AF arrived today. Right on time. Was totally expecting her, after cramps and "the feeling" of getting my period arrived yesterday. What I didn't expect was the emotion that came with her this time - wiping me out completely. Spent lots of time in the bathroom today at work - crying and trying to put myself together. Man, this is tough.
But - forge ahead, right? After a phone call to my Doctor to share the lovely news, she prescribed Clomid again. This time, 100 mgs., which is double the dosage I've been on, and I've read is pretty strong. I already warned Mr. D to be kind and stay at a distance. If it doesn't work this month, we get to face some pretty exciting tests: sperm analysis, sonogram, and a dye test where I drink some fluid and they ultrasound my ovaries and fallopian tubes to make sure nothing is blocked. They recommended getting this appointment on calendar so that we're ready to go if we fail at TTC yet again this month. How's that for optimism? But I know they are just trying to be prepared. So, we have an appointment on June 30. Best case scenario would be that our appointment turns into an early ultrasound after finding out we've been successful and have conceived.
So, here we go again. I have mixed feelings. About Clomid, about trying again, about this whole fertility monitor thing, about everything. I'm not questioning how much I want a baby, but just so worn out of the process that it's absolutely draining for me to keep putting on the happy face and being optimistic. Mr. D is being that person for me - telling me already that this will be the month, we just have to have faith. And I agree with him. But I'm worn out. My body, brain, and emotions are just exhausted. Some might say, "take the month off, then," but I would be too worried that we missed a prime opportunity. We aren't getting any younger! So, it is with this thought that I accept the challenge of TTC. Here we go!
Here's to the next month. Please pray for us that this is the last we are trying to TTC and that we are successful with a sticky baby this month. I know that's what I'll be praying.