The Journey to a Little One to Call Our Own

One gal's experiences dealing with IF, pregnancy, the birth of our first son, parenthood, and doing it all over again with our second son... here is our journey.

Monday, April 22, 2013

When You're Not Sure How You Fit

Okay, so it's likely no surprise to anyone reading my blog that I'm having a struggle with myself and this blog.  I post 1-4 times per month, when I used to post much more frequently.  I think I am struggling with what I've heard from a lot of my blogger friends who are parenting after IF... I'm just not sure where I fit in.  I absolutely still relate to IF bloggers, but now also relate to other types of bloggers.  For awhile, I brushed my not-sure-where-I-fit thoughts aside, thinking, even though I started this blog when I was focused on one thing - conceiving - I knew that I would continue if we were ever fortunate enough to have children.

Take the title of my blog: The Journey to a Little One to Call Our Own.  I picked this title very deliberately when I started by blog 3 years ago.  I wanted to document the journey Mr. D and I would take as we attempted to have a child/children.  I remember thinking, "Gosh, if I am fortunate enough to have a baby, does this title still work?"  For me, the answer was yes.

So, while I've been thinking about what's next for my blog, I read a post yesterday from a fellow blogger I've been following for at least a year.  I just removed her blog from my list of blogs I follow because, frankly, of how upset it made me.  I commented on her blog several times - during the time I've followed her, she's been through IUIs, IVFs, a miscarriage, and is now expecting her first child.  I don't recall her ever commenting on my blog, which is absolutely fine.  I don't follow blogs only if they follow me... I always enjoyed her writing style, and I truly, truly was interested in supporting her journey - through all the ups and downs.

She posted something to the effect of feeling betrayed by commenters on her blog if they were in a different place than she was.  She mentioned that when she was TTC, she didn't like getting comments on her blog from people who were pregnant or parenting... even if the comment was nice (which, she acknowledged that the comments were very kind).

It kind of pissed me off, and I'm not entirely sure why.  This community is so diverse with different people dealing with all different struggles - some have achieved what they set out for, and some have not.  And some have picked up additional struggles along the way that they didn't foresee when they started blogging.  We're all here for the support of whomever is interested in following along.

I feel that I still belong here in the community, but this blogger really made me question HOW I fit.  I certainly don't want to be making anyone feel badly about when I reach out to support them... but, even as I type that, I question it.  I mean, does it even matter where support comes from if you open yourself up on a blog that is available for all to see?

I don't know... I don't like having to define where, how, and why my blog fits in.  I guess I don't fit in into a specific, certain place.

I'm not sure where I am going with all of this babbling.  I think I just needed to get my feelings out there.

For now, this blog is my home, wherever it fits.


  1. I am the same way you are, I follow blogs regardless of if they follow me back or not. I recently came across a blogger who wrote a post about her concerns about breastfeeding #2. Her words were beautiful & really spoke to me. I followed her and can't wait to read more of her posts.
    When we become parents after IF treatments, it's a hard balance when it comes to blogging. I used to be so worried about hurting others feelings if I blogged about my pregnancy. I did lose followers & commenters when I became pregnant. It hurt, I'll be honest.
    Ultimately, I decided that I needed to blog for me, screw what others think. I just found more blogs to read that relate more with where I am at in my life now. I don't think the IF part of me will ever truly be gone, those hurts are still there. I just continue to blog about my life, things I want to remember, and for myself :-)
    I love reading about your boys and how you are juggling motherhood :-) Keep it up!

  2. I'm not sure how someone can be upset for someone else taking the time out of their day to comment on their blog, especially when it's a kind comment! Who cares where they are at on their journey? I will say at this point I've stopped "searching" for new TTC blogs because I just can't relate anymore, plus I don't think anyone would be that apt to follow me at that point in their journey. I have come to accept that I have a mom blog now and it's more a journal for my family to look back on one day. I set up my separate blog to document this pregnancy, but after the baby is here, I will go back to just posting on the one. Those who want to read it will, and those who don't, won't. I hope you don't stop blogging though! I'm looking to you for advice on parenting two! Hence, my blog post that's going up tomorrow basically I'm about ready to pull my hair out and I only have one child to deal with currently. :)

  3. I don't technically fit much anymore either. I decided to write about what was on my mind, what I wanted to write about even if sometimes it doesn't include LM. I am a really bad commenter, but those who care will still follow.