Doing the Deed

Okay, so I am going to be totally honest.

It's been a long time since Mr. D and I... you know... had non-attempt-to-make-a-baby-s-e-x.  A LONG time. 

So long that it's embarrassing to admit.  

So long that we both can't really believe it's been that long.

So long, honestly, that I can't remember what it's like.

S-e-x for us for the past 4+ years has been a timed, methodical, planned activity with the goal of trying to conceive (there have been a few times sprinkled in that weren't just for baby-making attempts, but they were few and far between).

Now that the baby-making attempts are over, it's time to get back to business.

It's going to be weird to be intimate and NOT have to think about what we've wanted to come from our love-making in the past... a healthy pregnancy and child.

Anyone else had these thoughts?

Divide and (Try to) Conquer

** I am having some bizarre computer issues right now, where I can't scroll... and it's making my ability to post comments nearly impossible!  I am working on it, and am following blogs... I have comments to post, but just can't right now!  I am working on it!  :)
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Man, it's tough.

Being a parent of two - one 18-month old toddler and one 1-month old infant - that is.

When we first had Max, I remember thinking a few times, "Wow, this whole baby thing is easier than I thought."  Now, PLEASE know that I am NOT trying to say that things were always sunshine and rainbows... having baby #1 was not by any means a cakewalk.  

But it truly was easier than I had anticipated, for a couple reasons.  

First, Mr. D is an incredibly hands-on father.  We took turns passing Max back and forth, feeding him bottles, burping, bouncing, dealing with his crying episodes, etc., etc.  I didn't deal with Max 100% of the time... we shared the responsibilities.  And it worked for us.

Second, I truly think I prepared for the worst before Max joined us.  Although I envisioned the perfect bouncing baby joining us, I also assumed that we would be pulling all-nighters every night with a fussy baby, dealing with colic, and that it was going to be incredibly hard to shift my life to fit a newborn.  None of this really happened... Max was a good baby, slept through the night by 6 weeks (I know, I know - maybe that's not typical), and overall just "fit in" to our lifestyle.

Fast forward 17 months.

Mason has joined us, and comparatively speaking, is a fantastic baby.  He's a good sleeper, eater (for the most part, although nursing isn't exactly going along without its challenges), etc.  He seems to fit in, and we are full-blown back into the mode of having a newborn... feedings, constant diaper changes, and all. 

The shift from one to two children has been more of a change for Mr. D and me.  It's tough - one of our children - if not both of them at once - is constantly in need of SOMETHING... attention, food, diaper change, consoling, etc.  Yesterday, we had full intention of leaving the house to go to a little coffee shop for dessert... just to get out of the house.

We must have said to each other, "So, should we try to leave?" about 15 times yesterday, and we never ended up making it there.  The kids required too much too frequently.  I kept reminding myself throughout the day, "Remember, we have a 1-month old newborn... it is normal for him to need a lot right now."  We ended up going to Bab.ies R Us - about 10 minutes away - and were at the store for 10 minutes before we frantically left... Max was throwing a tantrum and Mason woke up from a nap, starving. 

So - there is a new motto we are trying out in this house: Divide and try to conquer.

Pick a son and do whatever is necessary while the other parent focuses on the other.

It has seemed to work so far, but it kind of makes me sad.  I always envisioned our 4-person family doing everything together - Target runs, trips to the mall, etc.  But right now, that's not working so well.  Maybe in a couple years.  

We tried this new approach last night.  We desperately needed to get to Target for grocery shopping and a long list of items we knew we needed.  Being the Type-A person that I am, it KILLED me to hand over my over-the-top-organized Target list to Mr. D, but it needed to be done.  Mr. D took Max to Target, and I stayed home with Mason.  It worked.  The Target list was purchased, Max got to get out of the house with his Daddy, and our newborn got some skin-on-skin nursing time.

It's another lesson to me that although I sometimes think I might have it all figured out, adjustments will likely need to be made.  Parenting is no different, and now that there are two kids to care for, even more adjustments may need to happen.

For now, the Divide and Try to Conquer approach will be our new normal.

Life Lately

Life with two kids is busy, to say the least.  

One of our children is always crying, in need of feeding, attention, or cuddling.  

It's draining, exhausting, and overwhelming. 

But it's beautiful and wonderful at the same time.

Mason is two weeks old, and he continues to amaze me... he literally was born one minute and was immediately the perfect little addition to our family.  He looks so much like Max, it's crazy.  I often feel like I am having deja vu moments when looking at him... it's just like looking at Max when he was a newborn.

On the other hand, Mason is so different.  He doesn't like to be bounced in my arms in the same way that would always calm Max.  He isn't a fast eater, like Max was.  He likes to snuggle; from the time Max was born, he just wanted to be on the move.

