AF... Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are...

Thanks for the thoughts on my last post, ladies. I love thinking about things differently, and all of your comments about sibling spacing made me sit back and think about different points of view. So, thank you :)

Dr. C called me back on Friday afternoon. Well, actually her nurse did. She said as long as I am done breastfeeding (I chuckled a bit when she said this... not only did I quit at 3 weeks because of Max's stomach issues, but there would be no WAY I would still be breastfeeding at this point) and am not pregnant (again, I chuckled... as if I would be so lucky), she would prescribe Provera. And, so, on Sunday afternoon, I picked up my prescription and started my once-a-day dosage for 10 days.

Cheers to AF arriving in the next few weeks. Cue the tampons.

Sibling Spacing

The March issue of Par.enting magazine arrived in my mailbox this weekend. I always enjoy flipping through it, but to tell you the truth, it's overwhelming. I always end up reading something that alarms me... should my baby be taking 3 naps a day, like the article suggests? What if I am not feeding my baby a certain fruit by 8 months? Am I doing enough playtime with my child?

So, anyway, I try to read light-heartedly, but one article from this month's issue in particular caught my interest.

The article has to do with recommendations on how far apart to space kids. Now, I know there is a TON of research online and in different sources, but I appreciated the brevity of this article. Basically, I took three nuggets of information away: according to the article, "a new study suggests that two or more years between siblings is optimal, resulting in higher scores in reading and math tests later," "...an even bigger gap can be best for the older sib," and that "when you have two in diapers, the family's day-to-day life is more about survival than enrichment."

I have so many thoughts about this.

First, I love the idea of choosing spacing for siblings, but after managing through IF, is that really even an option for most of us? I, personally, am choosing to start TTC again 6 months after my little guy was born because I have no idea how long it will take us to have another baby - or if we will ever be blessed with another baby. If we get pregnant right away, awesome. And if not, well, at least I can say we gave it our all. Everyone's decision on this is their own, and I support and respect everyone's decisions for their own family.

Here's why I feel like I need minimal spacing for my own family.

My sister and I are nearly 6 years apart. I am older. And, I can see where this study is coming from... my parents spent SO much one-on-one time with me from age 0-6, and I believe this is why (I promise I am not stuck-up here) I was a good student, applied myself, worked hard, did well in sports, etc., etc. My sister, on the other hand, didn't receive as much attention in her formative years as I did. Why? It's not because they didn't love her as much, but as she was going through the infant/toddler/preschool/school-age years, they were helping me with math problems, reading comprehension, history projects, and essays. If given the choice of helping my sister with her colors and shapes or me with my science project, I think they chose me to focus on. My sister was kind of along-for-the-ride. No offense to my parents at all... they were (and are) wonderful parents to both of us, but they focused so much on helping and developing me that my sister was left to follow in her older sister's footsteps. And she stumbled, to say the least. She had a much harder time in school, didn't apply herself, and still, to this day, has a hard time articulating what she wants to do with her life. As my parents were bringing me to cheerleading practice and supporting me through high school, my sister tagged along and didn't receive as much attention.

Now, I do not mean to apply this same circumstance to everyone. I know not every sibling pair is completely opposite from an upbringing perspective, and who knows if it's because my sister and I are 6 years apart in age with no other siblings (which I view to be a significant amount of time). But I've always known, that based on watching my sister not get as much development and attention as I did in my formative years because my parents were so busy with me, I wanted my kids to be close in age.

The study mentions that "increasing spacing between has a beneficial effect." And I guess I agree... for the older sibling. What about the younger one?

My opinion on spacing is: I want minimal spacing. And I know that I am speaking to a community of fellow IFers who may be thinking, "Mrs. D, you are crazy... be thankful for a baby whenever they come into your life." And I couldn't agree more. I am just thinking, from an optimal perspective, I am praying that I can have kids close in age so that we can get through the baby phase in a faster amount of time, and focus on "phases" around the same time. It would be awesome, if, Max starts to potty-training, and within a couple years, another child (if I am so lucky to have another child) gets potty-trained. Then we are done with that phase and onto the next.

I'd love your thoughts on this... even if they are different than mine. What is optimal spacing? Do you even care how far apart your kids are? Is there a point when, if your first child is a certain age, you would stop trying for more children?

I Made the Call

I called my OB. Asked for a prescription of Prometrium to jump-start AF. Not sure if she'll give it to me - I talked to a nurse and she's calling me back. When I went in for my 6-week postpartum check and told my OB that I wanted to conceive again ASAP, she warned me that I should wait a year to get pregnant to allow my body to heal from the C-section. This was before I told her I ran a 5K a mere two weeks after Max was born without her permission (they said no running/exercise for 6 weeks).

Healing time, sh-mealing time. I'm healed. Let's go. Not getting any younger.

I am feeling disappointed with my body. Why can't my body just be normal? I was dreading having to start this whole process over again... Prometrium, ovulation tracking (although, I do have the ever-so-trusty CBFM... time to brush the dust off that bad boy), and timed BD. Why can't it just be easy?

I know it's not going to be easy, which is why I bit the bullet and decided that I need to take charge. No more sitting back and waiting for things to occur that should just happen naturally. I've proven that my body doesn't really do many things naturally.

Game on.

Foreigner

Yup, that's what I am. A foreigner.

Why am I a foreigner, you ask?

I am in Toronto, Canada for work again, and I love this city. I, of course, love the US and would never leave, but there's something about Canada... the fresh air, the people... it's a great place. I've been here since Tuesday morning and go back home to MN tomorrow night.

Sometimes it's nice to be in a place where nobody knows you. I went out for dinner tonight with a gal who is one of my direct reports, and we both commented about how nice it is to fly under the radar.

Ahhhh, Canada. My home away from home :)

Nowhere to Be Found

That's where AF is.

Last time she arrived on the scene was 12/23. And she never returned.

Back in my 20's, this would have been a blessing. A godsend. But now? It's just a pain in the ass. When is she going to return? Is my body still screwed up from having a child over 6 months ago? Will I ever ovulate and have a cycle normally?

Nope, not pregnant. Just missing my old enemy AF.

Please come back, AF. I know I spent the majority of the past 4 years cursing your name, but it's time you and I get back on the same page. I miss you. Hell, every single time I go to the bathroom, I wonder if you'll show up again. I need you. I desperately want you to come back into my life so I can plan life events around you... maybe even plan Baby #2. I know, I know... for a long time, I never, ever wanted to see you again. But now it's different. I realize how important you are in my life. I need you to come back - regularly, please - so that I can put a plan together. Thank you.

One Half of a Year

That's how old my baby is today.

That's how long my life has been changed forever.

That's how long it's been since I took one giant sigh of relief after holding my breath for four years... many years of IF plus 9 months of pregnancy... when I heard my baby boy scream as he was pulled out of me. He was alive. I was officially made a mother.

Happy 6 months, my baby Maxwell. Words can't quite describe how our lives have changed, how much you are loved, and how much you were wanted.