Well, the waiting is over. AF delivered her monthly gift this afternoon, officially leaving me scratching my head and wondering, "seriously, what the hell is going on?" We did EVERYTHING right - again - this month.
I'm not even upset. Okay, well, I take that back. I am upset. But not even close to how upset I've been in past months. I'm fed up at this point - I am feeling SO DONE with this whole TTC thing. It makes me sick.
Tuesday and Wednesday are important days in our whole TTC journey. Tomorrow, Mr. D faces the one thing he has been absolutely dreading... the semen analysis. And I don't blame him - I actually feel bad for him (that is, until I remember the months and months of peeing on sticks, timing sex, and living my life according to my CBFM and Excel spreadsheet.... then I don't feel quite as bad). But, nonetheless, I am sure it has to be super awkward to walk in, ask for a cup, and try to make it happen with a few magazines with naked chicks. He doesn't even want to talk about it.
So, that's tomorrow. Then, on Wednesday comes the fun appointment for me. I called my nurse to ask her what I should expect, and I guess it will be kind of like a consultation. Mr. D and I meet with my Doctor (who I just found out is 5 months pregnant... my nurse told me that last week during our phone conversation, and I was thinking, "oh, lovely... one more to add to the list") and talk through our "options." I think I'm the pro of knowing what my options are, so I am pretty sure they will offer us the following:
1. Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) recommendation - which is great, and I would love to see an RE for help. I'm just curious if our insurance is going to cover it, given not all medical matters of fertility are (being able to conceive is viewed as a "nice to have," not a "need to have")...
2. IUI - basically, taking Mr. D's stuff and putting it inside of me during the right time of the month - I am not so keen on this one. Let me explain. I am pretty darn sure we are nailing it on the head with regards to choosing the right time during the month to BD and attempt conception. Through my 3 rounds of Clomid and miscarriage, I know I ovulate (how regularly without the help of Clomid, I am not sure, but I still ovulate... that's what CBFM is for), and was even successful conceiving once, so not sure injecting me with Mr. D's goodies will do any good than just us doing it ourselves.
3. IVF - we are years away from even considering - or being able to afford - this option, but I'm sure it will be put on the table. If you were to ask me right now, I would probably say "no" to IVF, throw away my CBFM forever, and look into adoption.
I am done with Clomid and scared to use any more of it, so I guess I'll see what happens if my Doctor tries to prescribe it to me again. I pray that Mr. D's analysis comes back okay (or better than okay) so that we can concentrate on just me being the "problem." I just have this feeling that something is wrong with my organs, and I just want to know one way or another so we can try to fix it.
So, as this month leaves me with an empty womb yet again, at least we have some help hopefully waiting around the corner. I'll post more after our Doctor appointments once we know what's next.
Until then, peace, love, and baby dust....
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