on their posts or written my own... so sorry. I just haven't had time to sit down and type... hence, two weeks of updates in one post. I'll start posting comments this weekend, I promise!

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE Minnesota? Mr. D and I live about 15-20 miles from both St. Paul and Minneapolis, and we just love it. The weather in June/July has been amazing - great sunshine, warm days in the 80s/90s, and overall, beautiful everything outside... grass, trees, everything. I am sure that when I re-read this post in February next year, I will curse my own self, because yes, it does get cold here in winter. But these 4-5 months of amazing weather always makes the painful winters worth it.

So, needless to say, we've been spending time outside. We have a huge backyard, so we've been spending time grilling, out on the patio table, walking around the neighborhood with our dog, and just enjoying life....

... and enjoying pregnancy. Seriously, I love being pregnant and think I am definitely going to suffer from the baby blues... I will definitely miss being pregnant. I love how I feel, love how I can feel him, love my huge tummy, love my body... it's just weird. I've never felt healthier in my life. I know not all women experience such a wonderful time, and I feel horrible for them. Nine months of not feeling great would flat-out suck. I think God was looking down on me when we finally got pregnant and said, "you know, they've been through enough trying to conceive this little guy... I think I'll give her a really easy pregnancy."

So, here's the summed up overview of my past two weeks:

Best Moments of the Weeks: My sister threw me a huge family baby shower, which was way fun. So great to see relatives I hadn't in years. People in general are so kind and generous when you're pregnant... I received wonderfully generous gifts. We got our stroller, carseat, and tons of things off our registry. We are so blessed. We spent last weekend at home over the 4th of July, and I washed all of his clothes... hadn't washed a thing yet. Three loads later (which, if you've ever laundered baby clothes before, you know that 3 loads is a LOT of items... everything is so tiny!), little man has a TON of washed clothes, ready for him to jump into once he's here.

Entertaining Questions/Comments of the Weeks: "What is UP with your belly button?" This one came from Mr. D. I didn't get the dark line down my stomach, or popped out belly button, but my belly button sure has stretched. It is the weirdest-looking thing... it's basically not a button anymore but a flat, weird surface. I think Mr. D hadn't looked at it in a few days, and all of a sudden realized that it looks completely different.

Obsessions: Lots of obsessions... more mental than anything. Here are a few: getting hospital bag all situated, thinking about how the heck I am going to get through labor, checking out my ever-growing boobs, wondering if breast feeding is going to work, stocking up on more and more diapers and wipes, and feeling him move. I had a Dr. appointment yesterday (they are scheduled weekly from here on out!), and his head is perfectly positioned down (he was in the same spot two weeks ago). His butt pokes up a lot - close to my belly button, and feet kick out close to my right hip bone. He's getting bigger!

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: FOUR baby showers! My sister-in-law (Mr. D's sister) is throwing me one tomorrow for Mr. D's side of our family, Mr. D has a work shower on Wednesday with co-workers, we have a couple's shower on Friday night (thrown by the wife of Mr. D's good friend), and another couple's shower on Saturday (thrown by one of my best friends). We are so fortunate to have such wonderful people in our lives to celebrate with!

What I Miss the Most: Being able bend down easily - takes much more precision these days.

Symptoms: Sleeping continues to be a bit of a challenge... mostly because I need to re-adjust several times a night, and I get up to pee 3-4 times throughout the night. It's just more annoying than anything, I guess.

33 Weeks!... and other updates

2011-06-25T09:43:00.005-05:00

It's crazy how connected you start to feel to people through this crazy world of IF, even when you've never met them. Jes, one of my favorite blog buddies, found out this week that her FET of two embryos resulted in 'pregnant', but later later found out that that it was an empty sac. My heart seriously broke for her. Even Mr. D, who asks about some of the people who follow my blog, was sad for Jes and her DH. It's just not fair. I wish I knew her in real life so I could give her a big hug. Please stop over to her blog and offer her some love.

Also, another blog buddy, Rebecca, delivered Ian James this week. He was born early and is in the NICU. Stop by her blog to show them some love and support! Little Ian was due a week after me, so to see him born puts things personally into perspective for me... our little guy could be here at anytime, too. It's all in God's master plan :) I am so happy to see that little Ian is healthy... he is so precious!

And, stop by Alison's blog to offer congrats... she passed week 12 and heard the little bean's heartbeat at the Dr. office! Yay!

Let's see, what else? Busy week at work, which is nothing new. I can feel myself starting to slow down a bit... with everything. My brain is a little slower, I move a little slower, and I am more tired at night. All good signs, I guess, but mind-boggling that the reason is because we are getting closer and closer to this little guy joining our family.

Here's the weekly update:

Best Moment of the Week: Mr. D and I went to breastfeeding class, which was SUPER informative. If any of you ladies are expecting and even just want to learn more about nursing, I HIGHLY recommend taking a class. Ours was $25 and offered through our hospital - 2 hours that was totally worth it. I had a breast reduction in 2001, so I am not sure if breastfeeding will even physically work for me (my doctors have no idea either), but I am going to try and if it doesn't work, formula will be great, too. Either way, I am glad we learned about the breastfeeding process and what to expect. We also learned how to give a baby a bath in our 5th of 6 regular baby classes on Wednesday night - also very interesting. These simple tasks seem like no brainers, but the more I learn, the more I realize that taking care of him will be like nothing I've experienced before.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: When I began sharing with people that we are expecting, I would share my due date and would get comments like, "Oh, you have lots of time!" or "August is a long time away... you have a ton of time to get ready." Slowly but surely, those comments have changed into, "WOW - that's coming up! You have less than 2 months!" or "I hope you're ready... not much time left!" It's giving me a little bit of anxiety... not in a bad, nervous sense, but more from a perspective of 'holy-crap-you're-right-am-I-totally-ready?' He could literally be here anytime.

Obsessions: Getting the hospital bag ready and everything situated for what we need right away when we bring him home. The more I think about this, the more things get added to my Target list of stuff to buy.

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Baby Class #6 - our final one. We get to meet with a pediatrician this week, and I have a few questions - looking forward to "graduating" from class :)

My sister is also throwing me my first baby shower tomorrow - yay! Several family members were invited - many of which I haven't seen in at least a year. I am looking forward to it :)

What I Miss the Most: Nothing really.

Symptoms: Not being able to get fully comfortable while sleeping (although, I've learned that if I take a walk or wear myself out before bed, I hit the sheets exhausted and don't really realize that I'm not comfortable). My lower back sometimes aches at night, depending on how much sitting/standing I've done throughout the day. All in all, no symptoms to really complain about.

32 Weeks!

2011-06-22T07:19:00.002-05:00

Crazy week! Time is absolutely FLYING, and I can't believe we are so dang close to having this baby. Each week flies by and seems more busy than the last.

I owe my blog a nice, long post, but for now, I wanted to get my 32 week update done. Here it is:

Best Moment of the Week: Getting ready for Fathers Day. I made Mr. D a list of "The Top Ten Reasons I Already Love My Dad" and framed it with pictures... so fun :) We finally get to be parents and celebrate these special days.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: Nothing I can think of this week.

Obsessions: My first shower is next weekend, so I am looking forward to that. We also have breastfeeding class to learn about the whole process... we have lots to learn. We also have a Dr. appointment this week - we are now on every-other week appointments to check in on little man... wow!

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Baby shower that my sister is throwing me for my family. I am excited!

What I Miss the Most: Sleeping comfortably. I wake up several times a night to readjust or get up to pee... uninterrupted sleep would be nice.

Symptoms: Braxton Hicks, my lower back is starting to feel some pressure, and overall, I feel a bit more tired. Must be because of the extra weight I am carrying around.

Happy week, everyone!

31 Weeks!

2011-06-13T18:27:00.002-05:00

Ahh, summer is finally here. We Minnesotans wait for this all year. It's the reason we bear through horribly cold, icy winters. Our seasons are gorgeous. And summer is definitely here. I love being able to wear flowing, cute sundresses with my continuing-to-expand belly. So fun :)

We had a wedding this weekend... more about that in a post this week. Mr. D was basically cornered by a guy we know to see what he would share about our journey getting pregnant. It's a post for another day - something I still need to wrap my head around, but the moral of the story is, once you struggle from infertility, you're a lifelong survivor. It's hard to hear the stories of others struggling through it. But although we've achieved a so-far-healthy-knock-on-wood pregnancy (and, God-willing, a happy, beautiful, healthy child), IF is still there. I'll post more later.

So, for my 31-week update....

Best Moment of the Week: Getting a tour of the hospital and labor & delivery area as part of Baby Class #3. I didn't think that we would really care one way or the other about the tour, but the moment we got up to the 2nd floor where labor & delivery is (called the Family Birth Center), I was in shock. Happy, smiling shock, but still shock that we were actually touring the place where our son will be born. Crazy. The hospital was built 2 years ago, so the amenities are beautiful and obviously very new. Mr. D said it looked like a Vegas lounge area at one of the fancy hotels, and I kind of agree. I am excited that we will be spending time in such a great place with a great staff of nurses and doctors.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: "So, if he were to arrive tomorrow, are you guys all ready?" Hell, no! You'd think that after trying to get pregnant for so long and awaiting this miracle for the time period we have, we would be completely set, just twiddling our thumbs and ready for me to go into labor. And I guess we are - mentally. But we still need a TON of stuff - and there's a few key decisions/to-do items to check of the list before little man arrives. We will be busy in the next few weeks :)

Obsessions: List making and getting ready for my showers :) My sister is throwing me a shower on 6/26, the first of several, and I can't wait!

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: We have a fun wedding coming up on Saturday, and it will be fun to see people we haven't seen since December (I was about 6 weeks pregnant).

