Full Term

Holy crap... how can I be 37 WEEKS pregnant already?!  Time has FLOWN by - way too incredibly fast.  I truly can not believe it.  I have been reflecting a lot on why I feel that time absolutely got away from me throughout this pregnancy, and here's the main reasons I can come up with: my mother's hospitalization and illness taking up 95% of my time during my first trimester, work being really busy, the fact that Mr. D and I had the main staples taken care of within the first 20 weeks or so (nursery done, bottles and baby items purchased, etc.), and... running after a 16-month old toddler every day.  Without even realizing it, my belly grew, the weeks progressed, and now here I am... days away from welcoming the newest little member to our family.

I am still feeling really good, although definitely starting to slow down.  It's hard to chase Max around, bend down multiple times a day, and find time to rest!  I never thought about the second pregnancy being different than the first, but boy was I not prepared... it's not easy to be a pregnant mother to a toddler.

Our C-section is still scheduled for January 30, and we are just PRAYING that our plans work out and baby stays put until then.  It's challenging to plan out what will be happening with Max while we are in the hospital - I have it almost all figured out... that is, if we truly go into the hospital to deliver on the 30th.  If he comes early, it is going to be crazy to figure out a Plan B quickly.  Luckily, both of our families are within 15 miles of us, so I know things would be fine, but, man, life would be so much easier if Baby Boy comes when planned!

I have confirmed by plans for a job-share when I return to work in May, which feels incredible.  I will work either M, T, W or W, Th, F - my job-share partner will work the other schedule and we will share the responsibility of one job.  I can not tell you how thrilled I am that my company approved this for me, my husband is supporting my decision, and I am able to move into this type of work/life situation.  Before having Max, one of my biggest concerns was going on maternity leave and returning to a full-time career.  Although I've made it work for over a year, and could absolutely continue to do so, I am so much more relaxed heading in to this maternity leave... I won't go back full-time.  I'll still get to work and enjoy my career and co-workers, but I'll have more time at home and most of all, more time with my sons.  So happy :)

Each day that passes means we are closer and closer to meeting this new little love of our lives, and for that, we feel so blessed.  We still have some major milestones to hit before taking home this little man, and we are praying that everything goes well and we are holding our new, healthy, little monkey in our arms very soon.

Feeling Festive

I finally feel it... the holiday season.  It usually creeps up on me each year, and this one is no different.  I never really start feeling the spirit until a few days before Christmas, and I am happy to say that I am now settling in... it truly is the holidays :)  My tree and house decorations have been up since the weekend after Thanksgiving, but it finally clicked... time to relax and take in all the beauty of the season.

And, we have so much to celebrate this year.  My little man continues to be the light of our lives, and our new little man, due to make his appearance in a little over a month, will fit right in.

We are busy getting everything situated for Baby #2's arrival.  This pregnancy has just been so incredibly different... not only has time absolutely FLOWN, but everything seems much more calm.  We put together his nursery, bought new bottles, have diapers situated, clothes ready to go (one amazing perk of having same-sex siblings... all of Max's clothes/boy-themed toys, etc. will be reused!), and many, many other details figured out.  It was all just so relaxed this time around - I remember being so uptight and perfect with Max's pregnancy, and this one is way more chill.

We already have some things to expect with this little one... on top of the cyst uncovered at the 20-week ultrasound (which has now almost completely gone away, thank goodness), our little guy also has one kidney that is more dilated than the other.  Basically, this may mean that something is causing a small portion of his urine to push back up into his kidney.  It could also mean absolutely nothing... his kidney is measuring 1 mm larger than what falls within "normal" range - and this could be "normal" for him.  Who knows.  Nothing for us to do right now...our little man will likely have an ultrasound performed during the first few weeks of his life to see if his kidney is back to normal - which is what typically happens in most babies who have dilated kidneys.

If this would have happened with Max, I would have been an absolute wreck.  But with this baby, we are taking it in stride - there's nothing we can do about it, we have an otherwise-very-healthy baby, and it's all in God's hands, not mine.  So we will pray that he is born healthy, just like his older brother, and that everything works out.

I hope all of my bloggie friends are enjoying the couple of days before Christmas - I love following each of your stories and the connections we've made.  Many blessings for an amazing holiday season with family and friends!

