The Journey to a Little One to Call Our Own

One gal's experiences dealing with IF, pregnancy, the birth of our first son, parenthood, and doing it all over again with our second son... here is our journey.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Beta #1

Beta #1 = 369

They took my blood for Beta #2 this afternoon - absolutely PRAYING that my number went up significantly.

I hear back tomorrow.  If my number is good, I am to schedule an ultrasound in two weeks.  So, I am trying to think through if I schedule it for Friday, 6/15 or Monday, 6/18.  I should probably wait until 6/18 - give our little bean time to grow so that we can see that beautiful heartbeat.

That's of course assuming this bean is a sticky one.... oh, Lord, I do hope and pray this little baby is with me for the long haul!

Sunday, May 27, 2012


Thanks so much, ladies, for the super sweet comments and e-mails - I so appreciate it :)

Just so that I can keep everything documented for myself, here were my symptoms over the past couple weeks:

2 DPO: Learned from OB that I ovulated (confirmed through blood test)
3 DPO: Extremely hungry - just could not get full.  I ate all day long
4 DPO: Slight cramps
5 DPO: More cramps
6 DPO: More cramps, and my lower back and hips ached all day
7 DPO: Threw up at about 2 a.m.  This was extremely weird - I thought for sure I had food poisoning or something, because the rest of the night, I tossed and turned with major stomach cramps.  Cramps continued throughout the day.
8 DPO: Woke up, peed, and wiped... sorry if TMI... and there was dried blood.  I never had implantation bleeding with Max, but this immediately popped into my mind as an answer for why I had such bad cramping.  Took a HPT.  Negative.
9 DPO: Nothing.
10 DPO: Positive HPTs.

We are very excited, and very cautious - there's just such a long way to go until 12 weeks (let alone bringing home a healthy, live baby), and I am just praying that this little bean sticks.

I am going in for a beta on Tuesday - hoping that those #s are continuing to rise!!

Saturday, May 26, 2012

The Results Are In


I can't quite believe it.  You know, actually, yes, I can.  I just had this feeling all week... I knew I was pregnant.  I could feel it.  I've been having some symptoms (I'll save for another post), and just "felt" pregnant.  But, as much as I thought I was pregnant, seeing a positive test still can put a girl into shock.

I woke up at 7:00 a.m., and pondered taking a test.  Who was I kidding... I knew I would test.   So I walked into our master bath, took out a cheapy test (I had this all planned out - if the cheap one showed negative, I would take another, better one anyway to "prove" it).  I peed in a cup, dipped the stick, and waited.  After two minutes of washing my face, I glanced down and saw the dark control line.  My initial thought was, "Crap. Negative," but my sleepy eyes did a double-take.  Another beautiful, lighter pink line was present, too.  

I quickly dipped a FR.ER, and within seconds... the same result.  Pregnant, but a fairly light test line.

So, ladies, I decided to go big or go home.  I busted out the CB Digital, and literally, within 15 seconds, the most beautiful word was staring me back in the face.

I grabbed the digital and hopped back into bed with Mr. D.  He rolled over and said, "Good Morning," with his eyes still closed.

"LOOK AT THIS!" I said, much more loudly.

He grabbed the test, stared at it, looked at me, looked back at the test, looked at me again, and said, "Is this thing for real?"

I guess that's what I get for shoving a positive HPT in his face at 7 a.m. on a weekend when we are supposed to be sleeping in.

I am so incredibly happy and know that this is just step one of many, many, many hurdles and milestones to reach.  I can't help but reflect on my miscarriage - how excited we were to receive the positive result, not thinking that it could all be taken away.  For now, all I can do is be excited and patient as I take care of this little bean.  Please continue to be sticky, little one!

If you know me IRL, please keep this secret... we are not going to be telling ANYONE in our lives anytime soon.  Thank you for respecting us :)

Thanks to everyone for your well-wishes this week!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Still So Tempting

I am 8DPO (or 7DPO, depending on how I calculate) today.  I was trying so, so, so hard to hold off, but it was like an out-of-body experience... as if I was dreaming, I grabbed an HPT right when I got up and peed.  Negative.  I know it's too early to test, but I was hoping for that glimmer of a positive line.  
But, no.  
Those dang tests are so tempting.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Rollercoaster Ride, Round 2

Clomid worked, and I'm ovulating.  We all know what this means... timed BD sessions, bloodwork in a couple days, watching for symptoms, driving myself crazy wondering if I am pregnant, and praying for a miracle.

It's so weird this time around.  Before I was pregnant with Max, I was on a monthly rollercoaster ride... waiting, testing, BDing, getting hopes up, peeing on HPTs, and sadly welcoming AF each month.  This time is so incredibly different.

I HAVE a miracle.  My little Max is the best gift, and because I conceived, carried, and gave birth to a live child, I know my body can do it.  But that doesn't mean it will be an easier road to get there the second time.  I pray that it works - quickly - but who knows?  Maybe it will take a month, maybe years.  

On one hand, I remind myself that I am so incredibly, incredibly lucky.  If this month doesn't work out, I still have my miracle, and I am blessed.  And we have many, many more months to try again.  But I want one more sooner than later... and in order to achieve it, it's almost more nerve-wracking this time around.  What if it doesn't work at all?  Will I endure months, years of stress like last time?  What if I never get pregnant again?

All I know is that I am so, so blessed to have what I have in my little boy, but our family is not yet complete.  I am praying for one more miracle.

Stay tuned, ladies... 2WW is right around the corner...

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

A Sick Day

Decided to call in sick today.  Max was up at 1:15 a.m., and just now is taking a nap.  He has three teeth coming in on top, and has been cranky and sad this week.  I just couldn't send him to daycare, and I was exhausted.  So, Max and I are at home today.  Although I told my boss and direct reports I would be out, business still goes on, and I will be on conference calls the rest of the afternoon.  It's hard to truly disconnect from work, even when other things are going on that take priority.

So, instead of working, I am posting to my blog.  How's that for productivity?!

Life has been good.  Busy, but good.  I often feel guilty for not posting more often, but then I remember that I have two major jobs (career and being a mama) on top of other high priorities, and I have to remind myself not to feel bad.  There's just never a free moment.  One thing that I DO need to get better at is commenting... I am checking in on and reading all of your blogs, but just never log in to Blogger to comment (BTW - I HATE Blogger's new layout... sounds like a lot of people feel the same).  I'm sorry.  I will do better at commenting.

TTC #2 is in full speed ahead.  I am on CD13 after 5 days of Clomid.  I am sure hoping that my tubes are still clear from my lap surgery last year, and that I ovulate.  If history repeats itself, I am expecting to ovulate late (maybe around CD20 or so).  We are giving it our all and praying for a second miracle.  Max needs a little sister or brother :)

I'll post again soon - back to my work e-mail...

Mrs. D