Also, Mr. D and I get to take a tour of the hospital tomorrow night during Baby Class #3 - we are both looking forward to getting acquainted with everything :)

What I Miss the Most: Being able to see the tops of my thighs and my crotch. Hey, a girl's gotta shave, right?! It's impossible for me to see "down-there", so I've been strategically using a double sided mirror. It's doing the trick for now :)

Symptoms: Swelling went away for the most part (thanks to a 20 degree shift in temperature). Still having Braxton Hicks, but nothing worrysome. I am peeing more frequently due to the weight of little man on my bladder. Otherwise, I am pretty much symptom-free... I've been sleeping wonderfully (I think I am just really tired) and feeling amazing. I am praying that it lasts till the end!

30 Weeks!

2011-06-07T19:47:00.002-05:00

What a milestone! We're so excited to be here at 30 weeks. The time has absolutely flown. Let me take that back... Weeks 4-12 were SUPER slow, weeks 12-16 were kind of slow, weeks 16-20 started to speed up, weeks 20-24 went pretty quickly, and I've barely remembered the past 6 weeks.

Only 10 weeks or less to go, and we have a TON of stuff to do. Here's my weekly rundown...

Best Moment of the Week: Hitting 30 weeks. It feels like we are running a triathlon, and finally arriving at the last event. From here on out, it's baby prep time... 3 baby showers, buying the last details, getting everything situated at work to take time away.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: "You look so small for 30 weeks!" It's kind of a nice comment in a way, and a hurtful one in another way. On one hand, I know I am not a large, super-pregnant looking lady. I've took really good care of my body, gained maybe 10 pounds, and have a very long torso (my height is 5'7")... so, of course the baby is popping out, but not around my hips. I love how my baby is positioned on me. On the other hand, whenever I hear a comment to this effect, I wonder, "should I be bigger?" My Doctor says no, that I am on the right track and measuring/gaining perfectly. I should be able to lose the baby weight fast. So, I guess I'll take the words of my Doctor instead of random commenters.

Obsessions: Making lists. Mr. D and I have a "Baby Planning" meeting on Saturday morning at the local coffee shop to complete all of the to-do lists. I am pretty organized in nature, but preparing for a baby is kind of on a whole new level. We need to just sit down and dedicate a good hour to listing out everything so we can start executing the list items.

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Starting my Doctor appointments every two weeks for the next few weeks, and then moving to weekly appointments. It means we are getting closer! Also, I seem to have a lot of questions this time around, so I am looking forward to gaining some insight.

Also, Mr. D and I get to take a tour of the hospital tomorrow night during Baby Class #3 - we are both looking forward to getting acquainted with everything :)

What I Miss the Most: It was tough not to drink last weekend... our annual cabin weekend with friends. I ended up being designated driver, which I don't mind, but basically I was around 7 drunk people for the majority of the weekend.

Symptoms: Okay, so I can officially say that I've reached my first major, horrible pregnancy symptom (everything up until this point has been very mild and not a big deal)... SWELLING. We live in Minnesota, and we had a spike in temperature over the weekend from the mid-70s to the 100's. No lie, my car thermometer showed 105 degrees at 5 p.m. today (which means not only was it hotter around noon, but it also FELT way hotter). So, guess what comes with major heat and a pretty decent sunburn from being on the lake this past weekend? Swollen ankles, knees, and legs. Oh, yeah, and it's not pretty. I actually left work yesterday at 2 p.m. because I could no longer walk... my feet were ballooning out of my shoes. I called my Doctor, and I know it's a normal side effect of heat and my uterus getting heavier and pushing fluid down my legs, but HOLY CRAP. Talk about cankes. NOT PRETTY.

29 Weeks!

2011-05-31T18:20:00.002-05:00

I am a couple days late with my weekly update... Mr. D and I were busy bees this weekend! We finished the nursery to the best of our abilities, which feels awesome. We are waiting on bedding, a rug, and our chair, but the walls are painted, furniture is in, and crib assembled. Every milestone reminds me how much closer we are getting to welcoming this little guy to the world, and it's mind-boggling. So much left to do, but we'll get it done.

Here's my 29 week update:

Best Moment of the Week: Starting baby classes. We have so much to learn, and it's nice that Mr. D and I have dedicated time as a couple for the next several weeks to sit down and focus on learning what we need to know.

Oh, and receiving our Pack & Play and some fun gifts from our registry in the mail! We've received a few gifts here and there, but we received a huge package on our front steps last week - gifts from my aunt & uncle. So fun!

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: "Are you sure you don't want to cloth diaper?" Oh, yes. Quite positive, actually. Women who decide to do it are no different than women who decide not to... totally a preferential thing in my opinion. But not only is it quite the process, but it's not a solution to waste in landfills... there are equally as many environmental reasons to NOT cloth diaper as other options. Totally a personal choice, and I don't think anything less (or more) of people who cloth diaper, but I know it's not for me.

Obsessions: Figuring out how the heck to lay at night in bed. It's impossible to get comfortable, but I'm not complaining. It's just awkward. I feel like I've tried everything. Overall, I am a pretty hard sleeper, so I am not really losing sleep by not being positioned comfortably, but it is kind of annoying.

Also, trying to figure out butt vs. head or foot vs. arm when little man moves around.

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Baby Class #2, and taking Friday off work. Mr. D and I are headed to our annual cabin weekend with 3 other couples, and it is always a blast. Last year, I wrote two posts about our cabin weekend - it was interesting for me to reflect back to how I was feeling by reading this post and this post. It will certainly will be different this year being pregnant :) And, the weather is supposed to be AWESOME - sunny, hot, and high 80's.... bring on the sun!

What I Miss the Most: I know I will miss drinking this weekend... it's usually a weekend full of lots of beer and fun drinks. I am already stocked up on non-alcoholic sparking grape juice :)

Symptoms: Uncomfortable sleeping and starting to get slight back-aches in my lower back. Still nothing really to complain about... not sure I would complain anyway. Overall, I love being pregnant :)

Baby Classes

2011-05-26T18:49:00.002-05:00

Mr. D and I started baby classes last night. Two-hour sessions for 6 consecutive Wednesdays.

The Pros? Well, our hospital is BEAUTIFUL. It was built a year-and-a-half ago, and it's gorgeous. Staff is AMAZING, and so is my Doctor. So, that's a plus. Our instructor is super nice, and we are in class with 10 other couples. The classes are intense - learning about everything from signs of labor, labor, delivery, breathing techniques, relaxation, newborn care, post-delivery care for mom, support help... you name it. The session cost $110, and judging from what we learned last night, that is definitely money well-spent.

Cons? Well, I am now completely stunned by the fact that I actually have to give birth. Mr. D keeps asking, "well, didn't you expect that you'd have to go into labor at some point?" Yes, but after seeing all the images I saw last night, visualizing how large my crotch is going to have to stretch, and giving it some thought, I am officially freaked. I know I posted that this is all out of my control, so why worry, right?

I need to get myself back to that spot... not worrying about what I can't control. It's going to hurt. A lot. But somehow, that baby has to come out, and although it won't be pleasant, I prefer it the natural way (with some help from drugs) and am going to fight like hell to make it happen The instructor showed us the "circle of pain" - basically, tension = fear = more pain, and the cycle continues. The key is to lower tension so that your body doesn't get scared and kick into thinking "oh-my-God-please-help-me-this-is-the-worst-pain-in-my-whole-life." Even though that may be true, the key is to keep your body from tensing up and getting scared.

Easier said than done. I have to learn how to talk myself out of getting tense.

I hope baby classes 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 teach me how.

Baby Craze... or, Should I Say, Craziness

2011-05-23T18:21:00.003-05:00

Now, before I start this post, I want to put it out there that I am very excited that we are welcoming our first child, and I am doing everything I can do prepare myself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically for the transition to mommyhood.

But can I be honest? It's not ALL I think about. Sure, I am excited, but there's things I do other than focus 100% of my time and energy getting ready for this little guy. And, while I want to do what's best for my baby (who doesn't?), I am okay with not being uber-prepared and over-the-top with my baby knowledge. I am cool with learning as we go.

The reason I am saying this is because I continue to get advice from moms who have "been there, done that". Everything from baby bottles to carseats, burping techniques to baby lotions. And I never steer clear of the advice - I take it in stride, thank them for their thoughts, and choose whether or not I want to apply any of their recommendations.

But what really kills me is how incredibly stressful it must be for those women to be super-opinionated and informed about EVERYTHING that has to do with having a baby. There are seriously women who I think went a little baby-crazy and are over-informed. Isn't part of the journey learning as you go, and not being over-the-top with knowing EVERYTHING there is to know about having a baby and raising a child? I don't know... maybe I am blowing it out of proportion, but it's starting to have an effect on me.

Like today... I was asked by a co-worker (mother to a 4-month old) if I am planning to breastfeed. My response? I am not really sure yet - I am sure we'll figure it out soon. The look of utter shock and disappointment I received in return was priceless.

Another example... what kind of diapers are we going to use? My answer: probably Pampers... they came recommended by a couple people and it's between that or Huggies. The response: well, did you even research different brands or cloth diapering? My response: Pretty sure cloth diapering is not happening for many different reasons, and no, I haven't researched every brand out there. But I am sure he will be just fine in the diapers we choose.

Don't get me wrong. I know there is a TON to learn, and I am sure looking back in a year, I will know how I could have prepared myself more. But, isn't that what it's all about? Learning along the way, morphing to what your child needs? I am all for preparing for things in life, but I refuse to have baby craziness...

28 Weeks!

2011-05-21T08:21:00.002-05:00

Ahhh... love Saturday mornings :) It's raining outside, but warm - very typical for Midwest, city weather in May - and I am sitting at my computer with a cup of warm oatmeal after Mr. D and I took our dog out for a walk. So peaceful. Mr. D is painting the nursery today. Baby's room will have light blue walls with the chocolate-brown-colored furniture (crib, dresser, another dresser/changing table, and chair). It's all so incredibly surreal.

