I Joined the Cool Kids Club Today

Mr. D and I bought iPhone 4's. I think we now qualify for the Cool Kids Club.

This is really quite interesting for many reasons.

1. We are both completely technologically-delayed. This is actually quite surprising. We both work for Fortune 50 companies, where being up-and-with-it is important. Not just for the "cool factor," but because our jobs require it. We are constantly interacting with clients and supporting initiatives that are up-and-coming, including many that have to do with future technological enhancements.

2. We are not social-networkers. Since the beginning, I've avoided Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, etc. This avoidance definitely stems from my job - I work in HR, and the last thing I need is for one of my clients to find out about my personal life somehow. I know, I know... there are ways to make everything private. But, really - there are ways around all of it. We don't know anything about iTunes, Kindles, or Nook Colors, and I am not sure we ever will.

3. We're kind of tight-wads. As I've shared, we are saving like MAD. First and most importantly - hello! - we are having a baby and already, we are saving for our pregnancy, my maternity leave, and the baby's college education. Second - we sold our house last year and are buying another one this spring. So, there's some upcoming costs involved that require saving.

But, all of these things were placed aside when Mr. D came home with a $500 perk from his work for years of service with his company. There were tons of things we could have bought, but we decided to go big or go home. That's kind of our style... if we're going to make a decision, we're going all in.

So, iPhones, here we are. This, coming from the girl who has owned a flip-Nokia phone her whole life with no internet connection and limited texting capability.

But, life will be easier with our incredibly-fancy phones. No longer will I need to cringe every time I get a text message because it takes so long to respond. No longer will I need to make sure I print out Mapquest directions prior to driving somewhere... now I can look it up on my phone!

I am kind of scared of my new treasure... it's so pretty that I barely want to touch it. We had protective covers installed tonight, and were told not to put a case on each phone for 24 hours. So, now, Mr. D and I are longingly-gazing at our beautiful prizes sitting on our kitchen table. My phone seems to be calling to me: "Welcome to the 21st century, Mrs. D. You have arrived."

This is also a "check" off my Start, Stop, Continue list from the beginning of January... whoo-hoo!

10 Weeks!

Double digits! Yet another milestone accomplished, and it is still so surreal, yet incredibly exciting. We've got a long way to go and many more milestones to reach, but we are so excited for where we are at. We've prayed and wanted this for so long.

I went to the Dr. this week, and they quoted my due date as 8/13/11, which means I am 10 weeks today. I was originally counting based on my last ultrasound in December, but once the Dr. re-measured the embryo size, it put me a day ahead. I'll gladly take another day!

The embryo graduates to a fetus this week, and it's so neat to read about the development of the baby at this stage. The whole process is such a miracle. We are so blessed. :)

Two weeks and one day until our 12-week NT scan, and time can't go fast enough! I can't wait to see our little bean again.

Anybody Else Want a Crystal Ball?

I wish I could see into the future. Wouldn't that solve a lot of worry? Think about it. If you could see one year into the future to see what your life would be like, would you? I would - no question. I am a planner and I want to know how I can best prepare every aspect of my life to the circumstances I have.

If I would have had a crystal ball two years ago when we first tried to conceive, boy, would things have been managed differently. I would never had let a year pass by with no medical help, and I would have taken more vacations without the mind-set of, "well, I might be pregnant, so let's think about that....". And I wouldn't have stressed every damn month over cycles, pee sticks, timed sex, you name it.

I know things happen for a reason and I trust that everything that is meant to be will happen and is ultimately out of my hands. I trust that my baby is safe and healthy, but it would sure be nice to know if everything is okay next August when I am scheduled to have this baby.

This is why I would like a crystal ball.

First "Official" Appointment

Mr. D and I had our first OB appointment today. Holy cow, did we get a lot of information! We talked with the Doctor for awhile about our questions, and she gave us an overview of the process over the next 7-8 months. I had a breast exam, pelvic exam, and pap smear. Mr. D was sitting towards the side of the room, so he didn't see everything straight-on, but after we left, he goes, "Holy shit, there was like, a huge MACHINE inside of you!" He was referring to the clamps. Yup, it's all a part of being a lady.

