The Journey to a Little One to Call Our Own

One gal's experiences dealing with IF, pregnancy, the birth of our first son, parenthood, and doing it all over again with our second son... here is our journey.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

All Clear

I had my post-delivery check up with my OB.

All good. My C-section incision looks good, my weight is 8 pounds lighter than pre-pregnancy, I am in good spirits, and my uterus is back down to its pre-pregnancy size. I can exercise (even though I was way ahead of the game - without the Dr.'s okay... oops - and already back to running), get massages, have sex, and do whatever. The only caution my OB gave me is to take it easy on sit-ups, given my incision needing more time to heal internally. No problem... who likes sit-ups, anyway?!

She then asked me what kind of birth control she could prescribe. It felt SO WEIRD for her to ask me that, after the years and years of medicine I took and discussions about how to make pregnancy happen, not prevent it.

I chose none. If I get pregnant again now, great. We aren't exactly trying (meaning, not tracking or anything... I haven't even gotten my period yet), but if it happens, it happens. We are totally cool with that. We will officially start trying again next spring/summer. It would be awesome if, by Max's first birthday, I am pregnant again. Given how long it took us to get pregnant the first time, who's to say that the second time won't be equally, if not even more, hard? Plus, if we start next summer and it takes us another couple years... well, at least we were actively trying and not sitting back waiting. I've always wanted two kids, close together in age. I have a younger sister, and there are 6 years between us. We never were close, because we were raised almost like only children. She was still in elementary school when I started high school. We have never been close because of our distance in age. So, I've always known I want kids close together... 1 or 2 years, if possible. But given that I now know that infertility was - and is - a part of our lives, we will start trying sooner than later, knowing that it's certainly not a sure thing.

Otherwise, life is good. Max grows more and more everyday, as does our love for him. He turned two months this week... crazy. We are bringing him to the pumpkin patch on Saturday - Mr. D's birthday - I'll post pics afterwards :)

Hope everyone's week is going well! Enjoy this beautiful autumn day.

Mrs. D

Monday, October 10, 2011

Once an IFer, Always an IFer

I've said it before, and will say it again: once an IFer, always an IFer. Even if a woman's (or man's) dreams of conceiving, carrying, and delivering a live baby come true, IF just never leaves your soul once you've experienced it... whatever your journey may be. You don't "graduate" to non-IF status, in my opinion. You're part of the lifelong club. Personally, I am okay with - and even grateful for - that. IF has made me humble, more sensitive, more thankful, and more supportive.

Today, Max and I went to the Pool & Spa store. We have a hot tub, and have been to this store multiple times over the summer to purchase hot tub chemicals. The store manager is super nice and has been extremely helpful. We always ask for her when we go in.

So, I walk in with Max, and there she is at the front counter. I was so happy to see her (instead of looking like a stalker and asking only for her to help me). She, however... not sure if she was happy to see me. She said, "Oh, hi - it looks like you have a baby now and not a baby bump." It wasn't a rude tone, but one that sounded... different. Hollow. Painful. Sad.

I would put my paycheck on the fact that she's an IFer. I could tell how she was looking at Max and how I could feel her heart hurt. She said all of the things someone should ask if they know you, but not really... I love his name, he's beautiful, life must be different but in a good way, etc.

But I could tell. It was painful, fake conversation. In one way, I wanted nothing else but to get the hell out of that store. But I stayed... and I answered all of her questions and thanked her for her sweet comments about my little boy. Our voices were really low, and it took all I have not to say something lame, like, "You know, it took a long time for us to welcome this little guy." But I let it be. Because I know that if the roles were reversed (which, trust me, I've been in similar situations time and time again), I wouldn't want anyone to say anything to make me look emotional on the outside when I was breaking inside.

If anyone is reading this who is in the trenches of IF, please know that my opinion is that we all never really leave IF Land. Once a baby comes along, it's not like you're "cured" or get to "graduate." We all belong to an amazing community where support is a necessity, no matter what stage you're in. It makes me happy to know that we all belong in one way or another.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Leaving Town

I've been a bad blogger and bad blog friend... I've been checking in on blogs but not commenting this week. It's been a busy one for us! I promise to get back in the swing of commenting and posting updates next week. Overall, everything is going awesome. Max is doing really well and continues to get cuter and more fun every day.

We're off to Brainerd, MN - a sweet, quaint resort town where my parents rented a cabin for the week. Mr. D, Max, and I are heading out this afternoon and will be back on Sunday... it will be Max's first time sleeping somewhere other than our house!

The weather here in MN is GORGEOUS... below are a couple of pictures of my front yard view. We have a ton of trees in our yard and neighborhood, and it's so beautiful this time of year to watch the seasons change. If you ever have the chance to visit MN, please do... it truly is such a beautiful place. And, of course, let me know if and when you travel to MN :)

My parents' cabin is on a large lake, and although it may be a bit chilly, I am going to attempt waterskiing (first time since last summer). Sometimes at this point in the season, the air is a bit chilly but the lake water is still warm from the summer... we'll see :) It's been about 80 degrees this week here in the city, but it's likely at least 10 degrees cooler up north in Brainerd.

Have a great weekend and I promise to be in touch next week!

Mrs. D

Trees in the front yard going up our driveway:

View of the pond across the street:

Max, chillin' in his diaper on our bed:

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Single Parenting

During the week, from the hours of 8 a.m. to 6 p.m., I am alone with my little man. At some point in the evening, Mr. D gets home from work and we help one another... with Max, with getting dinner ready, dishes washed, laundry done, etc. We also went into this whole parenthood experience supporting each other and wanting our son more than anything... knowing that this would be a two-person effort.

Mr. D is away for the afternoon, evening, and night at a bachelor party for his good friend, leaving me alone until tomorrow morning. This is the first time I will be alone with Little Man over night, and I am a bit nervous. And then I realized... there are parents who parent alone 24/7. Wow. I don't know how they do it.

Today, I am giving a shout-out to all of the moms and dads who parent alone. Whether by choice or not, I have a whole new respect and appreciation for those who raise children by themselves.