Thankfulness

I feel like I have been absent from my blog for awhile, and I promise to be a better blogger next month. Time is zooming by... Max is getting so big, I went back to work (more on that in another post), and every day is a detailed plan of how things need to get executed to keep everything moving in our household.

It would feel like a miss to me if I didn't post today... Thanksgiving. Mr. D is upstairs feeding Max, I am still in my pajamas, and have a few Thanksgiving dishes yet to make, so I'll make it quick...

THANKS can't really sum up the true, heartfelt gratitude I have for everything in my life. Our marriage, our lives, our careers, our new house, our health, our spirits, our families, our friends... my cup is overflowing with joy and I have so, so much to give thanks for this year.

Oh, and that little boy named Max? You better believe we are giving thanks for him this year. He is an absolute blessing, and for the journey, the sacrifices, the heartache, my pregnancy, and eventually... our healthy, happy, beautiful son, we are forever thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my blogging friends... I am also so thankful for YOU. I never thought I could grow close to a group of women who I don't even know, but you all are my soul sisters. I keep thinking, "maybe some day I'll get to travel to Florida/Kentucky/Nebraska (insert your state here) and get to meet ____!"

Blessings to you and your families!

XOXO
Mrs. D

Ready to Share

It's no surprise to anyone following my blog that I seem to be "vague."

I go by the alias of "Mrs. D," my husband is "Mr. D," and I've never posted pictures of our family.

I'm not 100% sure why, to be honest. Without giving it a lot of thought, I started this blog while I was in my secretive place of TTC... not telling anyone, really, in real life, what we were struggling with.

And, somehow, over time, that changed. I wanted to be able to share, but for some reason, it felt weird to do so on this blog. I went on for so long without posting private details about our life that it all of a sudden felt even more awkward to post pictures, names, and details about our lives. So I chose to stay private.

This blog will continue... it has become part of me. But I think I will continue to keep it semi-private, kind of how our TTC struggles have been. I am still part of the community, especially as we start thinking about TTC #2 within the next few months, and I feel a sense of wanting to honor the way in which I started this blog... as a place to share but not have to "answer" to anyone who might know me. I know this all might sound weird, but for someone who knows me in real life, I think you'll not only understand, but also totally get where I am coming from.

So - the reason for my post: if you are interested in learning more about me and our family (totally non-IF related), please leave me a comment and I'll send you my new blog address. NOTE: It's not a replacement blog, just my second one.

Hope everyone is having a good week... winter is officially on its way here in MN!

XOXO
Mrs. D

Dear Life, Please Slow Down

It's going by too fast. By that, I mean everything... Max continues to grow before our eyes (how can he be 11 weeks already?!), my maternity leave is slowly coming to an end, summer is officially over here in MN, and the holidays are right around the corner.

I get a little anxious when I get caught up in time, the lack there of, and how it seems to fly by sometimes.

However fast time may be flying around here, life is good. No, life is great. I am starting to get a bit anxious over my transition back to work, which is scheduled to happen on November 15. I was promoted to a bigger leadership role while I was on maternity leave, and I am thrilled to be going back to a bigger, even more exciting job with a team to lead. Max will be starting daycare on December 5. Between November 15 and December 5, Mr. D has a week of paternity leave, I will be off a few days, and our mothers are watching him a couple days. I am so happy that I will have a couple of weeks back at work to transition back in before Max goes to daycare. I think going back and starting him in daycare all at once would be too much for me. Not only am I excited to get back to work because I love my company and job, but I am excited for Max. He needs interaction with other kids in an environment that I can't provide him. I know it will be so good for him to be with other kids, watch them play, and be stimulated by others. Of course, it breaks my heart that I have to leave him, but I am praying that the transition works for our family.

I can not believe it is almost the holidays. I was at Ann Taylor Loft on Monday, picking up a few items to freshen up my work wardrobe (it's been awhile since I wore non-maternity clothes!), and "All I Want for Christmas is You" was playing. Holy crap... I am NOT ready for jingle bell tunes yet.

I hope everyone who reads my blog is well. I seem to have lost a few followers over the past few months, and I truly thank those still staying connected to my blog. It's nice to have blog buddies :) I think about everyone and their unique journeys often!

All Clear

I had my post-delivery check up with my OB.

All good. My C-section incision looks good, my weight is 8 pounds lighter than pre-pregnancy, I am in good spirits, and my uterus is back down to its pre-pregnancy size. I can exercise (even though I was way ahead of the game - without the Dr.'s okay... oops - and already back to running), get massages, have sex, and do whatever. The only caution my OB gave me is to take it easy on sit-ups, given my incision needing more time to heal internally. No problem... who likes sit-ups, anyway?!

She then asked me what kind of birth control she could prescribe. It felt SO WEIRD for her to ask me that, after the years and years of medicine I took and discussions about how to make pregnancy happen, not prevent it.