How is it, that after 28 weeks of pregnancy, I still can't believe I am pregnant? Damn IF... it never, ever goes away. But, I know I am a way more sensitive person after experiencing IF. For example, when women at work start talking about my baby or how I am feeling (which is every day), it still feels weird to talk about it. It's not that I don't want to talk about it, I just get this weird sense of, "Hold your breath, Mrs. D... this could all be a dream." Once an IFer, always an IFer, I guess. Wouldn't want it any other way.

So, as I officially turn the page into my 3rd trimester (which I can not BELIEVE), here is my weekly recap:

Best Moment of the Week: When laying down, realizing that I can tell how he's positioned. Usually he has his butt above my belly button and head pointed down. I never understood how pregnant women could feel their stomach and say, "Oh, here's the head, and here's an arm!" But I get it now. I've formed such a fun bond with our little guy, and I guess I just came to learn how he likes to lay and position himself. I can try to explain it to Mr. D, but unless you feel it, it's hard to grasp. It's a fun bond between my little man and me :)

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: "Are you scared to give birth?" Okay, what kind of question is that?! Here's my answer: not at all. I have always been someone who doesn't worry or think about things that I can't control. Mr. D is different about this - he will sit and talk about "what if's" about anything and everything in life and it drives me CRAZY. With every situation in life, I could come up with at least 100 "if's"... none of which I care to think about, because I can't control the outcome. Labor/delivery is the same thing. Sure, I can learn and prepare my body as much as possible, but at the end of the day, this baby is going to have to come out of me somehow. Stressing out and getting scared about how it's going to happen is not my concern - that's why I have a fabulous OB :) Of course, I am sure it will hurt. But, after trying for over 2 years to welcome this little man to the world, I can do it. I know I can.

Obsessions: Food-wise, berries. Strawberries, blueberries, raspberries... whatever. They all sound great. Non-food-wise, getting the nursery situated.

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Starting baby classes! Mr. D and I signed up for the 6-week series of Wednesday night classes. it was 6 consecutive weekly classes, or an entire weekend. We chose the 6-week series for two reasons. The first is completely selfish: spring/summer weekends in Minnesota are completely priceless. The weather is FINALLY beautiful and hot, and we spend most of them outside, on the lake, and busy with different get-togethers. It would be hard to commit to a whole summer weekend inside at a hospital. The second reason is because we really have NO idea what we are doing, and need as much time as possible to learn about how to prepare ourselves for this little guy to join us. The weekly sessions will ensure we have time to digest the material, come up with questions, and discuss what we've learned with each other. Wednesday is our first session!

What I Miss the Most: Sleeping. It's getting tougher to rotate in the middle of the night and stay on my side. I can't just sit up like I used to, either... I have to force myself up with my arms. It's not horrible, but I do miss the easy days of moving around in bed with ease.

Symptoms: Braxton Hicks contractions, leg cramps at night (NOT fun).

27 Weeks!

2011-05-16T19:57:00.003-05:00

Every milestone amazes me. 27 weeks. So far along, yet still far away. I now know why women need this much time to prepare... if our little guy was to arrive right now, we are NOT ready. There's so much to do! Emotionally and mentally, we are ready, but we still have SO much to purchase, learn, and get situated.... all in due time, I guess :)

Here's my rundown:

Best Moment of the Week: Feeling him move all around! He jumps, spins, flips, kicks, and isn't afraid to move so dramatically that my tummy moves. It's so funny! I could watch my stomach all day :)

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: One that is kind of flattering, I think: "Wow, you have a basketball and don't look like the typical wide pregnant lady!" I've worked hard and exercised enough to know that I need to keep my body in a good place, so that after he's born, I can work quickly to get back to "normal." The only area I've grown is in my stomach (and a little in my boobs, I guess) and I love my round basketball belly :)

Obsessions: Strawberries. Not sure where that one came from, but I am eating a lot of strawberries lately. I don't believe in cravings, persay, but I really enjoy strawberries. Could eat them all day.

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Getting a portion of our bedding in the mail! It's supposed to arrive mid-week, and we are planning on painting the nursery this weekend. His room will be light, sky-blue, but we want to wait to match colors until we have a piece of his bedding. Yay!

What I Miss the Most: Pretty much anything I can't have, including wine, soft cheese, sushi, and deli meat. I also miss not being able to see my toes anymore... makes shaving my legs even that more interesting!

Symptoms: Braxton Hicks, and starting not to sleep wonderfully at night. It is a process to flip over to the other side. I have to wake up, hoist myself up, turn, re-situate my body pillow, and try to get comfortable again. This happens multiple times per night.

24, 25, and now... 26 Weeks!

2011-05-07T08:10:00.004-05:00

I've never gone 3 weeks without posting! I can't believe it. Actually, thinking about it, I guess I can. I think I just got through the craziest, busiest period of my life... with the move, our jobs, family get-togethers, cleaning, getting the new house all situated... it's been crazy. Overwhelming at times, but all good things happening. So, sorry I've been MIA. We didn't have internet for 2 weeks with the move, and I didn't even miss it. I had no time!

Anyway, I have SO much to catch up on... blog girlfriends are in the middle of IVF (Jes, thinking of you, sister!!), became pregnant (yay, Allison!), and are progressing well through their pregnancies (Kay, tasilver... so many of you... congrats!). I will be stopping by to post my comments today and tomorrow.

XOXO to all of you - I haven't forgotten about you and promise to read up on your lives!

As for me, I will post the last 3 weekly updates together; see below:

Best Moment of the Weeks: Too many to count. Literally :) But here are a few: organizing our new house with Mr. D, celebrating my Dad's 60th birthday, getting through a huge presentation at work to several leaders that I think I did really well, hearing plans about baby showers my friends and family are throwing for me, meeting new neighbors, getting the baby furniture into the nursery, reconnecting with my cousin who I hadn't talked to in over a year, belly growing every day. The last one... tummy growing... is incredible. If I do say so myself, I look like one of those cute pregnant ladies I've always dreamed to be. I am following a pregnancy diet so that it's easier for me to shed the baby weight after he is born, and let me tell you... it's paying off. I've gained 7 healthy pounds during my pregnancy, and my Doctor is really impressed. I don't look pregnant anywhere but right where my tummy is... it's a big basketball :)

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Weeks: Oh gosh... nothing really sticks out. I feel like in the past few weeks, though, the resounding question both Mr. D and I have received (together and individually) is: "What are you going to name him?" We have our list down to the top 3, and more realistically, probably top 2. One of those names keeps coming up from both of us as we talk about it... the name just fits. So, I am pretty sure we know what the name will be. But, we won't commit to it until we see him when he's born. And, we're not sharing :)

Obsessions: Palmer's Cocoa Butter Lotion - haven't seen a stretch mark yet, and I am hoping to never, ever see one! Keeping my hands on my tummy to feel him move... he is a jumper, roller, kicker, squirmer, you name it. I just love the movement. Mr. D gets to feel him almost every night, too. I can always count on some good movement about an hour after I eat.

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Things finally calming down a bit and getting things in order. I have my next Doctor appointment on Monday - the one where I drink the nasty substance and they check for gestational diabetes - so, please keep your fingers crossed that everything looks okay!

What I Miss the Most: Hands down, wine. I crave it every single day, but remained strong and still haven't had even a sip since the day we found out I am pregnant. I could also go for some lovely feta or blue cheese on salads. Oh, and tuna sandwiches.

Symptoms: I've started getting slight contractions several times a day... it's SO weird. My stomach tenses up and becomes harder than a rock. My doctor said it's completely normal, and it will frequently happen. The first time it happened, I thought I was going into premature labor (it doesn't hurt, but I can tell my stomach is tightening). My first thought was, "Oh my God, we are losing the baby," but now it's part of every day routine. Must be nature's way of preparing me for the future!

23 Weeks!

2011-04-17T07:57:00.003-05:00

Time just flies when you're having fun. We closed on our house on Friday morning, and we are so in love with our new house. We moved all of our stuff out of our storage units yesterday, and start the deep cleaning process today. Mr. D's sister and brother-in-law, parents and my parents came over to check the place out yesterday afternoon. They were our first official house guests :) We have boxes and furniture piled in the kitchen and garage - waiting to put any furniture on the carpets until the carpet cleaners can do their work on Friday.

It's been a great week for pregnancy (who am I kidding - I have had the easiest, most fun pregnancy... knock on wood that it continues that way!). We hit 23 weeks yesterday, and I am still shocked that I am even pregnant, let alone over 1/2 way there. Each day is a blessing :)

Best Moment of the Week: Closing on our new house that we will raise our family in! We picked up our baby furniture yesterday, so imagining what it will all look like, put together in his room, is pretty surreal.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: "What are you going to name him?" We have a list of about 3 top names, but we are dedicated to not sharing with anyone. This drives my mother insane. But even if we were sharing, we honestly don't know yet. Of the three top names (which have been on our boy list forever), there are two that are rising to the very top. I don't think we'll pick between the two until little man arrives.

Obsessions: Getting the house ready for us to move the rest of our day-to-day belongings (i.e: bed, toothbrushes, food, etc.) next Saturday, 4/23. After that, my obsession will be getting the nursery put together :)

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Continuing to grow, continuing to feel little man move, and getting the house in order.

What I Miss the Most: Wine. My parents, Mr. D's parents, Mr. D, and I went out for dinner last night, and there were glasses of wine ordered. Dang, did the merlot smell GOOD.

Symptoms: Same as last week. In addition, my stomach has started sprouting some lovely HAIR. That's right, HAIR on my belly - next to my belly button and all over. It's light and kinda fuzzy, but REALLY?! I asked my Dr. about it this week, and she laughed. Basically, she told me, it's the hormones, and tons of women experience it. She said it will go away after baby is born. Wow - wasn't expecting that one!