Then, we got to hear the heartbeat for the second time. It is so amazing to hear our little bean's heart, steadily drumming away! Dr. found it right away, and it was really strong. She told me that now that we've confirmed heartbeat after 9 weeks, there's less than 3% chance of miscarriage.... or, the way I look at it, 97% chance of bringing home baby. I am still cautious, but feel WAY better after hearing that today. Every day, our little bean's chances get better!

Then, it was off to the lab for 4 draws of blood, a flu shot, and a urine sample. I was exhausted as we left the clinic about 90 minutes after we arrived. Definitely a successful visit, and we left with all of our appointments booked through April.

Estimated Due Date: August 13, 2011!

I haven't stopped smiling all day.

9 Weeks!

I am 9 weeks today! Crazy. On one hand, it feels like I just got the BFP on my HPTs, but then I remember the several days of waiting in between betas, ultrasounds with days to spare in between, and figuring out how to hide the fact that I'm not drinking at holiday parties, and it feels like it's been an eternity.

Three weeks to go until second trimester, and I can not wait. I hope that everything goes well from now until then and we can reach our NT appointment in early February with no concerns. Please stay healthy and safe, little bean!

We have our first official Dr. appointment on Tuesday. Since I had so many check-ins in the very early weeks, the Dr. wanted to wait until 9 weeks to see me. I am hoping that we can check-in on the heartbeat... I am just praying that everything is progressing as it should.

Symptoms so far: aching boobs, extreme tiredness, extreme hunger, excessive peeing.

My boobs have hurt since the day before I got my BFP, got much worse, and now are calming down a bit. They are enormous, and I've already grown a whole size! I am a 34/36 D usually... not sure they can grow much bigger without having to bump up to an F. HOLY CRAP.

I am in bed, asleep, usually by 8:30 or 9:00 every night. I am just exhausted and can fall asleep anywhere, anytime. Last night, Mr. D and I stayed up to watch a couple movies, and I really pushed myself... made it to about 9:45 before passing out on the couch. I think that's a record for how late I've stayed up in the past month.

I am constantly hungry and have really started to take the "eat smaller meals, more frequently" tip to heart. This has been especially interesting at work. I am in-and-out of meetings all day long, and finding 5 minutes to stop by my office and grab a granola bar or handful of trail mix from my snack-stash can be tricky. I feel like I am never really full, and am always a little hungry.

What is up with the peeing? I have NEVER been one to have to get up in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom. However, this has now turned into a nightly routine. And I don't just pee a little... I pee a LOT. And, a few nights, I've had a couple trips to the bathroom... last night, I got up to pee 3 times. Seriously, how much pee can a girl make during the sleeping hours?

I've had a couple moments of nausea here-and-there, but never gotten sick. I feel pretty blessed... you hear horror stories of women being draped over the toilet day-in-day-out and feeling like crap. I feel really good and am so glad I haven't been ill!

My stomach is definitely growing... nobody would be able to tell but us. Mr. D and I can both tell that the space between my belly button and lady-area is expanding. I can't believe it's real!

I'll post after our Tuesday appointment. Hope everyone is well!

XOXO
Mrs. D

One Year Ago Today...

... we got our first BFP.

January 3, 2010. I'll never forget that morning. It was a Sunday, and Mr. D and I were out late the night before. I secretly snuck out of bed early while Mr. D was sleeping to pee on a stick... I just had a feeling I was pregnant. And I was. I woke Mr. D up in bed by shoving the HPT in front of his face, saying, "Look at THIS!" We ran to Walgreens and bought more tests. I think I peed on 6 or 7 tests that morning. All positive. At this point, I was not nearly as savvy as I am now... one test would have been sufficient, but I needed to prove that it was real by peeing on several sticks. Seriously, my bathroom was plastered with used HPTs in order to firm up the fact that I was pregnant. Oh, I was naive.

Several days later, I told Mr. D. "I think I should take the last HPTs to see if the lines are darker." I think I had two left. One of the tests did not show a second line. No problem, I thought... I'll just take the digital. Not pregnant. WTF. We went to Walgreens again and bought more tests... all negative. And that started the horrible process of learning that I was no longer pregnant, would lose the baby, and miscarrying in a hotel room in Mexico on a pre-planned holiday trip with my parents. It SUCKED. It also started my curiosity and research into why this happened, and infertility in general.