I chose none. If I get pregnant again now, great. We aren't exactly trying (meaning, not tracking or anything... I haven't even gotten my period yet), but if it happens, it happens. We are totally cool with that. We will officially start trying again next spring/summer. It would be awesome if, by Max's first birthday, I am pregnant again. Given how long it took us to get pregnant the first time, who's to say that the second time won't be equally, if not even more, hard? Plus, if we start next summer and it takes us another couple years... well, at least we were actively trying and not sitting back waiting. I've always wanted two kids, close together in age. I have a younger sister, and there are 6 years between us. We never were close, because we were raised almost like only children. She was still in elementary school when I started high school. We have never been close because of our distance in age. So, I've always known I want kids close together... 1 or 2 years, if possible. But given that I now know that infertility was - and is - a part of our lives, we will start trying sooner than later, knowing that it's certainly not a sure thing.

Otherwise, life is good. Max grows more and more everyday, as does our love for him. He turned two months this week... crazy. We are bringing him to the pumpkin patch on Saturday - Mr. D's birthday - I'll post pics afterwards :)

Hope everyone's week is going well! Enjoy this beautiful autumn day.

XOXO

Mrs. D

Once an IFer, Always an IFer

I've said it before, and will say it again: once an IFer, always an IFer. Even if a woman's (or man's) dreams of conceiving, carrying, and delivering a live baby come true, IF just never leaves your soul once you've experienced it... whatever your journey may be. You don't "graduate" to non-IF status, in my opinion. You're part of the lifelong club. Personally, I am okay with - and even grateful for - that. IF has made me humble, more sensitive, more thankful, and more supportive.

Today, Max and I went to the Pool & Spa store. We have a hot tub, and have been to this store multiple times over the summer to purchase hot tub chemicals. The store manager is super nice and has been extremely helpful. We always ask for her when we go in.

So, I walk in with Max, and there she is at the front counter. I was so happy to see her (instead of looking like a stalker and asking only for her to help me). She, however... not sure if she was happy to see me. She said, "Oh, hi - it looks like you have a baby now and not a baby bump." It wasn't a rude tone, but one that sounded... different. Hollow. Painful. Sad.

I would put my paycheck on the fact that she's an IFer. I could tell how she was looking at Max and how I could feel her heart hurt. She said all of the things someone should ask if they know you, but not really... I love his name, he's beautiful, life must be different but in a good way, etc.

But I could tell. It was painful, fake conversation. In one way, I wanted nothing else but to get the hell out of that store. But I stayed... and I answered all of her questions and thanked her for her sweet comments about my little boy. Our voices were really low, and it took all I have not to say something lame, like, "You know, it took a long time for us to welcome this little guy." But I let it be. Because I know that if the roles were reversed (which, trust me, I've been in similar situations time and time again), I wouldn't want anyone to say anything to make me look emotional on the outside when I was breaking inside.

If anyone is reading this who is in the trenches of IF, please know that my opinion is that we all never really leave IF Land. Once a baby comes along, it's not like you're "cured" or get to "graduate." We all belong to an amazing community where support is a necessity, no matter what stage you're in. It makes me happy to know that we all belong in one way or another.

Leaving Town

I've been a bad blogger and bad blog friend... I've been checking in on blogs but not commenting this week. It's been a busy one for us! I promise to get back in the swing of commenting and posting updates next week. Overall, everything is going awesome. Max is doing really well and continues to get cuter and more fun every day.

We're off to Brainerd, MN - a sweet, quaint resort town where my parents rented a cabin for the week. Mr. D, Max, and I are heading out this afternoon and will be back on Sunday... it will be Max's first time sleeping somewhere other than our house!

The weather here in MN is GORGEOUS... below are a couple of pictures of my front yard view. We have a ton of trees in our yard and neighborhood, and it's so beautiful this time of year to watch the seasons change. If you ever have the chance to visit MN, please do... it truly is such a beautiful place. And, of course, let me know if and when you travel to MN :)

My parents' cabin is on a large lake, and although it may be a bit chilly, I am going to attempt waterskiing (first time since last summer). Sometimes at this point in the season, the air is a bit chilly but the lake water is still warm from the summer... we'll see :) It's been about 80 degrees this week here in the city, but it's likely at least 10 degrees cooler up north in Brainerd.

Have a great weekend and I promise to be in touch next week!

XOXO

Mrs. D

Trees in the front yard going up our driveway:

View of the pond across the street:

Max, chillin' in his diaper on our bed:

Single Parenting

During the week, from the hours of 8 a.m. to 6 p.m., I am alone with my little man. At some point in the evening, Mr. D gets home from work and we help one another... with Max, with getting dinner ready, dishes washed, laundry done, etc. We also went into this whole parenthood experience supporting each other and wanting our son more than anything... knowing that this would be a two-person effort.

Mr. D is away for the afternoon, evening, and night at a bachelor party for his good friend, leaving me alone until tomorrow morning. This is the first time I will be alone with Little Man over night, and I am a bit nervous. And then I realized... there are parents who parent alone 24/7. Wow. I don't know how they do it.

Today, I am giving a shout-out to all of the moms and dads who parent alone. Whether by choice or not, I have a whole new respect and appreciation for those who raise children by themselves.