22 Weeks!

2011-04-10T08:12:00.002-05:00

I have been a very bad blogger this week. I will fully admit that I've read the blogs I follow, and totally neglected to comment on posts. I will be going back this evening and commenting. It means so much to me when people take the time to, first of all, read my post, and then submit a comment - that's true dedication and, in my opinion, virtual friendship. I will be back on track by the end of day :)

So, what's been new? Holy cow, outside of hitting the 22 week mark, which I still can't believe I can say I am 22 weeks pregnant... a couple of things:

Job continues to be crazy, but awesome. I love being busy and focusing on really important work. On Friday, a really big corporate announcement came out that impacted our team - basically realigning half of us. I am staying put where I am, but only because my current leaders totally had by back and basically said that I needed to stay aligned to them because I am their back-up at some point. I am very happy, but things are always a bit different when the work scene changes.
We close on our house on Friday. Oh my gosh, did that come fast. Mr. D and I have a crazy timeline of events planned out between Friday, 4/15 and Saturday, 4/23 (we're splitting our U-Haul moves between two weekends because I need the weekdays to get a contractor in for some minor work, painting the nursery and family room, getting a professional carpet cleaner in, etc.). Our rental condo looks like a mess right now... boxes and random remnants of packing strewn all over. It will be a fun, packed couple of weeks!

And, thankfully, our little man continues to grow... here's my weekly update:

Best Moment of the Week: Having two people (that's right, two people!) say something to me to the effect of, "Oh, you're pregnant!" as they point at my stomach. My personal opinion is that it takes some guts to come out and say something to a woman who looks like they are pregnant... you never know, you could be sorely mistaken, and the woman has just put on some weight. This is why I never ask, unless the woman talks about it herself or it comes up in conversation somehow. But two people this week were passing me at separate times in the hallway at work, and came out and said something about me being pregnant. So, I guess I officially LOOK pregnant to others :) Feels really good after going through weeks of looking like I just packed on a few pounds. I definitely am rocking the basketball and I love it :)

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: "Can I touch your stomach?" Now, I know a lot of women really do not like when others touch their growing belly. I do not mind it at all. It brings a smile to my face that they are so interested in my stomach that they feel compelled to rub it. I've received lots of belly rubs, taps, and soft pushes lately.

Obsessions: Paint and bedding for his nursery. The registries are done, for the most part, except that Mr. D and I need to decide what his room is going to look like. Once we close on our house this week, maybe we'll have a better picture once we can spend some time in his future room.

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Growing more, closing on our house, moving all of our stuff from storage units to our new place.

What I Miss the Most: Not too much this week. My guy co-workers did start up a conversation over lunch about their favorite beer, and all of a sudden, beer sounded pretty darn good. Is it horrible that the only thing I've really craved so far is alcohol?! NOTE: I haven't drank any... not even a sip, but still crave it.

Symptoms: Continued stuffy nose, and I can tell that my back is a little tired in the evenings. Also, I've sprouted some beautiful spider veins on the top of my feet next to my pinky toes, and close to my ankles. And my boobs... oh, my boobs. They are HUGE and my center area is getting darker and larger. So weird!

21 Weeks!

2011-04-04T19:28:00.002-05:00

Where did the last week go? Wow... time flies when you're not paying attention. Mr. D and I were out of town this weekend in Duluth, MN. It's a beautiful town on Lake Superior. It was gorgeous up there... we saw a few ships come in/leave the port and slept in a quaint little hotel room overlooking the water. So incredibly peaceful. The weather was awesome - in the 50-60s! - so that was an added bonus.

Back to work today - but the day FLEW. I need to sit back and enjoy each day before I continue to let life pass me by!

Here's my two-day late weekly recap:

Best Moment of the Week: Feeling him kick and move around. It is so completely surreal. Every time he moves, I stop whatever I am doing and must look like a deer in headlights. It's just so crazy to feel actual moves - not flutters. Also, I've been told that I've "popped," which is a nice feeling. I am of usual average, non-pregnant weight, and I would say that up to about 17 weeks, my baby "bump" kinda looked like I was packing on the pounds. I just felt chubby. My middle has definitely popped out (straight out, thankfully, not spread throughout my mid-section), and I love it.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: Nothing really I can think of this week...

Obsessions: Still thinking about the bedding for his nursery. I think I found what I wanted, but still planning to look a bit more. We bought the nursery furniture on Friday, and it arrives within 2 weeks. We close on our new house on April 15, so planning to pick it up on April 16. Once we have the furniture, I think I will be inspired to make a solid decision on bedding.

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Growing more. Getting everything ready to close on our house next week (holy cow, next week!).

What I Miss the Most: Back to wine. I miss my nightly glass with Mr. D.

Symptoms: Stuffy nose. Mr. D says I am breathing really loudly at night... almost snoring, but more so breathing really heavy. I know it's because of my nose. Also, swollen gums. Every time I floss, I bleed, which my Dentist said is totally normal.

Also, please keep us in your prayers... for those of you who have followed our journey, we are temporarily living in a condo until we close on our house. We've been here 7 months, and are locked into paying rent through August, even if we aren't living here. Last week, we heard from the girl who owns our condo, and she's willing to let us out of our lease with a small fee if she can find someone else to rent. When we approached her with the idea of her to rent it out earlier than anticipated, she originally said no (which, by contract, just meant that we pay though the life of our lease). Not sure why she changed her mind, but she's willing to search out another renter. We are so incredibly thankful! She is having someone come through on Wednesday to look at it and hopefully rent it for May. We would be saving $3000! So, fingers crossed that this works out!

Progress on Goals

2011-03-31T19:00:00.005-05:00

I'll preface this post with: I am kind of a by-the-book kind of girl. I am over the top with being accountable for what I sign up for, which is why I think I do a pretty good job at work. I deliver results.

Same with my personal life. I organize, document, and plan everything. It's just how I like to keep our lives managed. Remember my Start, Stop, Continue list? Oh, yes, my friends... it's time for my quarterly check in.

START
- Calling my parents and sister more frequently: In progress. My parents are married, and my sister is 6 years younger than me. I am close with my Dad. Mom and sister? Well, let's just say they are pretty much identical, and are pretty much the opposite of me. I am really trying to connect with them more. Being pregnant has naturally brought us all closer.
- Being more open to sharing our IF struggles with people I know in real life: In progress. I don't think I'll ever be one to shout "I AM A FELLOW IF'er... WHERE MY GIRLS AT?" from the rooftops, but I have made progress in telling people in many different ways that our pregnancy is a miracle and we've waited a long time for this. I share with those who I trust and who would want to know.
- Joining the 21^st century by adopting technology with a data phone, Facebook, etc.: iPhone? Check. Facebook? Twitter? Uh.... still have some work here to do :)

STOP
- Worrying about miscarrying our baby and truly trust that God will take care of us: Done. I truly trust that this pregnancy is out of my hands and God has the ultimate plan for us completely figured out. I believe this with regards to our baby boy, our life, our next step with closing on our house in 2 weeks, etc. It feels good to completely trust.
- Living only for the future, and live life today for what it was meant to be: Still working on this. I think I've made progress in my personal life, but work still continues to be a challenge. It's always busy, always keeping me on my toes, and always making me think of what's next. I need to remember to slow down and enjoy the day for what it is.
- Trying to be a perfectionist at work and realize I am doing a great job: While I am working on this, my bosses have certainly appreciated my attention and dedication to work, resulting in a significant promotion last month and important work to focus on. I guess there's two sides of the coin here.

CONTINUE
- Working with Financial Planner, saving money, and using our money markets to support our dreams: Done. So excited to make our next move in a couple of weeks by purchasing our dream home, months earlier than we thought we would be able to afford it. If anyone doesn't have a financial planner (or at least, a super-strict sense of saving money), I highly recommend it... it's the only thing that got us organized a few years ago and helped us execute our priorities.
- Engaging in my professional work and aspiring for the next level: Done!
- Engaging in our Catholic faith and loving going to Mass and praying: Done, done, and done. But still have so much room to grow in our faith. We are at church at least weekly, if not more, praying and thanking God for the miracles we've been given. We are truly blessed. :)

20 Weeks!

2011-03-27T20:32:00.002-05:00

Wow, I can't believe we are here. The 20-week mark is a pretty significant milestone, and here we are! It's amazing. Time has gone awfully slow at times, and at others, flown by. We have many, many, many more milestones to achieve in order to bring our little guy home safe and sound, but we are pretty stoked to have arrived at 20 weeks.

It's all a countdown... not counting up anymore... from here :) We are so blessed and thank God every day.

Best Moment of the Week: Pushing around on my tummy and feeling him kick back. I can't always get him to move, but usually about an hour after I eat, he's most active. Mr. D felt a very soft tap (which felt like a big tap to me) on the outside of my tummy... can't wait for us both to feel stronger kicks! It's such a neat bonding experience.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: Nothing really I can think of this week...

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Growing more! I definitely look pregnant (I think so, anyway), and have "popped," but would love to rock a bigger tummy :)

What I Miss the Most: Tunafish. For some reason, a tuna sandwich sounds AMAZING. Oh, well.

Symptoms: Stuffy nose, big boobs, and veins appearing on my stomach. It's creepy.

Welcome, ICLW!

2011-03-24T18:34:00.002-05:00

I am behind! I've been so busy that I missed the first few days of ICLW this month. I have some blog catching-up to do tonight.

For those of you who have followed my story along the ups and downs, THANK YOU! I love that you are my girlfriends :)

For those of you who are new to stopping by (and those who have already commented from this round of ICLW), WELCOME! So excited you're here. Check out our story (long version on the right-hand side of my blog), read my posts, and comment... I always write comments back to those who are kind enough to leave me some words :)

Here's our quick, down-and-dirty infertility story:

Been married to Mr. D for over 4.5 years. Tried to conceive for 2 years and were diagnosed with unexplained infertility (and later to find out, a blocked tube was probably also to blame).

