The Journey to a Little One to Call Our Own

One gal's experiences dealing with IF, pregnancy, the birth of our first son, parenthood, and doing it all over again with our second son... here is our journey.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Welcome ICLW & Feeling Confident About IF

For those of you stopping by my blog for ICLW, welcome! I hope you enjoy my little space online to share my thoughts. For those of you who have stopped by before, welcome back :) Thanks for continuing along with me on this journey.

It's so great to have support in blogland, and I love comments! Leave me one, and I'll be sure to visit your space, too.

The quick, down-and-dirty story:

Mr. D is 30, and I am turning 30 next month (gulp). We've been in love for 6.5 years, married for 4.5 years, and trying to welcome a little one to our lives for 2 years. Tried lots of things... and failed at most. We conceived naturally last January and lost around week 7. Since then, we've experienced tests, procedures, appointments, confusion, prescription drugs, massage therapy, surgery, and more. My Doctor and RE keep shaking their heads, not really knowing what to tell us. We are a happy, healthy couple with no complications at this point (praise the Lord). We are investigating IVF as a next step, but trying on our own for the next couple months.

So, that's our story in a nutshell. We have so much to be thankful for, and can't wait to build the family we want so badly and have been patiently awaiting.

Last week at work, I met up with a woman who I've known for a couple of years. We used to work together, and I hadn't talked to her in almost a year due to different jobs we've both taken on throughout our company which took us on different paths, to different locations, etc. Anyway, she just came back from maternity leave after having their first baby. We caught up on work gossip, chatted about life, and then she finally asked the dreaded question I could just tell she was dying to ask:

"When are you going to start a family?"

In the past, I have responded to this question to different people in multiple ways. Usually, I lied and said something to the effect of, "Oh, someday we'll think about having kids, we're just really busy with our careers...." Blah, blah, blah. And then I would secretly, inwardly, want to cry (or sometimes I would go in private and shed some tears).

But for some reason, I felt like being really honest with her. Still not sure why... she's not a close friend by any means, but I felt like getting it all out.

I smiled and told her that we have been working through years of infertility issues, and while Mr. D and I want nothing more than to have children, we just haven't been able to conceive and have a child yet.

I think I kind of shocked her with my blunt response... she looked embarrassed. She kept apologizing and saying that she never should have asked. She literally looked like she wanted to crawl into a corner and hide from me.

But to me, I was glad she asked. And I told her that I was happy she asked, and that I was happy to share. And I meant it.

It is the first time I remember telling someone confidently about where we are at and feeling okay with it. Not feeling ashamed or sad or disappointed. Sure, it sucks, but I've decided that - in the right situations - I need to push myself to talk about it and be okay with where we're at. Mr. D and I don't have a choice whether we want to deal with IF, but I do have a choice about how I manage it.

I walked away from that conversation feeling really good. I was proud of myself for finally dealing with how I was feeling by expressing the facts, not just shoving reality under the rug and telling people what I think they want to hear.

Confidence is a good thing :)


  1. Kudos to you for taking the honest/upfront approach. I know it's not easy to do. I started taking that route about a year ago and have no regrets; I think ultimately it helps when infertility is an issue out in the open instead of a hidden one that we don't talk about. I wish you the best!

  2. YAY!!! So proud of you Mrs. D!! It's so not easy to tell people what is actually going on, but sometimes its better to just tell the truth!! Happy ICLW!!

  3. I had a similar experience last week. Someone I barely knew from work mentioned something about her struggles. And before I could really think about it I had already confessed to her our 3 year struggle! Diahrrea of the mouth--but it was nice to finally tell someone! Hope you have a delightful week!


  4. Here from ICLW :) I think you made the total right call - its time for IF to come out of the closet and for us not to have to feel ashamed and lonely with it. And her reaction was a bit over the top - but everyone shouldn't assume that all the people they know are all super fertile. Best wishes to you and your DH for your next cycle.

  5. Here from ICLW #31 - I am proud of you! It takes a lot of courage to talk about it. I am much more open now but in the past I really didn't share with many people.. it feels good to be honest and open!