Similarities and differences - I guess that's to be expected with siblings :)

Max loves his little brother... sometimes a little too much.  He is constantly asking to see the baby (we're working on getting him to say "Mason," but he looks at us like we're crazy - as if Mason's name isn't just "baby"), kissing his head, and pointing at his cheeks.  Unfortunately, all of this sudden interest in the baby - although we tried to keep him at a distance - led to Max giving Mason his lovely cold.  So, I am trying to nurse a two week old back to health - he has a terrible cough, sneeze, and runny rose.  We were at the doctor yesterday, making sure his cold wasn't turning into anything more serious... thank goodness it's just a cold.

As for me - I feel 100% completely healed from my C-section, which feels awesome.  I am 6 pounds lighter than pre-pregnancy weight, which also feels awesome.  There is some lovely, chubby-looking skin around my mid-section that wasn't there before, so I'll be working on getting rid of that very soon.  Running is the only thing that will help... Nikes and sport bras, here I come.

I am also attempting nursing, which is proving to be a much better experience than with Max.  I am still not making a ton of milk, so at some point, I know it will be a question of if it's even worth it for the amount I am producing.  For now, it feels good that I can at least nurse him and pump a couple of bottles per day.

So, that's what's new.  I am absolutely awe-struck that I have two living, healthy (other than colds) children.  Mr. D and I sat down for dinner last night, which never really happens, but we just-so-happened to have dinner ready at a time where we could sit down and eat.  We turned off the TV, pulled Max over to the table in his highchair, and placed Mason in his vibrating seat on our kitchen table.  For two seconds, it was quiet.  We both stopped, looked at each other, and smiled.  

This is our new reality.

I love it.

So blessed.

Our Newest Little Man

Mr. D, Max, and I are thrilled to announce the arrival of our new family member:

Mason William

Mason came screaming into this world on Wednesday, January 30.  He weighed 7 pounds, 7 ounces, and immediately stole what was left of my heart.  Just like with Max, when I heard Mason scream for the first time as he was being pulled out of me, I bursted into tears.  I cried out of sheer disbelief that he is alive and I am his mother, until he was brought over to my side - at which time we both stopped crying, locked eyes, and stared at each other.

Mason looks exactly like Max did when he was born (in comparing baby pictures, I literally don't know the difference between my own two sons).  He is healthy and the perfect person that was meant to complete our family.  We have been given a gift, and for that, we are so incredibly grateful.

My repeat C-section was the BEST decision I made... our birth was the most beautiful, calm, peaceful, quick experience.  I laid down on the surgical table at 7:49 a.m., Mason was born at 8:07, and I was back in my postpartum room at 8:47.  Mason was nursing at 8:56, and from there... well, everything has been incredibly calm and surreal.

We are still in the hospital - I will post a birth story once we are home and settled.  

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your love and support - you gals mean the world to me!

Welcome to this world, my baby Mason.  You are the perfect little boy to complete our family.

XOXO

Mrs. D

The Eve of Our New Reality

Okay, so the title of my post sounds dramatic :)  But I couldn't think of a better title.  And honestly, today feels kind of dramatic to me.

January 29.  I am sitting here on my couch, five minutes after logging off my work computer for three months.  It is surreal.  It is quiet and serene around this house... soon to be the home of two little boys.

Tomorrow is the big day... our baby boy will be born.  This day came so incredibly fast.  I can't believe how quickly this pregnancy has gone.  I worked from home today, and ran to Tar.get over lunch.  On the way home, I had this indescribable need to go to church (lucky, our church is right on the way to Tar.get).  I pulled into the parking lot - completely empty other than some cars near a separate office entrance - and walked in.  I knelt down into a pew and the tears immediately started. 

It was overwhelming.  All the planning, all the crazy feelings that went into our TTC journey, all the stress, all the love, all the anticipation, all the joy... everything came pouring out in rounds and rounds of tears (glad I had a couple of tissues in my jacket pocket).  I cried because this part of our journey is coming to an end... I am done TTC and being pregnant as of tomorrow.  This has been a journey that has brought us on a crazy, emotional, spiritual, amazing, rewarding, hard path, and it's about to be over.  Our family is about to be complete, and although I am so, so, so fortunate and blessed, it is an overwhelming feeling.  I gave myself time to let it all soak in as the tears continued.

I prayed to be a good mother to two boys.  I've been so excited to have another baby and complete our family that I only recently started thinking about what this is going to mean for Mr. D and me... I mean, holy crap, we are going to be parents of two children.  Are we even ready for this?  I am sure it is going to be wonderful and beautiful, stressful and hectic, and I prayed to have the strength and love to care for two.

After a few minutes, I went over to the prayer chapel, donated a dollar, and lit a candle for our little boy.  I prayed that my surgery tomorrow goes well and that our baby boy is born healthy and alive. 

I am so thankful that he is joining our family.