XOXO
Mrs. D

One Month Later

Hello!  It's been over a month since I posted... wow.  I have been checking in on all of your blogs on my phone, but it's nearly impossible for me to comment and post to my own blog.  I've also found myself in a blogging rut... what's important to write about?  What's relevant?  What does my blog stand for?  I am definitely at what feels like a weird point and I am trying to figure out what my vision for this blog is.  It's certainly changed over time, so please bear with me as I try to figure it out :)

Life is good - we are 29 weeks pregnant and getting more excited by the day to welcome this little man to our family.  This pregnancy is SO DIFFERENT than my pregnancy with Max.  The first time around, I counted every single day until my due date.  I was scared shitless that I would miscarry again until I heard him screaming as he was pulled out of me.  I had every single detail of pregnancy, labor, and caring for a newborn planned out.  I spent so much time taking care of myself and resting.  This time?  Time has absolutely FLOWN and I can't even believe we will have another baby in 10 weeks.  I am SO less stressed - I know that everything is completely out of my hands and all I can do is pray for a healthy baby.  I drink decaf coffee this time around.  I am never able to rest... Mr. D is really helping me to find time to do so, but it's not really possible with a 15-month busy toddler and a full-time job.  It's just a different experience to be a pregnant MOM instead of a pregnant WOMAN.  I am really challenging myself to love every second of the next 10 weeks, as I absolutely love being pregnant and will miss it very much once Baby #2 - very likely our last child - is born.

I've learned of 3 friends/co-workers in the past couple of months who are struggling in different ways with infertility.  My long-time personal challenge with IF has been being open, confident, and talking about it.  My heart absolutely breaks for these wonderful women.  The feelings of IF and dealing with the emotions just never go away, and it is just so unfair that others have to experience the pain of it all.  I am trying to figure out my place in the "parenting after IF" world, as I still feel very connected to the struggles.

That's all for today... once Max wakes up from his nap, we are headed outside to enjoy the amazing 50 degree weather!  Not always common for mid-November in Minnesota, so I'll take it :)

Happy weekend!
- Mrs. D

Today I Think of You

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day - October 15.  

Although I've been absolutely blessed with my beautiful son and our new baby boy growing in my belly, I would be completely remiss if I didn't honor my first little baby today - the one we lost too soon.

Things happen for a reason.  Whether you believe that reason is based on belief, faith, or just plain luck (or lack there of), I happen to personally believe that God has a plan.  

When we lost our first little baby, I swore I would never, ever understand why.  I couldn't comprehend why the loss happened.  Looking back, I still can't quite answer why... I never will be able to.  However, I know that my life is full because of my little Maxwell.  He was part of God's plan for us.  And we've been given the gift of a second child, one we wanted so badly to complete our family.  If we wouldn't have lost our first baby, maybe we would have never got Max or his new little brother... and that thought scares me to death.

Today I remember my first pregnancy we achieved after years of trying to conceive - I remember the feelings I felt when I saw those positive HPTs, the excitement Mr. D and I felt when we first hugged each other, knowing that our dream of becoming parents was finally coming true.  Those wonderful memories were taken from us far too soon with a miscarriage and the upcoming, horrible struggle of trying, trying, and trying again.

Today I think of you, my little baby.

To all those who also lost babies too soon, I am thinking of you this evening and honoring your little angels.

The Best of Both Worlds

Career.  It's a word that has literally defined me for years.  And when I see myself type that, it seems depressing... makes me pause and think, "Seriously??  Your career has defined you?  Sad."  Of course, career is not the only word that defines me, but it ranks among the top few.

But I love it.  Of course, there is more to me than work... I have a wonderful family, an amazing husband, great friends, faith-based beliefs, etc., etc., etc.  But I love work.  I love my company, I love my co-workers (many, many of which are my friends), and I love (for the most part) corporate culture.  I love the pressure, I love the stress (sometimes), and I love when people look to me for answers or insight.

When Mr. D and I started down our long journey to conceive, I knew my focus on work would change, which was totally fine with me.  Of course, our journey took a LOT longer than expected, so by the time our little man joined us, I had been busting my booty and progressing my career for over a decade.  When I went back to work after maternity leave, I didn't feel as torn as I thought I would, based on what I had heard from other mothers.  I kept hearing horror stories about how hard it would be to go back to work, and the whole time I would be at work, all I would be thinking about is my kid.