Tried everything except IUI and IVF, which were our next planned steps. There were surgeries, tests (blood, urine, semen, cervical, you name it), rounds and rounds of Progesterone, Prometrium, and Clomid. There were ovulation tests, HPTs, and many, many charts. There were OB appointments, RE appointments, specialist appointments, and surgeon appointments. There were many dollars spent, and many tears shed. On our final attempt of TTC before IUI, we found out we are pregnant by the grace and pure miraculous work of God. We are over 19 weeks, expecting a boy, and completely in awe every day with the miracle we've created.

Please continue to follow our adventures... I love the world of blogging, as I have met so many incredibly warm-hearted, wonderful women (and men!) who have become my support system and network.

Hope you'll join us on The Journey to a Little One to Call Our Own...

19 Weeks!

2011-03-20T09:34:00.003-05:00

I missed my weekly update yesterday, so catching up for being one day behind :)

The weather here in MN is FINALLY feeling more and more like spring... most of our snow has melted, and many people (including Mr. D) are now walking around without a coat. Welcome, spring! I've been waiting for you :)

Here's my update at 19 weeks:

Best Moment of the Week: Finding out that we are having a BOY! Best experience ever, especially being a fellow IFer. I know so many people have different opinions about finding out vs. waiting for the surprise at birth, and I respect both sides of the argument. For us, finding out was AMAZING. Not only can we now plan, prepare, and refer to our baby as a "he," but we can now focus the whole birth process (which is bound to be full of surprises in and of itself) on welcoming him to our family.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: "Are you absolutely SURE that's a penis?" You can imagine where, when, and how many times that question was asked.

Obsessions: Starting to think about the bedding for the nursery - I haven't found exactly what I like yet, so I am getting obsessed with finding a set we love.

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Totally non-pregnancy related... Mr. D's bonus. He has a pretty awesome bonus potential with his company, and we are dying to know what his take-home will be. He should find out what his check amount will be this week, and given that his company did really well this year, we are expecting a pretty large check. Keeping fingers crossed.

What I Miss the Most: Still missing old clothes... I am off to a maternity consignment shop today to purchase a few more basics. I only have a few things that fit, and I am sick of wearing my maternity black T-shirt, which I have now worn 4 days in a row.

Symptoms: Stuffy nose, big boobs (with tons of blue veins at the surface).

It's a...

2011-03-18T19:30:00.002-05:00

BOY!

Definitely, no question... a boy :) As we began the ultrasound, the tech said, "Do you want to see if we can determine the sex today?" Of course, we said yes, and she added, "I will look, and then let you know towards the end of the scan what I determine."

But - it was too obvious to wait until the end. She measured everything... heart, brain, bladder, kidneys, limbs, and more. Then she got closer to his little butt and said, "Oh, yes - do you see that?" as she pointed on the screen. Before she could even say it, we knew! It was a boy. The scan lasted a good 45 minutes, and she revisited his private area 3 times to confirm, and each time, she said, "There it is... still a boy!" We have a couple of very obvious pictures of his private area as proof :)

We are having a son. We are shocked - I think Mr. D really thought it was a girl, and I think subconsciously, he convinced me the same. So, when we saw our little man's penis time and time again on the screen, each time we looked at each other in disbelief. We are both so, so, so excited - not only because we will be welcoming a little boy, but because all of his measurements were right on. Heartbeat was at 139 bpm, and he weighs 9 oz. I am measuring right on at 18 weeks, 6 days.

What a cool experience. I will never forget this day... I still can't believe we are pregnant, let alone know that our baby is a boy. I am on cloud nine.

One More Day to Wait...

2011-03-17T17:47:00.003-05:00

I really can't believe tomorrow is March 18... the day of our Level 2 Ultrasound. I scheduled this appointment back in the beginning of January, when my Doctor's office wanted to get all appointments set up through the second trimester. I didn't think I would make it to this point - I didn't even book time off at work or add it to calendars until recently. I expected the worst and never thought we'd see this day.

But, tomorrow it is! We are praying that our kid is healthy and all measurements check out okay. And... we are praying and hoping that our baby's legs are in a great position for the big reveal... boy or girl. I can not wait. :)

Vote on our poll at the top of my blog... what do you think? Boy? Girl?

I'll post tomorrow with results. :)

18 Weeks!

2011-03-12T10:46:00.002-06:00

Ahhh, Saturday :) Who doesn't love a weekend? Mr. D and I had a wedding to attend last night, we attending a 5-year-old's birthday party, and running some errands today. All in all, a relaxing, kick-back sort of weekend. The only updates from the week are within my recap, so without further ado...

Best Moment of the Week: I have a few this week. Entering the 5th month of pregnancy, hearing the heartbeat at our OB appointment on Wednesday, and feeling the baby move. The feelings ares just like how I've heard it described... light little touches, almost flutters. It's amazing. I have felt things stretching all week around in my uterus/stomach area, and started to figure out what some of the feelings were when I left some light movements. Amazing.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: Mr. D: "Wow, you are so pregnant now." My belly has definitely expanded in the past 1-2 weeks.

Obsessions: Is our baby a boy or a girl?! We would be happy with either, but we both can't wait to find out on Friday. Mr. D and I both think girl. But we would love a boy. Or a girl. I just want to know! I am counting the days to the Level 2 Ultrasound. Take our poll at the top of my blog to let us know what your guess is! i am also kind of obsessed with weight gain. Pre-pregnancy, at 5'7", I was of average weight, and have only gained a total of 3 pounds so far. Doctor is not concerned and says it actually sets me up well to gain later in my pregnancy, where as a lot of women who gain up front in the first trimester end up having to watch the gain later on.

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Finding out the gender!

What I Miss the Most: This week, I kind of miss my old clothes. I work a corporate job, and I wear full suits almost every day... or at the very least, dress pants with a trendy/formal blazer. I have so many cute suits and it has been challenging to figure out how to make it work with maternity pants and regular tops. Secret: I wore the same black blazer to work two times this week... I know nobody noticed, but it drove me nuts. I just don't have enough clothing pieces to make up for my suit collection! That will need to change soon.

Symptoms: Still feeling amazing... better than not being pregnant. I think it must be all of the hormones and extra vitamins I am taking, in addition to my increased blood circulation. However, my nose has been incredibly stuffy, and I am not sick. I guess this is referred to as pregnancy nose (all of my books refer to it around this time), and I can not get my nose to clear up.

Doctor Appointment & "Well, it took us a long time to get here..."

2011-03-09T20:47:00.002-06:00

Today was our OB appointment, and everything is looking great! I am definitely growing, and my Doctor could tell. We went through all the basics... weight, blood pressure, questions... and then got to hear the heartbeat! It was in the 140s today, and Mr. D and I just can not wait to find out the gender. I feel like that will help us bond even more with our little one. Next Friday is the big day! Here's hoping that our kid's legs are wide open and ready to show us his/her privates. :)

So, aside from our wonderful appointment, there's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. It happened twice again today, so thought I would write it down in an attempt to get my thoughts out.

Many people who have found out we are expecting (or whom we've told in person) have made an innocent comment along the lines of, "Wow, I was wondering when you guys would get around to having kids!" Now, Mr. D and I have been married almost 5 years, and been together about 7. I can see where people would think, "Geez, you guys sure waited awhile." Their comments are met with complete defense by me. I have often been alone when someone says something like this to me, but other times, they've said it in the presence of Mr. D. He has totally picked up on the fact that it not only makes me super uncomfortable, but he knows what to expect as far as my reaction.

I can never sit back and not confront that comment. Usually, my response is somewhere along the lines of, "Well, actually, it took us a long time to get here" or "It really wasn't easy for us to get pregnant, so I wouldn't say we were just waiting around." Most people? Well, they don't catch on, and the conversation progresses. But at least I feel like I inserted my piece, almost in defense of "waiting such a long time for no reason." For those who actually catch on to what the underlying tone is of what I am saying, I can tell they get it when they pause or raise their eyebrows. I'm not embarrassed. I will just never allow others to think that this was easy for us, or is easy for everyone.

I feel defensive because, no, the waiting-and-trying-and-crying-for-two-years part wasn't planned. And people need to know that there is a process that goes along with TTC. For us, it sucked. It was horrible, and I never, ever want people to think that we just decided to wait all these years and then made a split decision to have a baby and - BOOM - I'm pregnant. It was a journey, and I know things happen for a reason. I am so incredibly thankful, and I love, love, love that everything worked the way it did.

But, it took us a long time to get here.

17 Weeks!

2011-03-05T19:12:00.002-06:00

Wow, what a week. I've been super busy at work, which I love, but I'm exhausted at night. Each week, I start looking forward to the next weekend by Tuesday afternoon at the latest.

Other than work this week, let's see, what else is new? We brought my doggie into the vet today for his annual check-up. I always stock up on heartworm medicine and tick-preventing Frontline oil for the entire year (in hopes that we won't need to go back for anything serious prior to next year's appointment). On top of a couple of shots, his physical check-up, and a few other random charges, our bill was well over $300. Seriously, who knew dogs were this expensive to maintain from a health perspective? I am just lucky that mine is healthy, and for the most part, hasn't required other services.

We stopped at Babies 'R Us, and I think we've decided on the crib and dresser set we want. Yay! As soon as we close on the house - April 15 - it will go on order so that we can have it delivered to our new place. Exciting!

Here's my week run-down:

Best Moment of the Week: Wearing maternity jeans and really looking like I should be wearing them. I've been doing the rubber-binder trick for a few weeks, because it always cracks me up when women who are 6 or 8 or 12 weeks pregnant think that they need pregnancy clothes. Really... not needed. This week, I gave up on stretching my regular jeans with a rubber binder and threw on the new jeans with expandable waist. Wow, did they feel good. And, dang, are they needed.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: Nothing memorable...

