Today I Think of You

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day - October 15.  

Although I've been absolutely blessed with my beautiful son and our new baby boy growing in my belly, I would be completely remiss if I didn't honor my first little baby today - the one we lost too soon.

Things happen for a reason.  Whether you believe that reason is based on belief, faith, or just plain luck (or lack there of), I happen to personally believe that God has a plan.  

When we lost our first little baby, I swore I would never, ever understand why.  I couldn't comprehend why the loss happened.  Looking back, I still can't quite answer why... I never will be able to.  However, I know that my life is full because of my little Maxwell.  He was part of God's plan for us.  And we've been given the gift of a second child, one we wanted so badly to complete our family.  If we wouldn't have lost our first baby, maybe we would have never got Max or his new little brother... and that thought scares me to death.

Today I remember my first pregnancy we achieved after years of trying to conceive - I remember the feelings I felt when I saw those positive HPTs, the excitement Mr. D and I felt when we first hugged each other, knowing that our dream of becoming parents was finally coming true.  Those wonderful memories were taken from us far too soon with a miscarriage and the upcoming, horrible struggle of trying, trying, and trying again.

Today I think of you, my little baby.

To all those who also lost babies too soon, I am thinking of you this evening and honoring your little angels.