Is it hard to keep the same pace at work as before?  Oh, hell yeah.  It's really hard.  But somehow, my type-A personality tells my skeptical side, "Come on... you know how to rock it at work... make it happen."  And so I do.  But, damn, am I tired.  Somehow I am managing to keep the same pace at work, and be a full-time mother.  I DO think about my child when I am at work... a lot.  I wish I was with him, but not all the time.  He needs interaction with his friends at daycare.  He has learned so much from other kids and from his daycare provider... I would never want to deprive him of that experience.

So - I've been weighing my options.  I would never want to give up my work and career.  I obviously love my child (soon to be children) more than anything and want to spend more time with them.

So - I struck a deal with myself... and with my company.  I created a job-share proposal, which basically allows me to work three days per week at 60% pay, with my job only demanding 60% of the usual 100% I deliver today.  The pay cut will be a big deal - Mr. D and I both do just fine, but to cut such a significant chunk will have an impact.  But I've been saving and preparing for this... and the cut will be just fine.  It will allow me two weekdays home with my kids, which I think is the perfect amount of time.  They will still get the benefit of going to daycare three days of the week while I am at work, and the other two days will be dedicated to them... hopefully filled with play dates, activities, and things for us to do together.  It will also give me time to do the run-of-the-mill things... laundry, Target shopping, house cleaning... all of the things that are now being crammed in to our already-packed weekends.

My proposal was approved, and I have a couple additional factors to figure out before it all begins.  Not sure if that will be before 2012 is over, or if we will wait until after my maternity leave... I am the one who is determining timing for the most part.  Either way, I am flexible and happy that I am being afforded this opportunity.

I am considering this to be the best of both worlds for me: allowing me to drive my career in a different way now that I am also a mother, and allowing me time to be with my children more than what I can do now.

I think this is going to be an amazing transition.

To 'C' or Not to 'C'... That is the Question

C-section.  

Definitely not the way I expected Max's birth to end, but after nearly 30 hours of labor and only dilating to a 5, it was a done deal.

I never started Max's labor thinking that it would end in a C-section, but, after being in labor for that long with my cervix starting to swell and actually do the opposite of dilating, there wasn't much of a choice.

And, truly... it was not bad at all.  The C-section itself, the recovery afterwards... it all was not how the books paint the picture.  I was warned about picking my newborn up too quickly, climbing stairs, exercising... you name it.  But the first day home from the hospital, I climbed our 16-stair staircase up to the nursery, back downstairs, and repeated a few times... not painful at all.  I was back to running a few miles within a couple weeks after the surgery... again, not a big deal.

So, my Doctor has asked me the question about my preferences for this birth.  Do I prefer to attempt delivery, or should we schedule a C-section?

No hesitation here: sign me up for another C-section.

We made this decision very early on in my pregnancy for a few reasons.  First, the chances that I could actually progress and deliver this time are lower than the average mother.  A lot of VBACs result in an eventual emergency surgery (especially those that occur within a few years of the first time the mother had a C-section), and I'd prefer not to be rushed into emergency surgery because the baby is having trouble, my uterus ruptures, or anything else.

Second, my baby will stay inside of me - stress-free - as long as possible before I am cut open and he is brought into this world.  So many benefits to that.

And, third... this one may be selfish... Mr. D and I think it sounds INCREDIBLY peaceful to wake up early, have plans for who is going to watch Max, have everything situated, drive to the hospital, have a quick surgery, and by mid-morning, be snuggling with our new little baby.  Maybe it's because I am a crazy planner, but I think it sounds amazing to have everything planned out and know what and when to expect everything to go down...

... which is why I went ahead and scheduled Baby #2's big arrival date.  I will pause here and say the most eerie thing about having a repeat C-section is scheduling your child's birthday... kind of weird.

Our C-section is scheduled for Wednesday, January 30 at 7:30 a.m.  I need to be at the hospital by 5:45 for surgery prep, and baby will be born by 9:00.  I will be out of recovery by 10:00, and Mr. D and I plan to be sipping on coffees and enjoying our new bundle by mid-morning.