Obsessions: Wondering when I will first feel the baby. I definitely have a baby bump now, so wondering when I'll feel those first flutters. And, dying to know boy/girl. Only 2 more weeks until our ultrasound!

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: OB Appointment on Wednesday... I need a heartbeat fix!

What I Miss the Most: Wine. BUT... this week, I bought some Meier's Sparkling Grape Juice and put it in a wine glass. Although it's definitely not the same, it's kind of fun and sparkly tasting. It'll do :)

Symptoms: Tummy is slowly but surely growing...

:) Happy weekend, everyone!
Mrs. D

Don't Even Think About Taking It For Granted

2011-02-27T20:03:00.002-06:00

So many of my blogger buddies have experienced tough times lately... miscarriages, yet another cycle with no BFP, loss, frustration, and heartache.

It puts things into perspective. Nothing is guaranteed, and anyone would be foolish to take for granted the wonderful things they have in life. For me, it's health, family, love, spirit, support, and a growing family, just to name a few.

Never take it for granted, Mrs. D.

16 Weeks!

2011-02-26T14:56:00.002-06:00

Another milestone accomplished! Here we are at 16 weeks, and we are getting more excited by the day. I am glad that we have the upcoming home purchase/big move coming up (April 15 is closing date) so that there are a couple of important things keeping us busy. Of course, Baby D is first priority, and definitely the most important and exciting, but it's nice to have a different kind of exciting distraction.

This week has been pretty fun... got to share the news with random friends/people I know in passing as I saw them. It's exciting to see people's reactions.

And here is the recapped week-at-a-glance:

Best Moment of the Week: Sleeping. I found a really comfortable way to position myself that allows my expanding tummy to rest on my side and not feel smooshed. Best sleep since week 10.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: "I was wondering when you guys would finally get going on baby-making!" I smiled a forced smile. Oh, if you only knew. I was not one of those fortunate fertiles who wakes up one morning and thinks, "Gosh, I should make a baby today. I'll get started right away!"

Obsessions: Wondering when I will be officially showing and not just feeling/looking chunky, and wondering when I'll start to feel those butterfly feelings of the baby. Oh, and wondering about the gender... it feels like an eternity until we find out! Three more weeks :)

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Hoping I expand in my mid-section even more... come on, baby... grow, baby, grow!

What I Miss the Most: Back to wine. I hosted a dinner night last night for my friend who is getting married in two weeks, and they cracked bottles of champagne and wine. Oh, did that flowing wine look tasty.

Symptoms: Nothing new this week!

The Big 1-0-0

2011-02-23T18:18:00.003-06:00

Wow. My 100th post! I never, EVER thought I would post 100 articles to this blog.

Almost a year ago, I turned to my computer in pure frustration and sadness. After TTC for well over a year at that point, I was so confused and needed to see if anyone else out there had similar feelings.

Enter the world of infertility awareness and incredibly supportive women (and men) who share similar perspectives. After learning so much about the process and struggles from reading others' blogs, The Journey to a Little One to Call Our Own was born.

I am addicted to this community. The stories, experiences, emotions, and bonds created in this crazy world of trying-to-bring-home-baby are priceless... and I have you to thank for it.

No way did I ever think it would take us 2 years to conceive, and no way did I ever think I would find such a supportive network of strong-willed people, willing to cheer me on in every possible way.

Thanks for reading my blog.

Thanks for showing me support in my saddest and happiest of times.

Thanks for showing excitement for me as we embark on this amazing journey of pregnancy and parenthood.

Happy 100 to me :)

I Live Here for a Reason, Right??

2011-02-20T17:46:00.002-06:00

Ahhh. Gotta love Midwest weather.

Here in MN, the forecast yesterday called for snow late last night into this morning. We woke up this morning to a dry ground... hmmm. Maybe they were wrong and we weren't getting snow at all? No such luck. Two hours later, sheets and sheets of snow had fallen, and almost 8 hours later, it hasn't let up. I guess we're supposed to get 15-18 inches or so here in the metro area.

When the snow flies this time of year, it gets a bit frustrating. Last week, inches and inches of leftover snow melted, a result of back-to-back 45-50 degree days. You have to understand... when February turns into a "mild day" with the sun shining on a 45 degree day, there are crazy people who come out of winter hibernation. Tank tops, shorts, and flip flops come out of the closet. Not for me, but for the loonies I see running around the neighborhoods, pretending it is June. Then, a temperature drop of 30 degrees brings the snow back and we are in for yet another period of time where all we deal with is messy traffic, parkas, snow scrapers, and boots.

There's always a "teaser period" around the mid-February to mid-March timeframe, when even the finest of us northern Midwesterns, meaning the ones who were born here, raised here, and aren't leaving anytime soon, start thinking, "Wow, winter must be over! I bet we won't be getting any more snow." I think it's the cabin fever that gets to everyone where we all start foolishly thinking that summer is right around the corner.

But, after 12 inches already in about 10 hours, and much, much more on the way... summer won't be here anytime soon. :(

Crazy enough, I love this place. Not only do I love it for the obvious reasons (family, friends, established careers, and lives are all here), but I love it for the weather, too. We truly get the best of every season.

Beautiful, blooming, warm spring times.

Hot, sunny, gorgeous summers.

Breathtaking, colorful, crisp autumn seasons.

Oh, yeah, and snowy, cold, dark winters.

Come on spring, I'm waitin' for ya.

15 Weeks!

2011-02-19T09:32:00.002-06:00

Thanks for all of the nice comments on my last post, ladies! It's so nice to know that, even after being absent for a week or so, this community is always ready to jump right back in where you left off. I love it!

So, here's the Week 15 recap:

Best Moment of the Week: Telling people at work I am expecting. My co-workers couldn't believe I waited 15 weeks to tell them! I am SO glad I did. I was with a smaller group of women yesterday over lunch - people I work with, but not my immediate team - and one had brought her 7-week old in for lunch. As I was holding her, I said, "I get to have one of you in my life in a few months!" The room fell silent, and I kept talking to the baby. "Yes, August 13 is the big day... I wonder if my baby will be a little girl like you, or a little boy?" The shrieking from the women was priceless.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: One of my co-workers said, "You have the perfect tri-fecta of good things happening right now: baby, house, promotion." I couldn't agree more. I did venture out to say, "It's been a long road, trying to have this little one, and we couldn't be more blessed."

Obsessions: Wondering when I am going to be fully "showing." Sure, my belly is growing... Mr. D and I can totally both tell that. But I can't wait for the full on baby belly. I'm at that super-weird point of not-big-enough-to-tell, but looks-like-she-gained-some-pounds.

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Starting my new job on Monday. Finally wearing my first pair of maternity pants to work... it's time to ditch the rubber-binder solution and jump right in.

What I Miss the Most: I kind of miss deli turkey sandwiches. Mr. D makes turkey sandwiches for his lunch, and it looks really good. I am not a fan of warmed-up deli meat, so I guess I'll steer clear. Oh, well.

Symptoms: Boobs are HUGE and nipples are getting WAY darker. It is the craziest thing I've ever seen. I really can not imagine them getting any bigger, but I think I am in for it...

Updates & 14 Weeks!

2011-02-16T18:58:00.003-06:00

Wow, so I haven't posted an update in a week. Feels like an eternity! I knew I missed my weekly pregnancy update that I usually write on Saturday, but there were a few good reasons.

On Friday, I was pulled into a room at work and offered a huge promotion. Bigger title, more money, and an amazing opportunity to work on an up-and-coming strategy that is incredibly important to the company. I kind of knew that I was going to be selected to join this team... no interviews, the VP of our team just selected who she wanted... but I had no idea so many perks would come with it. I happily accepted.

Then, Friday night, Mr. D found a house online that we absolutely fell in love with. Because we've been actively looking, our Realtor had us set up for automatic updates daily with anything new-to-market. This house never popped into our search portal because it was 2 blocks off of the area we had pre-selected to look in. The house listed on Friday, and there was an open house scheduled for Sunday. Instead of scheduling a private showing with our Realtor, we decided to attend the open house. We fell in love with the house all over again once we walked through it. This house is WAY better than the other property we offered on a few weeks ago.

So, Monday, we both took off the morning from work, did a private showing with our Realtor, wrote an offer and submitted it that afternoon.

After a couple of counter-offers on the date of closing, the sellers accepted and the house is now SOLD! We have been crazy-busy getting financial information together for our mortgage lender, inspections set up, appraisals scheduled... it's been a whirlwind. But SUCH a blessing. We are in love with this house and close April 15!

Between all of this excitement, I turned 14 weeks! I am so excited. Everything truly feels to be falling into place. 2011 is the year. We continue to praise God that everything is going so well and we are so incredibly fortunate in so many ways. It's exciting stuff!

Now for the 4-days-overdue pregnancy update:

Best Moment of the Week: Discussing which of the bedrooms in our new house will be the baby's room. And.... actually being pre-occupied with so many other life-events that I haven't focused 100% on being pregnant. It's a relaxing feeling.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: "So, when are you going to tell people at work?" This question is coming from Mr. D, me, and my current boss who knows I am expecting. This promotion came at a really interesting time. I never for a moment thought, "Well, if they know I am pregnant, I won't be considered," but I also didn't need the word to spread all that quickly. I meet with my new boss tomorrow to discuss my transition (effective Monday), and I HAVE to tell her then. I am starting to show a little bump, and the news needs to come to me. It's just funny that I will be telling her, "I am so excited to join your team! By the way, I'm going need some time off in April because I am buying a house and moving, and oh by the way, I'm pregnant, due in August, and won't be at work for 3-4 months." My company is AMAZING and I am not the least bit concerned, but it still feels weird.

