Two Full Time Jobs

It's tough.

The balancing act is a lot tougher than I imagined.

I'm a working, stiletto-wearing, professional, kick-ass-during-the-day-and-take-no-prisoners kind of woman,

AND...

I'm a mama to a sweet little boy whom I've wanted and loved for longer than he'll ever know.

Two completely separate, yet intertwined worlds that I am blessed to call my own.

It's hard to be fully present in either world, and I've found myself struggling... at work, I think about my little man constantly, and when I get home, I am holding my kid on my hip as I log in to find 50 e-mails since I left work two hours ago.

But you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. I love, love, love working. Maybe it's because I view myself as successful (and everyone's definition of that is different) in the workplace, and I know that the work I do drives results. I live for it. The competition. The recognition. The work I do is exactly what I should be doing, and I love it.

But I also love my little boy. I love snuggling, playing, and taking walks. I love reading him books even though he has no idea what I am reading.

It makes it hard to make the decision to lead two full time jobs: my career and being a mom.

Even though I love my career, I find myself daily having to justify two things: One, I love my career and crave everything that comes along with my role: leading people, the politics, the pressure, the visibility, the money... everything. Two, my little man NEEDS interaction with others... especially other kids. Daycare is an environment that he needs for his own development, and he is so loved and well-taken-care-of.

But it's still hard. Would I be a good stay-at-home-mama? Hell, no. I wouldn't ever want to do it, either (although I give so much credit to the women who want and can stay at home with their little ones... it's not an easy job!). But going to work isn't always easy, either.

I wouldn't give it up for the world... I love my little man to pieces and being a mom is more rewarding than I could have imagined. I've also found - for me - that being career-focused is incredibly rewarding, too.

And, so, my two full time jobs continue... and I wouldn't want it any other way.

It's a Beautiful Life

Sitting on my couch, watching The Bachelor - I can NOT believe he picked Courtney. I barely even watch this show, but I know enough to know that she is crazy. Grrrr.... not that I thought his other choice was his soul mate, but Courtney?! Seriously?

Anyway, I've been a good blog follower, but lacked in the comment department in the past several days... I will be commenting yet tonight and tomorrow!

Here are a few updates:

- AF finally arrived. Oh, the joys :) No complaints, though - this is exactly what I wanted. I took Provera for 10 days, and, like clockwork, AF came on Day 10. I am on CD5, planning on tracking this cycle. Not sure if we'll "give it our all" and try to get pregnant this month, but at least it's good to track and see if I even ovulate. Maybe I am so nonchalant about it because I am totally envisioning this taking a long time again. Hopefully I am wrong :)

- Max is amazing. Two teeth, popping in a third, rolling/scooting all over the place, prefers to stand and have his hands held while he walks, can sit by himself for quite some time. He's eating oatmeal, rice, all fruits, and all veggies. No food he doesn't like. This is why he is 22 pounds. He's a big boy! We are getting pictures done on Friday - I'll post as soon as I have them!

- I LOVE this weather! Here in MN, we hit 60 degrees today, and 70 degrees is forecasted this week. LOVE IT!

- More to come this week... it's been busy around here, so sorry for my lack of updates. I will post soon!

XOXO

Mrs. D

"Let's Let Mommy Go Blog"

I had been holding Max this afternoon for an extended period of time... usually Mr. D and I take turns handing him off and letting the other have some time. Not that I don't love holding him, but I needed a little break. So, Mr. D came up to me, put his arms out for Max and said, "Come on, buddy, let's let Mommy go blog."

Love it :)

So, here I am, catching up on my bloggie friends' blogs and enjoying a glass of red wine.

I am on day 6 of Provera, still 4 more to go. No sign of AF yet, I fully expect her this week. I bought new batteries so I can fire up the Clear.blue fertility monitor on day 1 of my cycle. I am planning on just trying to figure out my pattern - or lack there of - this month. Hopefully I ovulate and things start going back to "normal" in my body. We'll see :)

I'll leave you with a picture... this is my little Maxwell at the Dr.'s office for his 6 month check-up on Thursday (I was a couple weeks late with his appointment). This was before he received 3 shots in his legs... poor pumpkin. He continues to be 95th percentile for height and weight, and is now 85th percentile for head circumference. He is our chunky, chubby, healthy baby :)

Happy weekend!

AF... Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are...

Thanks for the thoughts on my last post, ladies. I love thinking about things differently, and all of your comments about sibling spacing made me sit back and think about different points of view. So, thank you :)

Dr. C called me back on Friday afternoon. Well, actually her nurse did. She said as long as I am done breastfeeding (I chuckled a bit when she said this... not only did I quit at 3 weeks because of Max's stomach issues, but there would be no WAY I would still be breastfeeding at this point) and am not pregnant (again, I chuckled... as if I would be so lucky), she would prescribe Provera. And, so, on Sunday afternoon, I picked up my prescription and started my once-a-day dosage for 10 days.

Cheers to AF arriving in the next few weeks. Cue the tampons.