Of course, our little man may choose to come early (although I doubt it... Max was 4 days late, and was not even ready to come yet) - at which time, we'd need to decide if we want to try a VBAC or do an emergency C-section. I am not sure what I would do at that point... not even sure I need a plan for that situation.  If it happens, we'll see what my body is doing at the time, and decide from there.

I know so many people have different opinions on this, but thought I would share my plan.  As long as our little man enters the world safely, that's all I can pray for.

It's Been Far Too Long... But Here's Some Updates Anyways :)

It's been far too long.  Reasons I can offer for being so absent from my blog include: extreme busyness, exhaustion at night when I finally do sit down to tinker around on the internet, chasing a running toddler around my house, etc., etc., etc.

To say that life with a toddler is busy is an absolute understatement.  Our little Max is not so little anymore...  he is over 13 months, running all over the place, over 30 pounds, and the absolute center of this family.  The little things he picks up every day are so amazing (learning to turn the light switch on and off was yesterday's big win), and I count my blessings all the time.

On the baby #2 front... things are going really, really well.  We found out the gender two weeks ago... and it's another BOY!  I thought all along that this little one was a boy - I just had this feeling that was so strong (something I never felt when carrying Max).  And we wanted another boy... for Max to grow up with a brother 17 months younger than him is more than I ever could have prayed for.  However, there was a period of time - a couple hours or so - after we found out during the ultrasound that I sat back and thought, "Huh.  So this means we will never have a daughter."  This is definitely our last child - for many reasons... another post for another day... and to have that moment of reflection really made me pause and think about what our lives will be like.  If you would have told me three years ago that I would soon be the mother of two boys, I would have never believed it.  But, boy am I happy now :)  I am so incredibly thankful for this little guy growing inside of me, and we can not wait for him to join his big brother.

The only "pregnancy scare" so far has been that, after my 20 week ultrasound, I had a regular monthly check-up where my doctor reviewed the results of the ultrasound with us.  Our little guy has a cyst on his skull - not brain, thankfully - which are pretty common (many babies have them, but they fade within weeks, so depending on when the ultrasound takes place within a mother's pregnancy, who knows if they show up on a scan).  I had all of the 12-week screening completed, and our chances for the chromosomal abnormalities were 1 in 10,000.  The 12-week screening "overrides" what would be seen via ultrasound, since the screening is way more accurate by testing my blood.  So - she left it up to us... no action needed, or decide to have a Level 2 ultrasound.  We chose the latter, and had another ultrasound last week.  The cyst is still there, and looks "normal."  We met with a neonatal specialist doctor, and he basically told us that our baby looks great and the cyst is not a concern at all based on my 12-week screen and additional bloodwork they requested I have completed.  Our chances of chromosomal abnormalities are now back to the 1 in 10,000 ratio because we opted for the additional measuring via ultrasound and bloodwork with nothing found.

The whole Level 2 thing would have freaked me out during my pregnancy with Max, but this time I feel so much different.  Everything is completely out of my hands and I have to trust that my baby is totally healthy.

Other than that, not a whole lot else going on.  I have a whole other post to write another day regarding my plans for returning to work after Baby #2 is born.  This year of full-time working and full-time motherhood has been a LOT, and with two kids under two years old, I truly don't know how it all will come together.  So, my company is allowing me to create a job share with my current role - which will be AWESOME.  My pay will be 60% of what I make today, but I will only work 3 days a week - likely Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays.  I've been financially planning for this type of transition since before Max was born, and I know we are in a good spot - it's just taking the leap of faith to make it happen.  I know I will be a better mother if I am able to dedicate a couple of days to my children, and I know I will be a better person at work if I am only expected to deliver 60% of what I am today within 3 days per week.  I am thinking of it as the best of both worlds - I absolutely love my job and company and can not imagine leaving, but I need a bit of a break.  I also know that I would never want to be a stay-at-home-mother full-time, but I think this whole family could benefit from more mother-and-kids time.  So, more to come on that and my upcoming transition soon.

I check all of your blogs frequently!  I typically do so when I am on the bus - in between where I park my car and my workplace - therefore, making it impossible to comment.  I am planning to get some comments out there tomorrow.  I am following all of your journeys!

Happy Autumn Day :)

XOXO
Mrs. D