One year later, here I am, pregnant. I am ultra-sensitive to losing another baby, but this time it feels real. And it is real. I need to constantly remind myself that I AM pregnant and I DO need to think about our future as parents.

I wish IF never messed with my life in the first place.

On the flip side, I believe that things happen for a reason. I am stronger because of IF. If I would have carried that baby, I would already be a mom of a 4-month baby. Would life be different? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Mr. D and I never would have been able to be financially risky-but-smart this summer when we took a temporary loss on selling our house. We would still be in a community we did not love, in a house we did not love, not around family or friends. I would not have found this wonderful, supportive blogging community. I could go on-and-on... there are a million things that would or wouldn't have happened, or events we would have experienced differently if we had carried that baby to term. And if I wasn't pregnant now, I would be sad about today. Depressed. Questioning why.

But because we are expecting and preparing to bring a child into this world, I am not depressed. I am sad about how I felt and sad that I lost a baby.

But, I am excited about our future.

Things happen for a reason.

Welcome, 2011!

2010 Year in Review:

January: Got pregnant! Almost as soon as I got the BFP, we learned we would be losing our baby. Miscarried. Devastated.
February: Sad, confused, and AF never showed up.
March: Doctor prescribed Prometrium, Clomid, and an action plan of next steps. Officially diagnosed with unexplained IF (knew that was coming). Took Prometrium, Clomid: BFN.
April: Clomid: BFN. Started blogging.
May: Mrs. D takes promotion at work. Higher dose of Clomid: BFN.
June: Even higher dose of Clomid: BFN. HSG scheduled. Mr. D and I have saved a lot of money at this point, and decided, since we’re not pregnant, let’s try to sell our house that we hated so we can buy a house that we love. Spent the month cleaning, organizing, storing, and throwing.
July: Horrible HSG (passed out, had seizure) and put house on the market. Ten days later, we had a signed purchase agreement from the new owners. Started with RE. Clomid: BFN.
August: Supposed to have Lapraoscopy surgery, but due to quick timing of our move, we pushed to September. Saved more money and closed on our house. Moved to temporary condo month-to-month so that we can purchase next spring when we don’t feel as pressured with all of this TTC stuff.
September: Lap scheduled mid-month was cancelled due to AF arriving 14 days early. WTF. Lap completed towards end of month.
October: RE meeting… weighed recommended next steps of IUI or IVF. Decided to wait for November to make a decision. Would likely start January 2011. Didn’t ovulate because of surgery.
November: Ovulated… wait a minute, why isn’t AF here?
December: BFP on December 2! Currently 8 weeks pregnant after 2 betas, 2 ultrasounds, and hearing/seeing our little bean’s heartbeat. We are ecstatic and praying that our little one stays healthy and safe!

I don’t exactly make New Year’s resolutions, but I do go through a mental process of determining what I would like to keep and change about how I manage my life. Below is my Top 3 Start, Stop, Continue List. Enjoy!

START
- Calling my parents and sister more frequently
- Being more open to sharing our IF struggles with people I know in real life
- Joining the 21^st century by adopting technology with a data phone, Facebook, etc.

STOP
- Worrying about miscarrying our baby and truly trust that God will take care of us
- Living only for the future, and live life today for what it was meant to be
- Trying to be a perfectionist at work and realize I am doing a great job

CONTINUE
- Working with Financial Planner, saving money, and using our money markets to support our dreams
- Engaging in my professional work and aspiring for the next level
- Engaging in our Catholic faith and loving going to Mass and praying

... and, of course, continue taking care of our little bean :)

To my blog friends, THANK YOU for your friendship in 2010. I had no idea what to expect when I started by blog in April, and truly just thought it would be a place for me to write for myself. I love the support of this community and can’t tell you how much it means to me to read your kind comments. I never thought that comments on a blog would really mean that much, but I take it to mean that you are a part of this journey with me. Thank you for your friendship! I look forward to staying connected in 2011.

Here’s to a brand new year – it’s going to be a great one!

XOXO
Mrs. D