Sibling Spacing

The March issue of Par.enting magazine arrived in my mailbox this weekend. I always enjoy flipping through it, but to tell you the truth, it's overwhelming. I always end up reading something that alarms me... should my baby be taking 3 naps a day, like the article suggests? What if I am not feeding my baby a certain fruit by 8 months? Am I doing enough playtime with my child?

So, anyway, I try to read light-heartedly, but one article from this month's issue in particular caught my interest.

The article has to do with recommendations on how far apart to space kids. Now, I know there is a TON of research online and in different sources, but I appreciated the brevity of this article. Basically, I took three nuggets of information away: according to the article, "a new study suggests that two or more years between siblings is optimal, resulting in higher scores in reading and math tests later," "...an even bigger gap can be best for the older sib," and that "when you have two in diapers, the family's day-to-day life is more about survival than enrichment."

I have so many thoughts about this.

First, I love the idea of choosing spacing for siblings, but after managing through IF, is that really even an option for most of us? I, personally, am choosing to start TTC again 6 months after my little guy was born because I have no idea how long it will take us to have another baby - or if we will ever be blessed with another baby. If we get pregnant right away, awesome. And if not, well, at least I can say we gave it our all. Everyone's decision on this is their own, and I support and respect everyone's decisions for their own family.

Here's why I feel like I need minimal spacing for my own family.

My sister and I are nearly 6 years apart. I am older. And, I can see where this study is coming from... my parents spent SO much one-on-one time with me from age 0-6, and I believe this is why (I promise I am not stuck-up here) I was a good student, applied myself, worked hard, did well in sports, etc., etc. My sister, on the other hand, didn't receive as much attention in her formative years as I did. Why? It's not because they didn't love her as much, but as she was going through the infant/toddler/preschool/school-age years, they were helping me with math problems, reading comprehension, history projects, and essays. If given the choice of helping my sister with her colors and shapes or me with my science project, I think they chose me to focus on. My sister was kind of along-for-the-ride. No offense to my parents at all... they were (and are) wonderful parents to both of us, but they focused so much on helping and developing me that my sister was left to follow in her older sister's footsteps. And she stumbled, to say the least. She had a much harder time in school, didn't apply herself, and still, to this day, has a hard time articulating what she wants to do with her life. As my parents were bringing me to cheerleading practice and supporting me through high school, my sister tagged along and didn't receive as much attention.

Now, I do not mean to apply this same circumstance to everyone. I know not every sibling pair is completely opposite from an upbringing perspective, and who knows if it's because my sister and I are 6 years apart in age with no other siblings (which I view to be a significant amount of time). But I've always known, that based on watching my sister not get as much development and attention as I did in my formative years because my parents were so busy with me, I wanted my kids to be close in age.

The study mentions that "increasing spacing between has a beneficial effect." And I guess I agree... for the older sibling. What about the younger one?

My opinion on spacing is: I want minimal spacing. And I know that I am speaking to a community of fellow IFers who may be thinking, "Mrs. D, you are crazy... be thankful for a baby whenever they come into your life." And I couldn't agree more. I am just thinking, from an optimal perspective, I am praying that I can have kids close in age so that we can get through the baby phase in a faster amount of time, and focus on "phases" around the same time. It would be awesome, if, Max starts to potty-training, and within a couple years, another child (if I am so lucky to have another child) gets potty-trained. Then we are done with that phase and onto the next.

I'd love your thoughts on this... even if they are different than mine. What is optimal spacing? Do you even care how far apart your kids are? Is there a point when, if your first child is a certain age, you would stop trying for more children?

I Made the Call

I called my OB. Asked for a prescription of Prometrium to jump-start AF. Not sure if she'll give it to me - I talked to a nurse and she's calling me back. When I went in for my 6-week postpartum check and told my OB that I wanted to conceive again ASAP, she warned me that I should wait a year to get pregnant to allow my body to heal from the C-section. This was before I told her I ran a 5K a mere two weeks after Max was born without her permission (they said no running/exercise for 6 weeks).

Healing time, sh-mealing time. I'm healed. Let's go. Not getting any younger.

I am feeling disappointed with my body. Why can't my body just be normal? I was dreading having to start this whole process over again... Prometrium, ovulation tracking (although, I do have the ever-so-trusty CBFM... time to brush the dust off that bad boy), and timed BD. Why can't it just be easy?

I know it's not going to be easy, which is why I bit the bullet and decided that I need to take charge. No more sitting back and waiting for things to occur that should just happen naturally. I've proven that my body doesn't really do many things naturally.

Game on.

Foreigner

Yup, that's what I am. A foreigner.

Why am I a foreigner, you ask?

I am in Toronto, Canada for work again, and I love this city. I, of course, love the US and would never leave, but there's something about Canada... the fresh air, the people... it's a great place. I've been here since Tuesday morning and go back home to MN tomorrow night.

Sometimes it's nice to be in a place where nobody knows you. I went out for dinner tonight with a gal who is one of my direct reports, and we both commented about how nice it is to fly under the radar.

Ahhhh, Canada. My home away from home :)