I am thankful to be the mother of two children.

I am thankful for everything we've gone through to get to this point.

I am about to go pick up Max from daycare and spend our last night together as a family of three.  Tomorrow around 7:30 a.m., his little brother will be born.

And our family will be complete.

Thank you for your thoughts and comments - I will post very soon with details about our newest little guy!

XOXO
Mrs. D

Purging the Past

Mr. D and I are finishing up a few house-related projects.  If you've ever decided to do some home improvements by yourself, you know that they usually turn out to be more expensive, more time-intensive, and more tedious than originally anticipated.  One of our recent projects includes finishing a backroom in our basement that will be turned into a craft room/office.  It's almost complete - thank goodness - but we have some organization left that will make us both feel like this was a worthwhile project.

As we've been cleaning out this room and organizing, one chore that we've both been ignoring is cleaning out "the desk."  We have this old, ugly, cheap desk from Off.ice Depot that we purchased 7 years ago that has stood the test of time.  The desk has moved with us to 3 different homes, and currently is a "catch all" for bills, pens, papers, taxes... you name it.  Mr. D and I are ready to pitch it and move necessary items to our new backroom, but we needed to sort through old files and papers to make sure we were purging what we could and saving what needed to be retained.

About 20 minutes into our organizing, I came across a HUGE file full of medical paperwork.  Receipts, documents, pictures, cost estimations, cycle plans... all from our RE.  I sat down and went through every piece of paper.  Some of it I had completely forgot about, and some of it reminded me of a place I remember being so sad, in the depths of a crap battle against IF.  I knew I had saved some of this stuff, but going back through it felt so surreal.  I can't believe that just 2 years ago, we were still freshly pregnant, hadn't told anyone except our families, and were clinging on to that paperwork for dear life.  It told a story.  It documented everything we had gone through, paid for, thought about, contemplated, and envisioned as we yearned to start our family.  It would also be what we turned back to if things didn't work as planned and we needed to start fresh again.

I couldn't throw it away.  Mr. D challenged me appropriately, asking, "Why would we need this - didn't we agree that we are done after this baby is born?"  The answer is still yes... this baby will complete our family, and I hope I never need those papers again.

But something inside of me just couldn't let go.  So, I purged what I could (random doctor appointment reminders, copies of prescriptions, etc... things I definitely didn't need and really didn't care about), but I held on to a lot of it.  There's something so intense about the journey to conceive that will never leave my soul... it was part of our lives, it was one hell of a road to get where we wanted to be, and I never, ever want to forget the steps we went through to become parents.

Full Term

Holy crap... how can I be 37 WEEKS pregnant already?!  Time has FLOWN by - way too incredibly fast.  I truly can not believe it.  I have been reflecting a lot on why I feel that time absolutely got away from me throughout this pregnancy, and here's the main reasons I can come up with: my mother's hospitalization and illness taking up 95% of my time during my first trimester, work being really busy, the fact that Mr. D and I had the main staples taken care of within the first 20 weeks or so (nursery done, bottles and baby items purchased, etc.), and... running after a 16-month old toddler every day.  Without even realizing it, my belly grew, the weeks progressed, and now here I am... days away from welcoming the newest little member to our family.

I am still feeling really good, although definitely starting to slow down.  It's hard to chase Max around, bend down multiple times a day, and find time to rest!  I never thought about the second pregnancy being different than the first, but boy was I not prepared... it's not easy to be a pregnant mother to a toddler.

Our C-section is still scheduled for January 30, and we are just PRAYING that our plans work out and baby stays put until then.  It's challenging to plan out what will be happening with Max while we are in the hospital - I have it almost all figured out... that is, if we truly go into the hospital to deliver on the 30th.  If he comes early, it is going to be crazy to figure out a Plan B quickly.  Luckily, both of our families are within 15 miles of us, so I know things would be fine, but, man, life would be so much easier if Baby Boy comes when planned!

I have confirmed by plans for a job-share when I return to work in May, which feels incredible.  I will work either M, T, W or W, Th, F - my job-share partner will work the other schedule and we will share the responsibility of one job.  I can not tell you how thrilled I am that my company approved this for me, my husband is supporting my decision, and I am able to move into this type of work/life situation.  Before having Max, one of my biggest concerns was going on maternity leave and returning to a full-time career.  Although I've made it work for over a year, and could absolutely continue to do so, I am so much more relaxed heading in to this maternity leave... I won't go back full-time.  I'll still get to work and enjoy my career and co-workers, but I'll have more time at home and most of all, more time with my sons.  So happy :)

Each day that passes means we are closer and closer to meeting this new little love of our lives, and for that, we feel so blessed.  We still have some major milestones to hit before taking home this little man, and we are praying that everything goes well and we are holding our new, healthy, little monkey in our arms very soon.