The Journey to a Little One to Call Our Own

One gal's experiences dealing with IF, pregnancy, the birth of our first son, parenthood, and doing it all over again with our second son... here is our journey.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

It's A Private Matter

Is it weird that I only want to share our infertility struggles with certain people? I would love thoughts on this - please post a comment! - as I contemplate who really needs to know about our private issues.

Only a few people in my personal life know about my blog. I only wanted to share it with select people who I know, and let other bloggers stumble upon it. The friends with whom I shared our journey are my true, closest friends in life.

Guess who knows nothing about my blog, our issues, or attempts at next steps? Not my mom, sister, or any family members.

I've been sharing more and more with my co-workers. I wonder sometimes if this is because my co-workers are kind of like a pseudo-family, but not close enough to me, by any means, to be really a part of my family and friend network.

Because I had to abruptly change the pre-scheduled two days off of my work schedule due to my upcoming surgery, there were a few eyebrows raised. And for those who I felt should know, I shared. Oddly enough, it wasn't even tough for me... I just straight out shared what is going on. I told about 4 co-workers this week - whom I trust - about the high-level struggles we've had. And it felt so good to share. It's like a weight is lifted from my chest every time I share... not because they feel sad for us - that's not what I want at all - but because they might actually feel for us. For them and for me, it's no longer a secret, and it feels good.

So, why has it been hard to share with family? Not really sure, but it just has.

As I've been preparing for next week, I've been thinking a lot (as with any surgery), "what if something goes wrong?" Now, I am truly not paranoid. I know I will be fine. I highly doubt I will die while under the knife, but of course, these things cross my mind... they cross everyone's mind when they are put under. Sure, I'll be nervous, but not too freaked out.

But what if something happens to me during the procedure, and Mr. D needs to get in touch with my parents. Or sister. Or his parents. Or his sister.

None of them know.

Of course, the worst scenario plays in my head... Mr. D has to make the dreaded call to my parents to let them know that I went into surgery and things didn't go well. Nobody in our families would even know I was having surgery in the first place, let alone that I was under-going a procedure on my fallopean tube. I think my family would be devastated that I didn't tell them.

I would love your thoughts... anyone out there who is close to their families and had to think through how/when to tell them just enough information so that they know what you're going through?

1 comment:

  1. Mrs. D This is tough.

    I am a shout it from the rooftops, wear it on my sleeve kind of a girl.

    Number of people in my world who know about my blog....2. DH and BFF, neither one of them reads my blog. At least I don't think they do.

    Now when it comes to who knows about the IF. There are a lot of people. When we decided it was time to seek RE assistance we had to somewhat let the cat out of the bag.
    DH works with his family. His Dad is his boss, so basically we had to tell his Dad so that DH could have time off work. Of course we couldn't have DH's Dad keep this from DH's mom.
    Also, when we started treatments, my mother was living with us, so she found out.
    My 2 BFF, as well as my boss....these are all people who found out in the beginning.

    Now there are so many more people who know. Basically all of DH's family (that sucks), as well as a few people I love and trust.
    The bottom line is there are rules to knowing about my infertility.....
    If there is news, we will let people know. But i have asked EVERYONE to NOT ask me questions. No questions are allowed.
    DH does allow questions. If people want to know what is going on, they ask him.
    I do not want to be blindsided with questions. It has the potential of ruining my day.
    Of course, there are some people I share with, but mostly I don't share. I just let DH do it.