Untitled, Because I Don't Know What To Title It

I'm not really sure what this post is about, to be honest. I just need to get some things out of my head, so I am going to start typing and hope that I have the courage to not go back and edit/erase things because my thoughts may not be nicely put together.

I've had a couple glasses of wine tonight, so maybe that's why I feel compelled to get this all out of my head.

I've realized that my IF struggles were NOTHING in comparison to others'. I never experienced hardcore IF. Although Mr. D and I both were emotional about the fact that it took us so long to conceive a baby - way outside the "plan" of what was "supposed" to happen in our opinions - we only scratched the surface of what it's like to truly deal with IF issues.

I've been surfing around on a few sites this evening and come to the realization that, damn, we are so blessed. Lucky. Fortunate. Whatever you want to call it. So many people have been through the trenches - way more than we ever even discussed before we conceived, let alone experienced along our journey.

I wonder what it would be like for us if we were still on the quest to achieve parenthood. Would I resent my husband (Lord, I hope not... he's the best thing that ever happened to me)? Would he resent me? Would we go to counseling? Would we live child-free? Would we adopt? Would we take the next recommended steps outlined by our RE?

Who knows. All I know is I am truly blessed. I have an amazing son to show for the IF we went through, and we love him to pieces.

And now we are on the journey to think about #2.

And that starts the tapes over from the beginning. There's no pause button in IF. You can't pick up where you left off. You either pause, stop, and start over from the beginning, or, if you are fortunate like us, you get to play the whole tape from the beginning, see it to the end, and decide if you want to watch it again. However, there's no guarantee that it won't stop mid-way again and start over from the beginning.

I know, I know... far fetched, but go with me here.

I've always imagined having two children. And I desperately want another. I know after going through IF how lucky I am to have a child in the first place. If God wants to only bless me with one, then I am completely content.

If that keeps my family, life, and marriage in tact... then I happy with whatever life hands me.