Obsessions: Looking at/touching my belly. It's so hard to tell if you're growing when you look at your own body each day. But, it definitely is. Mr. D saw me naked in the bathroom, getting out of the shower yesterday, and he said, "Wow, look at your stomach. It is totally growing." Makes me feel good :)

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: The weekend! I need to relax and sleep in a bit after this action-packed week.

What I Miss the Most: Wine, wine, and more wine.

Symptoms: Nothing new!

Ever Have the Feeling that Something is About to Happen?

2011-02-09T19:00:00.005-06:00

Things could not be much better for us right now. I am not bragging. Trust me, I am not one to toot my own horn of how great my life is. But it finally, after years of this achingly long process, feels like things are falling into place.

House - well on the way to finding our final landing spot.

Our Family - excited about our little one. Everyone's happy and healthy.

Our Friends - ditto.

Mr. D - the cutest dad-to-be I know... he loves, loves, loves the fact that we're expecting.

Job - I am likely getting promoted in the next week as I am named to a newly-formed team for a brand-new corporate initiative.

Baby - growing and right on track.

Ever have the feeling that just too many good things are happening at once and something is bound to fall? I told Mr. D last night, "things just couldn't be much better for us... I hope nothing goes badly," and he shot me a look of don't-even-think-that-way. I know I shouldn't think pessimistically. I just feel so happy, content, and blessed... after all of the IF crap we dealt with in 2010, I am overwhelmingly thankful that everything seems to be at peace. Life is good.

So... for my recap of Monday's Dr. appointment. Dr. C went over our NT results... everything looks normal! We were measuring 2 days ahead of schedule, but she wanted to keep my due date at August 13. We listened to the heartbeat, which was WAY louder and more prominent than last Dr. appointment when we heard it on the Doppler. My uterus has moved up, closer to my belly button, so I had a split second of the oh-no-this-is-it-the-baby-isn't alive-anymore thought when she couldn't find the heartbeat. But when she moved the instrument about an inch up my stomach, there it was. :) It's such a glorious sound :) Heartbeat was in the 140s.

I asked her about my rate of miscarriage. As any good Dr. would say, she can't guarantee that I won't miscarry again. But, she thinks my chances are less than 1%. I shared with her that I think about miscarrying every single day... usually multiple times. And, of course, there is nothing she can do about that. But she tried to reassure me that chances are "extremely likely" that we will have a live child. If we lose the baby, it's not due to something that I do or don't do... it's because of a reason that is totally out of my control. And that's what I continue to pray for... strength to know that God is ultimately in charge of this plan, and we have to move forward with preparing for what is "extremely likely" to happen... welcoming our baby to the world.

Hope everyone's having a good week... I have some blogs to catch up on this evening!

XOXO

Mrs. D

13 Weeks!

2011-02-05T11:00:00.002-06:00

13 weeks, here I am! This past week has flown... with all of the house-hunting, offer on a house, and working from a different location, it was the weekend before I knew the week even really started.

Mr. D and I have a very lazy weekend planned. Last night, we went to our friends' house - a couple who has two little girls. We've known them for years, and it was so fun to finally be able to share our news with them. My girlfriend started crying! I've had that reaction from a few people now... tears. So sweet :)

We also told a few other friends this week, all of whom are so excited for us. We told Mr. D's sister and brother-in-law, as well. It's so fun to unveil the big, exciting secret with those we love!

The rest of the weekend should be pretty uneventful... maybe a movie later this afternoon, and a couple of house showings tomorrow. Our next Doctor appointment is Monday morning... we can't wait!

Best Moment of the Week: Starting to tell our family and friends that we are expecting without thinking/discussing, "should we wait and try to get to 12 weeks first?".

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: "So, I guess this means that you guys won't be buying a house anytime soon, right?" Uhhh.... actually, the opposite. We're moving a few months quicker than expected to purchase again and start preparing a new home for our little one. Two people have asked me a similar question, with the thought being that we should stay in our temporarily-rented condo since babies don't need much room and we'll have plenty of time to move once the baby is here. Thanks for the advice, but our Master Plan of how/when we are going to purchase house #2 is well on the way, so I am 100% confident (and stubborn about the fact) that we will move before baby arrives... no later than end of June.

Obsessions: Touching my lower-belly. It is definitely harder and starting to fill out a little bit :) I can't wait until it's big enough to actually tell that I'm expecting.

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Doctor appointment on Monday morning! We get the results from the NT scan, and I have a ton of questions to go through. Looking forward to hearing the heartbeat again!

What I Miss the Most: Definitely still wine. Also sushi. I love tuna rolls, and we have this AMAZING hibachi place less than a mile from our condo... they also have super-yummy sushi. I am not craving sushi, per say, but I drive by this place at least once a day and think, "oooh, sushi."

Symptoms: Nothing new this week... just plugging along!

Updates from the Week

2011-02-03T17:31:00.003-06:00

So, we didn't get the house. The house was beautiful and very under-priced... exactly what we're looking for, but unfortunately, there were also other parties interested. It was on the market 2 days, and we knew we needed to move fast. Our offer was in by Monday night, and by Tuesday afternoon, there were 3 offers on the table... one of which was ours. We learned that the owners purposely priced low to encourage a bidding war. The selected offer wrote for $10,000 more than we did, covered closing costs ($9-12,000) and would close in March. We would be open closing to ASAP, but ideally want to wait until spring (no snow/ice) to move. So, we lost out. I was really bummed for about 3 hours, but have moved on. We'll find something... the inventory will open up in the spring, and I am confident we will find what we want at a good price.

The week has been good... I've been working at a different location this week, which has made the time fly. Our next Dr. appointment is on Monday morning. It's officially our 2nd OB appointment, and we're looking forward to hearing the results from our NT scan on Monday.... oh, and hearing the heartbeat again. That sound never gets old :)

Hello, Baby D

2011-01-31T21:33:00.002-06:00

Oh my gosh, what a day! Seriously, one of the best in a LONG time. I'm exhausted :)

Started out the day with a huge snowstorm. Not out of sorts for Minnesotans, that's for sure, but we haven't really had a ton of snow in the last month, and people seem to forget how to manage their days with the snow. So, when 3-4 inches dropped before 8 a.m. this morning, it was enough to mess up the roads and delay everything.

Got to work, got some things situated for the week, and took off around noon. Mr. D picked me up, and it was off to grab some lunch before our big appointment.

So - got to the ultrasound about 20 minutes early for my 2:15 appointment. Our Realtor called my phone at about 2:05. He received my e-mail from last night. Basically, Mr. D and I have been house-hunting since we sold our house last September. Of the over 400 that we've seen online (literally, 400), we narrowed down to 4 being our favorites. One of these houses had an open house on Sunday that we stopped by. Fell in love with the house, e-mailed our Realtor, and he was calling to let us know that not only would we need to act fast, but this was indeed the deal we thought it was and we needed to get into the house today if we wanted to place an offer.

Snap back to reality. It's now 2:10. I told our Realtor we'd call him back. Waited another 15 minutes for my appointment. This whole time, Mr. D and I are going back and forth between, "are you as excited as I am to see the baby?!" to "holy crap, are we really going to go look at the house again... what would we do if we like it?"

2:40. Mr. D and I went back to Ultrasound Room #2 and Jenna, our very efficient ultrasound tech, told me to keep my clothes on and lay on the table. I thought for sure that it would be another trans-vaginal ultrasound, but nope! She squirted the gel on my tummy and within a second of placing the wand on my abdomen, there he/she was :)

Mr. D and I gazed up at the TV screen, watching our little baby breathe. The heart was beating, the baby was moving... the baby was alive! A huge weight was lifted from my chest. Our little baby bounced around the screen as Jenna took some measurements. I measured at 12 weeks, 4 days... 2 days ahead of schedule. The heartbeat was 162 bpm. Jenna looked in between his/her legs, but she said she would just be guessing at the gender at this point... so, we'll wait till mid-March to find out for sure. The baby lifted his/her hand to its forehead a couple times... so cute :) Jenna got this super-adorable picture of the baby smiling... seriously, it's like the biggest grin I've ever seen. My heart melted and it's official... I love this baby so much. It's so crazy... one month ago, the baby was barely a gray spot on the screen, and now he/she looks like a baby... arms, legs, tummy, head, lips, nose, eyes, ears... it's amazing. I will try to post scans of my u/s pictures soon :)

So... another post for another time... but, we then ended up going through a private showing and writing an offer on the house that we love. Mr. D and I were in shock from this whole day, and we are waiting to hear back from the owners on whether or not they are going to accept or counter our offer.

I am exhausted and going to bed, but wanted to post quickly. Not that it wasn't already official that I am pregnant, but it is SO real now. Hello there, Baby D, we can't wait for you to join us... we've waited a long time for you, and we love you already :)

12 Weeks!

2011-01-29T15:49:00.003-06:00

Wow - I made it to 12 weeks! Another milestone accomplished, and I couldn't be more happy. We are so blessed.

Mr. D and I promised that we would wait on a couple of things until we met the 12-week mark: weekly belly pictures, telling others about our pregnancy, and looking at/purchasing anything "baby" or maternity. I also decided to wait to track my pregnancy progress until now. I just didn't want to be disappointed if we suffered another loss, and although the wait from 3 weeks to 12 weeks has been incredibly long and agonizing, it's been SO worth it to hold off! :)

We are so excited for our NT ultrasound on Monday afternoon... this weekend just can't go fast enough and I can't wait to see our little bean! After the ultrasound, Mr. D and I are planning to share our news with friends and family... so far, the only people who know are two of my co-workers (including my boss), three friends, our parents, and my sister. I can't wait to share the news with Mr. D's sister and others in our lives who will share our excitement!

