I helped my sister-in-law host a baby shower today for her best friend. I knew it would be hard for me personally to so badly want to be in her place, but I needed to put all of that aside and be completely focused on the mom-to-be. She is going to be such a great mom and I am so excited for her. I was happy to be helping and excited to support the momma-to-be.
So, I arrive an hour early, per the request of my sister-in-law, to help her and the other two co-hosts to set up. One of these two is pregnant - expecting her second. As I am asking her, "So, how are you feeling? Getting excited? Is your daughter excited to have a sibling?", the other co-host - an acquaintence/friend - whom I've known for years tells me, "Today is Katie's day [Katie is the person who the shower was honoring], and I don't want to steal the excitement away from Katie, but I wanted to tell you that I'm pregnant, too!"
So many mixed emotions. Of course, outwardly, I was thrilled for her. I asked a lot of questions, smiled, and told her "congrats" so many times I knew she knew that I was truly happy for her. And I am. But deep down, that horrible twinge of jealousy that I've felt for the past 2 years when I find out someone I know is expecting, crept up worse than ever.
I need to stop wearing the "poor me/why can't it be me" hat, and I know that. I never show that emotion outwardly, except to Mr. D. And he's so comforting.
I just keep praying that we will be blessed. We are ready. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, financially... you name it. I know it will happen in time. Let's just hope this month is our time :)
And so, as another one of my girl friends joins the mommy-to-be club, I am still hopeful that I will ovulate this cycle, we will conceive, and I will carry a baby that will stick.
Day 14... high ovulation days (5 in a row), and just waiting for that peak to show up on my CBFM. BD'ing a lot :)
Don't worry, friends, I just know I will get to join the club soon.