Without further ado, here is my first attempt at documenting my pregnancy:

Best Moment of the Week: After mumbling "Good Morning" to Mr. D this morning as I rolled over half-asleep, hearing him say, "Happy 12 weeks, my babies" just about melted my heart.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: "So, how's the baby-making coming along?" This question came from my friend (who knows a lot about our TTC struggles over the years) over lunch yesterday, right before I told her that I am pregnant.

Obsessions: Pickles. But I don't think it's a craving. I love pickles anyway, and I feel like I crave dill pickles all the time, even when not pregnant. I won't share how many baby dills I've had in the last week... :(

Oh, and rubbing my hand over my lower-belly... there's definitely a small baby bulge there, and I love it!

What I am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Ultrasound!! I am so excited to see the baby again, and I am hoping it will help me relax a bit to know that we've seen our baby alive past the 12-week mark.

What I Miss the Most: Wine, hands down. It's not tough to not drink alcohol, per say, but sipping on wine is a daily relaxing activity Mr. D and I always do after work. I've had to alter my routine a bit and not walk directly to the wine glass after work. I've started sipping apple cider out of a wine glass, and that seems to help my craving... I think a piece of it is just holding on to the wine glass and sipping on something.

Symptoms: I've written about all of this before, but from about weeks 4-10, my boobs hurt so bad, I was almost in tears. They are huge now, but not hurt nearly as much. I also was peeing constantly during those same weeks, which seems to have calmed down a bit now (I've read this is normal... as you approach 12 weeks, your uterus moves up your abdomen, and applies less pressure to your bladder). Also during those weeks, I was sleeping a ton... asleep by 7:30, 8:00 each night. I am still a bit tired, but can stay up and not be completely exhausted. I am so thankful that I did not experience nausea... I had a few moments here and there, but never threw up and never had morning sickness. I am blessed!

ICLW Follow Up & Being In Style

2011-01-26T19:10:00.009-06:00

Wow, it's been a good week. A busy week, but a good one.

First of all, there are some AMAZING blogs out there. This is the first month I've fully participated in ICLW and linked up to several new blogs... this depth of this community is just amazing. I can't believe how many of us have struggled with IF, in one way or another, and turned to our computers in an effort to just let it all out. It's inspiring. It doesn't matter if you are a great writer, an okay writer, or a horrible writer of blog posts... we all associate with each other because of the common thread that we've all experienced and will always be a part of us. The support from the community is overwhelming and heartwarming.

Second of all, I was nominated for my very first blog award: The Stylish Blogger Award! Katie awarded me, and I am so honored :) Katie and her husband recently made the wonderful decision to adopt, and she is awaiting her little miracle. Go check out her blog!

Here are rules of award acceptance:

1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you the award

2. Share 7 things about yourself

3. Award 15 other bloggers (I am going to break this rule... I am going to come up with a list of three)

4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award

So, here's 7 random things about me (I'll try to make them interesting and something you wouldn't know about me):

1. I love cheerleading and dance - I coached high school varsity comp teams for 5 years.

2. I have never loved watching football, but have started watching NFL games this year... I think I like it now!

3. I love pens... if I go to a restaurant or store and like the pen I am given to sign a receipt, I will "borrow" it and leave them one of my old ones from my purse.

4. I only like tissue boxes that have cool patterns on them.

5. I am addicted to Burt's Bees lip balm.

6. I really like trail mix as an afternoon snack.

7. I love being woken up every morning before work by Mr. D. and not an alarm clock.

I am awarding The Stylish Blogger Award to:

1. All I Ever Wished For

2. My Dusty Uterus

3. Pinkadots

On a sad note, our friend AP over at My Dusty Uterus lost a very good friend this week. Please stop over to her blog and offer your support.

Only 5 days until our next ultrasound, and I can not wait. I keep praying Baby D is doing well!

XOXO
Mrs. D

Happy ICLW & 11 Weeks!

2011-01-22T08:44:00.002-06:00

Happy ICLW! If you're new to my site - welcome! So glad you found my blog. If you've been here before, welcome back, my friend! If you're interested in our whole, long TTC story, check out our timeline on the right-hand side. Here's a quick overview:

Been actively TTC for two years. Miscarried once. Been through months and months of HPTs, rounds of prometrium, Clomid, vitamins, herbs, progesterone, etc. I've had an HSG and lapraoscopy surgery. Mr. D (my wonderful husband) is not the problem - it was all me and my blocked tube... maybe tubes... never really did learn the whole story because my RE wasn't really sure post-surgery. Mr. D and I were shocked and over-the-moon to find out we are pregnant on 12/2/10, right before starting our RE's recommended procedures. God is good!

Speaking of being pregnant, I am 11 weeks today. CRAZY. The timeframe between when we found out we were pregnant and now seriously feels like a year... WAY worse than the infamous 2WW. I think it's because we have only told a few people that we are expecting... given my previous miscarriage and emotional aftermath of dealing with the age-old questions we IFers love ("why isn't this working???" and "what's wrong with me/us?"), we vowed to keep this as secret as possible. I think about miscarriage all the time, although I have to admit that as I get closer to passing the 1st trimester, those thoughts are thankfully becoming less and less frequent. I think I was scared to get too close to this pregnancy in fear that I would end up being an emotional mess again. But as my pregnancy symptoms ramped up (extreme tiredness, amazingly-aching boobs, constant peeing) and my tummy has started to fill out a bit, I've realized that we've wanted nothing else but this baby for a LONG time and he/she deserves all of the attention in the world.

So, hello, Week 11! We've made it another week and I can't believe it. My tummy is definitely filled out - nobody else can tell, but Mr. D and I both can see the mini-raised-bump. It's amazing. I think pregnancy pants will be needed in a few weeks.

This week, I really turned the corner with regards to symptoms. I can now stay awake past 8:30 p.m. (for the past 6-7 weeks, I've literally been sleeping by 7:30 p.m.), only get up to pee 1-2 times per night (as compared to 3-5 times), and although my boobs have grown a whole size already, the don't ache nearly as much. So, here's to hoping I am turning the corner as I round out the first trimester!

Next Dr. Appointment is January 31 for our NT scan and we can't wait to see the little bean again :)

Have a great week, everyone... and happy ICLW commenting!

I Joined the Cool Kids Club Today

2011-01-19T20:57:00.005-06:00

Mr. D and I bought iPhone 4's. I think we now qualify for the Cool Kids Club.

This is really quite interesting for many reasons.

1. We are both completely technologically-delayed. This is actually quite surprising. We both work for Fortune 50 companies, where being up-and-with-it is important. Not just for the "cool factor," but because our jobs require it. We are constantly interacting with clients and supporting initiatives that are up-and-coming, including many that have to do with future technological enhancements.

2. We are not social-networkers. Since the beginning, I've avoided Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, etc. This avoidance definitely stems from my job - I work in HR, and the last thing I need is for one of my clients to find out about my personal life somehow. I know, I know... there are ways to make everything private. But, really - there are ways around all of it. We don't know anything about iTunes, Kindles, or Nook Colors, and I am not sure we ever will.

3. We're kind of tight-wads. As I've shared, we are saving like MAD. First and most importantly - hello! - we are having a baby and already, we are saving for our pregnancy, my maternity leave, and the baby's college education. Second - we sold our house last year and are buying another one this spring. So, there's some upcoming costs involved that require saving.

But, all of these things were placed aside when Mr. D came home with a $500 perk from his work for years of service with his company. There were tons of things we could have bought, but we decided to go big or go home. That's kind of our style... if we're going to make a decision, we're going all in.

So, iPhones, here we are. This, coming from the girl who has owned a flip-Nokia phone her whole life with no internet connection and limited texting capability.

But, life will be easier with our incredibly-fancy phones. No longer will I need to cringe every time I get a text message because it takes so long to respond. No longer will I need to make sure I print out Mapquest directions prior to driving somewhere... now I can look it up on my phone!

I am kind of scared of my new treasure... it's so pretty that I barely want to touch it. We had protective covers installed tonight, and were told not to put a case on each phone for 24 hours. So, now, Mr. D and I are longingly-gazing at our beautiful prizes sitting on our kitchen table. My phone seems to be calling to me: "Welcome to the 21st century, Mrs. D. You have arrived."

This is also a "check" off my Start, Stop, Continue list from the beginning of January... whoo-hoo!

10 Weeks!

2011-01-15T11:22:00.002-06:00

Double digits! Yet another milestone accomplished, and it is still so surreal, yet incredibly exciting. We've got a long way to go and many more milestones to reach, but we are so excited for where we are at. We've prayed and wanted this for so long.

I went to the Dr. this week, and they quoted my due date as 8/13/11, which means I am 10 weeks today. I was originally counting based on my last ultrasound in December, but once the Dr. re-measured the embryo size, it put me a day ahead. I'll gladly take another day!

The embryo graduates to a fetus this week, and it's so neat to read about the development of the baby at this stage. The whole process is such a miracle. We are so blessed. :)

Two weeks and one day until our 12-week NT scan, and time can't go fast enough! I can't wait to see our little bean again.

Anybody Else Want a Crystal Ball?

2011-01-14T19:19:00.002-06:00

I wish I could see into the future. Wouldn't that solve a lot of worry? Think about it. If you could see one year into the future to see what your life would be like, would you? I would - no question. I am a planner and I want to know how I can best prepare every aspect of my life to the circumstances I have.

If I would have had a crystal ball two years ago when we first tried to conceive, boy, would things have been managed differently. I would never had let a year pass by with no medical help, and I would have taken more vacations without the mind-set of, "well, I might be pregnant, so let's think about that....". And I wouldn't have stressed every damn month over cycles, pee sticks, timed sex, you name it.

I know things happen for a reason and I trust that everything that is meant to be will happen and is ultimately out of my hands. I trust that my baby is safe and healthy, but it would sure be nice to know if everything is okay next August when I am scheduled to have this baby.

This is why I would like a crystal ball.